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Sakim Aerias vs Lay-Text
Topical Battle .::Rules::. 20-30 Lines 5 Votes Wins No Crew No Hate No D/R Topic: From Glory To Dust ~R~ Minimum posts to vote: 600 Check in by: 05-15-05 at 11:20 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
Lay-Text has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-14-05 03:04 PM.
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Sakim Aerias has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-14-05 03:30 PM.
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As I sit here, as the fire burning, in front she sits, as my future
The one who healed my wounds, with all these deep punctures The dark lurks on top of us, as were eating our big dinner feast Feeling so nervous, in a few minutes, my love will be unleash Can I? 4 years, of love, is it time to make it official? With trust My heart beats uncontrollably. Getting ready to expand the lust. I get up, but my knees are weak. Breathing, attach with drip sweats Getting ready to get out of my shadow, like the reverse of sunset Without thinking, I get on one knee, and put my hand in my pocket Pulled out the ring, and without knowing, tears started to coming ……………………………….............. ................Her socket Wedding day The bell ding dongs for the wife and the husband to walk the plank Feeling heavily nervous as I walk out first. My mind is about to go blank Each step, with each breath. Sweats drip coursing downward on my cheeks As I took an long inhale air, with my stomach aches, now in front of the priest Waiting patiently for my wife to come out, with her beautiful smile and her dress I’ve been waiting for this day. I shouldn’t be nervous, for thou its an bless The bell ding dongs, signaling for the wife to come out. I exhale, as my hands tremble I can now imagine, her coming out, in her dress. She’ll be looking like an angel My heart beats faster, as I saw her mother came running out, her face means trouble She yelled through her tears choked vocals “Something happened”, to the ground ……………………………….............. ..........................................I fumbled Nothing but dust. In the pupil of my eyes, I saw hell. Literally, the fire was blazing from the limosine I couldn’t do anything, I did the opposite of crying, and the opposite of scream Although I didn’t feel the burn, but I know now that I’m being flown somewhere Tears are not coursing down my cheeks, because death don’t have emotion ya hear? I wail heavily now, because the baby in my stomach has flown too, he’s/ she’s with me. Flying so high in the air, with nervousness, my hands trembles , through my feets Sorry about leaving my future husband on this glory day, with out even sayin good-bye As the fire burning, and the sadness creeps in him, knowing myself that I didn’t die Myself not wearing a white dress, with no ring on my finger. I’ve left without a trace With the airplane ticket in my hand, and a baby still inside my stomach I laugh ……………………………….............. .As I can see the sadness image on his face G-luck |
This was feedback posted for Sakim Aerias
R came hard but Sakin just had more words. So v/ Sakim ;)
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Voted For: Sakim Aerias
ummmmmmmmm............ he posted more than a bar. |
or am i missing something........................................
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I swear he's going to get strobe to edit that and post his full verse..................
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Vote i guess...........................................
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Voted For: Sakim Aerias
RoFl lay-text onli did 2 linez hiz shit aint meet da requirements |
Man i dont know......He might got some tricks up in his sleeve, but a verse is a verse.
And damn it! Explain your votes! |
Sakim Agreed To Give Me More Time.....He Is Gonna Let Me Submit A Full Verse. Strobe Will Edit It In Tonight....So Please Don't Vote Nemore. ~R~ |
Strobe Is Going To Edit In My Verse Tonight Man...Finally Had Time To Get Shit Together
~R~ |
As The Parallel Patterns of Worls Collide I Speak From Heaven.. I Preach The Truth To The Hearts of Those Who Listen To Revrens. Still Noticed As One of The Greatest From Followers of Hip-Hop.. Undoubtfully..Since I've Left..Its Lost It Taste and Flip-Flopped.. But Still They Praise Me Through Metaphors and Shouts So Crazy.. Froom Beanie Sigel, Game, 50 Cent, Eminem To LiL Wayne and Baby.. From B.I.G. To BIG L I Speak Words of Wisdom Through These Lyrics.. and Praise To The Lord That They Take It In When They Hear It.. From MLK To Malcom-X..Their Words Influenced My Intense Emotion.. From The East to West..Thug Love Is What Set off Coast Comotions.. My Mother A Black Panther..Who Taught Me Black on Black Love.. and To Not Hate For The Past Sins but To Accept The White Dove.. Look Beyond The Apparent..Take Time To Think Beyond The Square.. and When Things Appear In Reach..They're Further Than They Appear.. So I Spent My Life-Span..Drifting Through The Years of Gods-Hand.. Trying Desperatly To Convert My Destiny..But Its Merily Gods-Plan.. Can't Escape The Struggle..Even Though I'm On Top I'm Rock-Bottom.. Mad Money but Lonesome Still Through This Shit Called Rock-Stardom.. The Pressure Builds and The Controversy Starts To Tear Me Apart.. I'm Hurting Friends For Fame..Showing That I Have A Cold-Heart... I'm Letting My Family and Friends Down..Disgracing My Home-Town.. I Can't Stay Home-Bound..I Keep Telling Myself Deathrows My Home-Now.. From Publicity To Endorsements..From Street Gangs To Reinforcements.. From Undergroud To Going Corporate..I'm Aware of How Very Fortunate.. But Still I Took It For Granted..In My Mind I Couldn't Understand It.. Of Why When I Reached For God He Looked Away Then Closed His Hands and.. Left Me To Die..In The Mist of My Life With A Kid and Divorced Wife.. Through My Lifes Strifes..I'm Left In The Hands of This Surgical Knife.. But Through The Gust of Fates Winds..God Told Me To Let Go and Trust.. Twelve Shots..and At That Moment My Life Turned From Glory To Dust.. RIP Tupac Shakur ~R~ |
Upping This Battle..
Lets Get Some Votes On It. ~R~ |
Voted For: Lay-Text
this was a pretty dope topical from both but i was feelin lay-text's alittle more , Lay-Text Your vocab and wordplay was on point , your structure was good some lines were alittle stretched though,nice emotions and good imagery was felt on your drop.. you really made the reader image what was happening , ... nice drop... nice topic ... and i like the repfrence to Pac...it was really deep.. Overall nice drop keep it up , and it was enough to take the win Sakim You had another good drop..just use lacked alittle, your structure was on point ...your wordplay and vocab was also on point , you just to me didnt have as much feelin in your drop..that lay-text had , i was really feelin the wedding reffrence then the marraige crashin...your flow was good i was really liking your drop..i just felt the pac reference alittle more... overall vote-Lay text |
Ok Uppin for votes.....................................
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Uppin for some votes.......................................
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Uppin This Muphucka.. ~R~ |
Voted For: Lay-Text
Vote: Lay-Text Ive voted really on personal preference, because both drops were really technically flawless in terms of structure - both were tight altho laytext's was a lil more concise...flow, the both flowed well and were easy to read and understand...vocabulary, i think Lay-Texts was slightly better here, he used better vocabularily but didnt over it, and I could actually see it as Pac talking ina way, sakims was gd but i unno - longa lines made it less realistic...in term sof topic coverage both were on point... what took it was the angles both came from, Sakim after ur first few linez, i knew exactly what u were going 2 do, with Lay-Texts i dint actually realise it was PAc..till half qay through, and i thought it was dope writin as pac, nice idea... Vote - Laytext RTF plz y'all 1 :thumbup: |
It's cool. Uppin for some votes...................
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This was feedback posted for Sakim Aerias
checkin polls, good drops..................from both of you.......
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Bump this up........................................
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Voted For: Lay-Text
aiighht this was a pretty good battle. I don't really look at topicals, but this was a good read. Lay-text, you had good metaphors in this. And your vocab, wit some multi's was good to read. Vocab was real good, and you threw in a few multi's. I like how you did the topic, talkin' about fallen hip-hop icons and current ones as well. Real nice. 9/10 Sakim, You had a read good one too. You had a nice story. Yours flowed pretty good too. You had some nice metaphors as well. Your vocab, however, wasn't as good as LAy-Text. So that kinda cost you some points there. but overall, it was nice. 8.5/10 Overall, both were tight, but it came down to vocab to decide it, and usuage of meta's. And I think LAy-text was a lil better. v/Lay-Text |
Bump this up......................................
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Voted For: Lay-Text
I think that Lay-Text got this battle because i feel that Lay-Text came stronger in the following categories...Topic i felt Lay-Text got it was effective and was on point Sakim Aerias ya verse was also good as well but Lay-Text was more on point so i guess u shoulda been a bit more creative on this occasion rhyming i felt went to Lay-Text good lookin wordplay and creativity goes to Lay-Text and flow and structure i'll give to None as both had nice lay outs and flow. V/Lay-Text There's my sig be sure to return the favour honestly within 3 days or vote removed :thumbup: |
Uh uppin............................................. ..
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.::Upping This Muphucka::. ~R~ |
Voted For: Lay-Text
rated- this was a real nice piece, from the flow to vocab to imagery to your full interpretation of the topic the whole thing was solid, this is straight up one of the best topicals ive seen from you, i can tell you really wanted to take the time to protray this well...you succeeded...nice job..props ~R~! . enjoyed this read alot . . tweety-good take on the topic, you had a good sense of imagery in your verse, but i found you lacked emotion n didnt protray your idea as vividly with your vocab as you shouldve. i was feeling the last half of your piece more so then the beginning, the beginning was really draggy in a way that it bored the reader n it didnt set the tone for your overall piece...decent,Daz |
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