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-   -   SUPERVILLAIN vs Acuity (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=190999)

SUPERVILLAIN 05-16-05 11:49 AM

SUPERVILLAIN vs Acuity
 
Crew Battle: CRHYME SINDICATE (C.S.) vs. 6 feet deep (6.f.d.)


Battle Rules:

Topical: "Living with no legs"
6 - UNLIMITED Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting

...good luck ac. its an honor to do battle with you. lets do this...


supervillain......big bad c.s.

Minimum posts to vote: 500

Check in by: 05-17-05 at 11:49 AM

Must drop verse in 2880 minutes after check in.

System 05-17-05 02:49 AM

Acuity has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-17-05 02:49 AM.

System 05-17-05 11:23 AM

SUPERVILLAIN has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-17-05 11:23 AM.

Acuity 05-18-05 05:13 PM


" A Disabled Fable"

Born from my mother's womb, kicking and fighting my way from my natural tomb
Into the light, blinding my sight....in my confusion hearing things from those in the night
"Wow, look at his big legs"...hahaha..."Explains him kicking all the time, it was doing in my head"
Even then, my limbs seemed vital to me, at such a young age, i have memories playin on the fields
Football with my family, so them seems like a grain of normailty, reflecting now is saddening
Running through the nights dressed in black so I blend as I depend on the dark
In the parks, standing and listening to preachers as the move round talking of christs preachings
Playing and earning respect, now without another, I'm an inatimate object, who people think might infect
And wreck their young seeds, quite simply failing to see that disability is not a contageous disease
Growing up as a child hoping to become a sports player to earn and survive my way through life
That would be my fire exit from the ghetto strife, now i can only stare as everything passes me by
I wonder why, in my brain im insane asking how the bible can be a book of subliminal lies
Causing me to cry and look at disciple writings in contempt, conceit and despise
Ive prayed and stayed faithful to thee, yet in a cruel accident you have taken everything from me
Now in my sleep, is the only time I can realise dreams through closed and froze eyes
Its the oppurtunity,My only portal I have, to escape the cage of disability in these wheels
Im night imprisoned by steel, but by society and how it judges and preconcieves me
Living with no legs, in my eyes is an evil fate, i would never debate, conversate, or wish on another person
As it is a life filled with remorse, saddness and never-ending tears and internal hurting
Tired of patronising comments of how life hasnt ended, and people pretending rights are equal
Ask that same person to give you their legs, and watch them laugh and say "I'd rather be dead"
Because this world is superficial, I wont knock it because thats the world is, no point fighting
But in a world like this im easily oversighted, turned away because people are misinformed and frightened
Thats my pain, fuck being comfortable with who I am, I just want to be normal again
So I can run in the rain, and free my heart of this relentelss onslaught of debaught grief and strain

SUPERVILLAIN 05-19-05 10:49 AM


"...LIVING WITH NO LEGS..."


BROKEN...

they ran to the bus stop, books in hand, hopin' its behind today
they noticed their line and knew they were fine, they liked the slight delays
both dropped on the bench, talked to the kids and snacked on yogurt to feed
they looked over sheets of homework to think, then they heard the SCREECH!!!
it was too late to react......the man in the Jag crashed where they sat
he smashed in the pack and happened to wrap the back on a lavendoer 'Lac
the accident ceased in a flash...pedestrians ran to the scene of the crash
one child survived the impact, but was buried beneath debris in the grass

weeks had passed b4 weakened Pat came beamin' back from unconsciousness
Dr. Smith, Father Rick and Ma talked of the consequence...he caught the jist
brother Chris, the twins and Jenn all died that day...he felt faint now
then they stated, that to save him...they amputated from the waist down
he understood the severity...the 10 year olds scream echoed uncomparibly
Pat was forced to stay 'till Spring...to finish off his multiple therapies
sorrow mounted upon his release 'cuz good ol' Denise (the medic) was cool
anxiety grew, he felt like a freak and was postponing his headin' to school
he put if off as long as he could......then he finally made his entrance
nuthin's the same, it was entirely different...most his classmates kept their distance
trust it took 3 years to get adjusted, but it was worth the work
now its on to high school as a freshman, where he heard the jerks were worse
if happiness was a masterpiece...then this new challenge was his canvas
he'd paint from the heart and planned this, the second he rolled on2 campus
he was met with immature comments and whispers from all sorts of scum
2day was the 1st day of the next 4 years...and there was much more 2 come
were they aware? or did they care that their shared stares were unfair?
poor Pat wasnt prepared...for those terrible glares left unbearable tares
the chumps were 2 busy duckin' him to have ever had fun with him
and punks were 2 busy punchin' him to have ever had lunch with him
he hesitated to math, because he was degraded and berated in class
some ignorant ass said "he deficates in a bag" so he's been paraded with laffs
he was a nice cat......the type of guy to never try and fight back
the 1 time that he tried that he got blackeyes and was tied 2 the bike rack
he loses pieces of self, everytime unfair treatment was dealt
he didnt believe in himself...and hated always needin' the help
Pat wished to be home, in the safe place, surrounded by his bedroom walls
instead of this insane place, where he wept alone in the restroom stalls
things got scary, so Pat grew weary because he wasnt very strong
things carried on for so very long, he knew the bullies had barely won
Pat was hopeless and completely broken by the time he was a Junior
his grades had slipped alot, so suicidal thoughts became his only crooner
he got wasted, prayed quick, then popped everything he could and swallowed
Ma found his body laying in vomit...next to his empty pill bottles

Our Lord works in mysterious ways....Pat never got his burial rites
he survived the attempted suicide and gained a new outlook on life
he graduated with honors...then went away to college in the bay
Pat hit his books harder...got smarter...gained knowledge and remained
eventually he wrote 2 books 'bout the handicapped experience in our society
the day his third was released.....it marked 10 years of his sobriety
now he mentors troubled youths...and has established clinics and camps
the "half man" outgrew his curse....all he had to do was give it a chance

...FIXED


...the supervillain of crhyme...


SUPERVILLAIN 05-20-05 09:45 AM

nice drop ac. now lets get these votes in brutha.
oner...


s.v.....big bad crhyme sindicate

50Cal. 05-20-05 10:44 AM

This was feedback posted for SUPERVILLAIN
 
checkin polls............................................. ...............

~Sundance Kid~ 05-20-05 08:47 PM

This was feedback posted for Acuity
 
checking in to see the votes so far.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

50Cal. 05-21-05 12:57 AM

uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp pppppppppp

SUPERVILLAIN 05-22-05 03:05 PM

^^^UPPIN' FOR SOME LEGITIMATE VOTES!!!^^^


s.v.

SUPERVILLAIN 05-23-05 10:17 AM

^^^UPPIN' FOR SOME LEGITIMATE VOTES!!!^^^


s.v.

50Cal. 05-23-05 02:29 PM

uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp pppppppppppppppp

SUPERVILLAIN 05-25-05 09:19 AM

^^^UPPIN' FOR SOME LEGITIMATE VOTES!!!^^^


s.v.

Restricted 05-25-05 01:39 PM

Voted For: Acuity



Acuity:
The Only Thing Wrong With Your Topical Verse Is That The Structure Is Off and Stretched but Besides That Your Good. The Verbal Imagery In This Peice Was Hot, Especially With The Multis Intwined With High Vocabulary. The Emotion Wasnt Too Strong, but This Peiece Really Wasn't For That..The Way I Took It.

One of The Best Lines:

"I wonder why, in my brain im insane asking how the bible can be a book of subliminal lies
Causing me to cry and look at disciple writings in contempt, conceit and despise"

Supervillain:
Alright, First Off I'ma Have To Say That Your Verse Was Too Simple To Beat Acuity. I Felt Your Story-Concept, but The Verbal Imagery and Intellect That Went Into Your Verse Just Wasn't Up To Par. I Can Tell That Your Not Too Comfortable With Topicals Yet, but Once You Get Used To Them The Vocabulary Enhancement Will Come and Then Once You Expand Your Language..Concepts and Greater Lines Will Come To You.

One of The Best Lines:

"Our Lord works in mysterious ways....Pat never got his burial rites
he survived the attempted suicide and gained a new outlook on life"

My Vote Goes To: Acuity

Good Battle You Two!

Return Favor:

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=190654

~R~

Topical 05-25-05 04:44 PM

This was feedback posted for SUPERVILLAIN
 
good drop.........felt yours a little more.........ending was good.....keep it up

checkin polls

B.I.G. 05-25-05 04:47 PM

This was feedback posted for SUPERVILLAIN
 
daaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SUPERVILLAIN 05-26-05 10:01 AM

^^^UUUPPPPPPIIINNN'''!!!^^^


s.v. the tyrant, c.s.

SUPERVILLAIN 05-27-05 09:25 AM

^^^UUUPPPPPPIIINNN'''!!!^^^


s.v. the tyrant, c.s.

SUPERVILLAIN 05-27-05 05:16 PM

^^^UPPIN' FOR SOME LEGITIMATE VOTES!!!^^^


s.v.

Acuity 05-29-05 05:43 PM

bump.............................................. ..........

SUPERVILLAIN 05-30-05 09:41 AM

^^^UPPIN' FOR SOME LEGIT VOTES!!!^^^


s.v. dangerous......c.s.

Acuity 05-31-05 04:53 AM

bump.............................................. .

SUPERVILLAIN 05-31-05 09:41 AM

^^^........yeah.....what he said...........................


...the super...

Acuity 05-31-05 09:21 PM

bump.............................................. ..................

SUPERVILLAIN 06-01-05 10:46 AM

^^^UPPIN' FOR SOME LEGITIMATE VOTES!!!^^^


...the supe duper wun...

SUPERVILLAIN 06-02-05 04:38 PM

^^^UPPIN' FOR SOME LEGITIMATE VOTES!!!^^^


...the supe duper wun......CRHYME LIFE!!!

SUPERVILLAIN 06-03-05 12:51 AM

^^^...UPPIN' THIS AGAIN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, LOL...^^^


s.v....................crhyme sin

SUPERVILLAIN 06-03-05 09:19 AM

.............wow, now this is really getting ridiculous.......lol..............

^^^UUUPPP!!!^^^


s.v.

SUPERVILLAIN 06-07-05 10:22 AM

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzz...


...the super......crhyme sin...

SUPERVILLAIN 06-08-05 09:25 AM

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...


...the super

SUPERVILLAIN 06-09-05 09:19 AM

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...


...the super...........c.s.

SUPERVILLAIN 06-13-05 08:27 PM

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...


...s.v. the tyrant

SUPERVILLAIN 06-14-05 09:23 AM

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...


...s.v. the kingpin

Sixth Sense 06-14-05 10:55 AM

Voted For: SUPERVILLAIN

both pieces were madd good both showed alot of potential alot of creativity and the structure,vocabulary, mostly everythin else was a tie between both of u i couldnt decide who was better except on the whole content of the piece supervillian brung way more content and visual words to his piece and was way longer so he really took his time to work on this piece so my v// goes to supervillian but both competitors were good

SUPERVILLAIN 06-15-05 09:43 AM

^^^thanks for the vote/feedback. good lookin' out brutha.

^^^UPPIN' FOR VOTES!!!^^^


...the super...c.s....

SUPERVILLAIN 06-16-05 09:10 AM

^^^UPPIN' FOR LEGIT VOTES!!!^^^


...the supervillain of crhyme...

SUPERVILLAIN 06-17-05 09:45 AM

^^^bump, bump, bump...


...the supe duper wun...

SUPERVILLAIN 06-20-05 09:23 AM

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...


...the supe duper wun...

Stanza 06-20-05 11:43 AM

Voted For: SUPERVILLAIN

Aii This is What I think

Acuity- Nice start off man You Reall know how to supply a good hook In Topicals and it hade me reading it until You started using To Many Words into one line which made it harder to follow I MEan It was nice drop but Yet I had to read through it Like 2 times Jus to get What you was really getting at in this battle Im Not hating and you know me better than that im jus hitting up slept on topicals and I feel that You Couldve done better In This Battle man considering your Level of skills Feel Me?

Super
Aii man Your storyline is the first thing that caught my attention It was nice I Mean It started of with a conflict ended with a Positive Conclusion and thats what made it pleasant to read And thats what made it easier to read lol excepting one thing .....YOUR STRUCTURE < >LOL I know a whole lotta people say Fuck Strcuture but with me I cant stand to see a good drop surrounded by a sloppy strcuture man I Cant Stand it LOL It makes it look all newbish so thats The only thin i Think You need to work on and Its not a really big Problem and u & I Know it So ......Yeah You Get my vote in this battle

GOOD BATTLE NICE DROP FROM BOTH OF YOU !!

RTF In any battle link in my sig PLEASe

SUPERVILLAIN 06-21-05 09:50 AM

thanks for your time stanz. good lookin'...........im glad you enjoyed our work.

^^^UPPIN'!!!


s.v. the tyrant, c.s.


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