mizz fyre vs Paranoid
 

Battle Rules:

16-30 Lines
Topic: Undisputed Thoughts
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting
No Hate

Minimum posts to vote: 100

Check in by: 06-02-05 at 02:39 PM

Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in.

Paranoid has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-31-05 03:15 PM.

mizz fyre has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-31-05 04:30 PM.

Voted For: Paranoid

Pretty close one here...

But, I'm feeling Paranoid a little more on this one. IMO, he had better imagery, and I could really feel his emotion that he put into this. This was a very deep topic, however, and both did a nice job, but like I said, I am feeling Paranoid a little more due to his emotion and imagery. I could tell he worked hard at this topic, so I am giving him my vote.

Mizz fire, I was pretty surprised. You are one of the best topical writers on this board, but you delivered much less than what you are fully capable of. In my eyes, you just fell off a little bit, but its no big deal. Just make sure that you give it your all next time and not take it lightly.

V/ Paranoid

RTF and hit up any of the links in my sig

Thanx

This was feedback posted for Paranoid
 

Checking the polls................................

DAWG SHE AINT THE BEST..........SHE'S AVERAGE :thumbup:

:laugh:

This was feedback posted for mizz fyre
 

Nice Babygirl but Im Just CHECKIN Polls>>>>.......

hmmmm......o.k uppppin............................

hmmm just get those topics so we can get our rematch battle done

^^ uh huh..............................................

you got them yet..................................

Huh uh............................................

where are they?...................................

I Said "huh Uh" Means No!...............................shit!

aight well hurry up and get them..................

YO uppin for my Brother paranoid.........................


;)

Hahaha Word To My Oldest Bro Str8 From Queenz...............

Voted For: Paranoid

hmmm this wasn't the best.. but an okay battle.

mizz fyre: verse was okay. but like.. iono.. just wasn't really feeling it.. like espeically in ur first 2 lines.. like the flow to me really seemed sorta off.. and flow is important so the reader can image ur lyrics n understand it without being paused by the lack of flow.. also your vocab didn't seem to be good enough.. vocab is important because it can explain more with one word.. and make better imagery n emotion.. overall.. pretty nice verse...


paranoid.. your flow as well isnt perfect.. but still sort of off.. iono y but maybe now for rv heads its hard to have a nice flow.. well neway.. your vocab was very much on point.. n explained more and really had a much better story line.. your sorta got the emotion.. but you didn't provide enough imagery.. that too is important.. well just because you had better vocab and a better story line..

i vote: Para

Alright thanx Uppin for some more votes..................

Uppin for some more votes holla........................................

uppppppppppppppppppppppppppinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

uppin

yo fyre if its cool can i get this closed?

Voted For: mizz fyre

Both did wonderful verses both had creative words and a good use in vocabulary everythin both competitors had but the person i thought that had more sense in this was mizz fyre good job to both but mizz fyre had the better verse better word structure as well dont get me wrong it was hard to decide but i just thoguht mizz was better so my v/ goes to fyre

Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation.

^^^thanx very much and no paranoid.......don't close it

Uppin this for my boi Paranoid..........................bump

still upppppppppppppppin this.............................

his votes getting dqed and thanks for the upps im back for 2 nights.

uppin

Voted For: Paranoid


Both yall was kinda eh with your drops

Fyre....you had a good storyline but ya whole style of writing is so basic....no metaphors...imagery was fair not great somewhat forced in spots....vocab was real basic, however flow & structure was good...basically u had a good drop that lacked complexity....that same drop with upped vocab an some nice metas would own alot of people.

Para....u was almost identical in ya astyle of drop jus I found ya story a lil more enjoyable, ya flow & structure was on point coulda used some multies....imagery was decent jus a tad better than fyre....reall if she had alil more complexity she woulda smashed you....u had a good drop but fyre beat herself in this one

Vote: Para

Word to Triple_N.................Uppin.................... .............

tweety is in love with me:shocked:


uppin

uppin............................................. .

This was feedback posted for Paranoid
 

i'll battle you topical paranoid......eh eh you pick da topic n lines if u want

sure

its gonna be set up right away.


upnizzle!

Voted For: mizz fyre

Flow - Both of you had nice structure and excellent flow.But I think Tweety stayed more consistant.
Flow=tweety

Emotion -Paraniod.....tweety seemed to be tellin a story and not really having emotion.But it did't hurt her verse one bit really.
Emtion=papraniod

Captiviting -I think Tweety had a more captivating verse because papraniod seemed a lil on the boring side.I guess because all this drama/sadness emotion shit is gettin tiresome.
captivating=tweety

Vocab - Paraniod.....not to say tweety's was bad...but it's just paraniod's was better.
Vocab=Paraniod

Originality -Tweety....her concept of a girl before marriage is sumtin I haven't really seen before.
Originality=Tweety

Vote-tweety(please drop a vote in my battle below or I'll have to remove this vote)
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=196901

^^^thanx for the vote but you got me confused wit tweety lol

Voted For: Paranoid

Paranoid

Undisputed Thoughts
Unable to eat properly, just cause I’m poor wishing to Christ
Judgements such as life, the chance of me shining isn’t Right
Apparently fate excluded me from all the political Decisions
On such undiscovered missions, I’m stuck picturing Visions
Such visions that get me frustrated, even more and more Hated
Undisputed thoughts grasping my intelligence making me Rated
My reality was broken apart, over all the unbelievable Fatality
Furious thoughts and dream, such emptiness created Mentality
I tried not to think about the disrespect, friendship didn’t Connect
I felt stuck in confusion, feel never the less but only a Suspect
The purity of my life’s sanity, really felt like an scary Illusion
Dropped in the myth of a delusion, I couldn’t snap the Confusion
The hate was evident, I could understand nothings ever Correct
Hungry and all, I was always upset, life can never be Perfect
Trying not to get to serious, the hunger gets just to Furious
I begin to ask myself why, I think imperious and act so Curious
Somehow I need to look for repetitive answers for my own Rights
Keep on with the education, being able to see the bright Lights
When my mom offered delicious food to my dad, I was Surprised
Through the yelling, the actions of mom must have been Disguised
I wish for a better living, moving would be for the greater Story
Competitive rareness would bring fate to me, so I’d prove Glory

Overall
Yo this was a nice verse flow was on point structure was nice and even you maintained a decent level of rhyming and rhythm in this piece...topic was well approached kept on point nicely fav bars in particular were...

Apparently fate excluded me from all the political Decisions
On such undiscovered missions, I’m stuck picturing Visions
Such visions that get me frustrated, even more and more Hated
Undisputed thoughts grasping my intelligence making me Rated
My reality was broken apart, over all the unbelievable Fatality
Furious thoughts and dream, such emptiness created Mentality

kept it on point IMO this was the strongest part of the verse early on but maintained it throughout well nice drop

Mizz Fyre

Dawn breaks, gently I arouse from my dream, finally awake
momma busy baking the cake, I feel numb, my head aches
Sweet music playing, the whole family here, silently praying
Wishing me well, for my big day, my thoughts are swaying
I close the curtain, walk outside, the rain lashes my brown skin
I grin at the thought of my family saying my future should begin
“Come inside� my daddy calls, its time for you to get changed
I feel sadness, by me this marriage couldn’t even be arranged

The mirror reflecting my image, really slim and almost pretty
Witty, maybe, but still I’m under the power of the “committee�
My thoughts are undisputed, clear that I don’t want to proceed
My heart bleeds, I need to leave if I have a chance to succeed
Everybody’s smiling, they’re all dressed in their favorite suits
Boots pricey, I recite my favorite song, try to forget my roots
Embraces from close friends and enemies who make amends
Giving me money and things but my family’s love transcends

I glance at him standing proud, waiting sweetly for me to arrive
My energy I try to revive, so nervous, to him I anxiously strive
My skirt draping on the floor, I’m the first one through the door
But my minds doing overtime, I don’t want to be here anymore
I turn around suddenly, my heels slamming hard on the ground
Oblivious to where I’m heading but home ain’t where I’m bound
catch my auntie mumbling, I always knew that this girl was insane
I think to myself, that ain’t true for once I’m using my own brain
And my thoughts will see me through whatever life has planned
Make a stand, unquestionable I’m finally under my own command……….

Overall
nice verse as well...broken down into paragraphs...aight but perhaps puttin a chapter name to it would made it look better...rhyming again was nice bit more basic than 1st verse but it's a better drop from the last one i peeped from ya...elevated well...flow & structure equal to opponents nicely even and easy to read as Paranoids was...topic was kept on point...this was an aight battle...but i think that paranoid kept the rhyming more complex & topic was approached better IMO

V/Paranoid...this is an RTF vote...so no deadline

Voted For: Paranoid

Mizz Fyre: your drop was well structured, and it flowed nicely, what i feel i didnt like in yours is its center around the plot, you sacrificed vocabulary and imagery to make sure your story flowed, even though its a topcial, id like to see some complexity and detail within the lines aswell, nice drop i think uve got potential to b droppin sum drama queen type shit

Paranoid: your verse was well structured and it also flowed well, your vocab was obvious and shyed away from simply going with the simple and obvious which was cool, kept me interestd, nice imagery keep it up:thumbup:

-No hate....1
-AC