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H-N-I-C vs artística~Mente
Battle Rules:
20-30 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Topical battle- child out of wedlock G-luck :thumbup: Minimum posts to vote: 300 Check in by: 06-04-05 at 04:20 PM Must drop verse in 8600 minutes after check in. |
H-N-I-C has ACCEPTED this battle on 06-02-05 06:12 PM.
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art-stica~Mente has ACCEPTED this battle on 06-02-05 10:34 PM.
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MOM-PLAIN Font
DAUGHTER- RED As I cuddle in the corner with tears dripping and fear shivering in me
Hiding in the darkness, hoping in my mind, that the monster wont find thee The monster who created these scars and these tears that’s leaking The monster who trapped me in the abyss, and "i hate you" is what he be saying There's no escape so what's the use? My life will end here sooner or later While i tremble and wait for my fate to come, my death, the grim reaper I jerk up, my spine is crawling with nervousness as the door knob turns Thinking in my head, here he comes, with the anger that's ready to be unleash .....................................O my god if can already feel the whip on my back burn I grasp my head so tight, that I felt my nails going into my brain. my lips quiver Rocking back and forth, holding my knee's so tight grasping for my life .................................................. ..........................I only wish it'll disappear As I open the door knob.Without knowing, the tears coursed down my cheeks I looked inside the room, it was so dark. I flicked the lights shock of what I see She sits there cuddling in the corner, trying to avoid me, more like hiding I walked up close, my expectation grew sad as I saw the scar on her....shining The blood leaked from her face, the ribs showing that she hasn't eaten for days I knew I regret this, by not looking between the "she deserve it" catch phrase I reach out her hand, and her skin felt prune, her finger skin was wrinkle by the blood With carefulness I grew as she stood. I fell on my knee's, and I hugged her as much strength I could It was like the ocean has been cleaned, like our life was dipped in Clorox, all bright and new With an smile on my face. The sun shined above us, we've went through the darkness .................................................. ...And now both of our feet’s touching the grass dew As i smell the free non-populated air, I'm free, free from the abyss The scars will heal. My tears are dry, and the whips will be perish Finally getting myself and my daughter out of that house of hell With a divorce papers in my hand, i knew everything in .................................................. ........................near future will go well God forgave me, for myself being so blind for not seeing the scheme The words behind this mans vocals, hypnotize by his way of things My life changed forever once i got in that car, and drove off with my mom With my window down, sun shining, the branches on the tree's staying strong I felt the uneasiness‘, the ache in my stomach, as the nervousness’ crept While i saw him in a police car, his face, o thy horrible face I will never forget G-luck! |
Born of unwed parents...an unholy conception
But as times pass by people change their perceptions We show affection in many ways when we have a connection Bore a child outta wedlock cuz they used no provalactic protection An act of indiscretion brought me into this world of sin Weak flesh fought hard, but finally it gave in Now I'm a living, breathing being, with a life of complications Mom and dad constantly have a million and one confrontations "You knock me up and don't have the decency to marry me?" Then she'll go on and on about the nine months she carried me "Not again today woman! I just wanna spend some time wit my son" "KEITH!...LET'S GO!"..."Ok dad here I come" Week in and week out it's always tha same thing Fights fussin and cussin all because of a fling They try and spoil me wit green but I just want some attention They couldn't buy my love with all tha money in their pensions So caught up in their vendetta's they forget about me Mom so stuck on hatin dad that she forgets about Keith Verbal and mental abuse carried on for years Asked her about it one day and she broke out in tears "Everytime I look at you I see your father's face and think back on that night and that crucial mistake" "I thought if I had you he'd marry me...I tried to believe" But oh what a tangled web we weave...when we conspire to conceive This is just tha story of a child whose family never came to be I'm an individual, but not so different u see Cuz there's a million other kids who've lived tha same life as me |
Nice drop man...deep shit...G'luck...uppin for some votes................
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O shit you dropped already.................Alright uppin this...........
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Let's get some votes dropped...............................
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^^ Word to that.................uppin for some votes.............
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uppin for votes....................................
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Uppin for some damn votes holla..........................
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C'mon............................................. ..........
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^^ Word.................UPPIN FOR SOME DAMN VOTES YOU BLUBBER BUTTS!
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Uppin again............................................
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Bump this up................................................ ............
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Voted For: art-stica~Mente
tweety- as follows are my fav bars . As i smell the free non-populated air, I'm free, free from the abyss The scars will heal. My tears are dry, and the whips will be perish Finally getting myself and my daughter out of that house of hell With a divorce papers in my hand, i knew everything in .................................................. ........................near future will go well My life changed forever once i got in that car, and drove off with my mom With my window down, sun shining, the branches on the tree's staying strong I felt the uneasiness‘, the ache in my stomach, as the nervousness’ crept While i saw him in a police car, his face, o thy horrible face I will never forget overall i wasnt feeling the structure but lookin beyond that you had great imagery n feelin in ya drop, some real emotion was protrayed in those bars i put uyp there, n the ending was pretty dope but i think you wouldve benifited from exploring the abuse ect that the child suffered, good drop, work on your text flow but you got most the rest on lock...good drop/............Daz . . . hnic- the followin are my fav bars "You knock me up and don't have the decency to marry me?" Then she'll go on and on about the nine months she carried me I'm an individual, but not so different u see Cuz there's a million other kids who've lived tha same life as me . overall, good grasp of the story n topic you protrayed.. i wouldve liked to see a little more emotion throughout the bars but it was heartfelt, although, you had the amount of lines to try n tell a more indepth story but you seemed to kinda ramble on at points..nontheless, good drop...Daz . . |
^^ Thanx for the honest vote....Upppin for some more damn votes......
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Voted For: art-stica~Mente
damn tweety u got this batle easy your first stanza or w/e u call em merked the other guys... no offence man.. but still. h-n-i-c: i think u are new to topicals if you are then i aint gonna shout lol i thought this was good for a new topical, emotion was there, vocab wasn't that good and i lost track about 2 times in your verse, you need to work on your structure coz it was messed up... other than that it was ok, you will elevate with some time just keep practising man you'll get it soon. Tweety: dam son this shiot was deep lol, almost depressing i liked the way u flipped it with the mother and daughter shit that was good... emotion was realll deep in this one and your vocab was good aswell... your my new favourite topical writer after this one man, good job with this here is a line that i think stood out from the others... The blood leaked from her face, the ribs showing that she hasn't eaten for days I knew I regret this, by not looking between the "she deserve it" catch phrase ^^ this was deep and dark, like she been neglected real dope verse fam good loooks pz v/ tweety for having a deeper/ better verse had a better understanding of the topica and also had better vocab... pz no hate |
Voted For: art-stica~Mente
nice drop......... small font is hard to read though.....:thumbup: structure was nice, ya whole verse flowed well from beginning to end and ya had a nice overall feel to the verse, approached the topic well and stayed on point throughout, didnt come at all basic with the vocabs, a nice depiction of the topic and i think the whole way you flipped it from mother to daughter was cool, also used some old english text in there which i liked, i think it added a little more feeling to the parts.....overall 8/10 HNIC not a bad drop..... structure was aight but cud use work, still the whole verse flowed well...i do think that you lacked direction in places and tended to slip away from the overall verse, it was more like a mixed verse to me, you started off dope with complexity and good feeling depicting a nice image of the topic, but near to the middle it got more basic and fell off which is what i think ruined ya verse....if ya wud've stayed more consistent i think you would have stood a better chance.....6/10 V/ - Tweety (aka artistica mente) RTF!! on the dizzee rascal battle!!! |
Alright consider a favor being returned....................Uppin
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Well, damn...it's about time...preciate tha honesty...............uppin
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^^ Yeah....YO H-N-I-C- you want to close this battle?..............its an 3-0 KO
>>>>>>????? |
Voted For: art-stica~Mente
Yeah, tweety be sick with topicals. both had a nice flow and decent vocab. but i managed to get more involved in tweetys, nice structure and a good story line in the backing. HNIC yours was good dont get me wrong, you have a lot of potential but you need to make it deeper in the future. NO hate, tweety RTF in sig within 3 days!! |
Voted For: art-stica~Mente
Aight Its Like This.. H-N-I-C: I Was Feeling Your Piece A Lot. Your Vocabulary Was Potent and Your Imagery Was On Topic, but Your Emotion and Direction Is What I Thought Lacked. A Lot of Fillers Within Your Verse That Kept Beating Around The Bush and I Felt Your Emotion Wasn't There. That Was Your Only Downfall. Tweety: Aight, Well Yours Was Almost The Complete Opposite of H-N-I-Cs. Your Direction and Emotion Was Fabulous but Your Vocabulary Lacked A Lot. You Get My Vote Because Your Imagery Was Consistent and You Took 3 of The 4 Categories That I Look For When I Vote. Vote - Tweety For More Emotion, Direction, and Imagery. ~R~ |
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