Train Tracks
 

Train Tracks.

A jaded location, faded but to the tracks I was enraptured
Because if the image is distorted, sometimes the message isn’t captured
A thin dew, laced the tracks, faced with that the rails offered as canvas
With a mattress of support..
..not taught, but naturally, nature understands this
Unplanned bliss, a sensation of an untouched creation
Over the tracks formed a crescent of vibrant green plantation
A pure vacation, and even as an infant, so fickle and blind
The night entwined shadows, with shapes to trickle my mind
Refined as a recluse, to produce a place I could call my domain
That place on a simple plain but far from simple and plain
Was I insane?..
..More obsessed, possessed with the feeling it was blessed
And as the day past the night thought me it was ok to be depressed
It relieves stress, this place offered hostility in cool breaths
I use to flirt with the trains..
..Testing God’s ability of death, but what’s left?
Times changed people are deranged now, they weren’t to begin
Nature is beautiful, humans are beautiful on the outside, but ugly within
So I couldn’t hold it in, depressed I need to confess, it nearly killed me
Cause the innocent ones in crime can be the ones left feeling guilty
.
.
An ordinary night, no longer bright as the clouds swallowed the sky
Coached in my favorite spot, viewing heaven but caught hell in my eye
The air was dry, so I could focus on two outlines in the distance
A girl forcing with resistance, but a man out powering with persistence
In an instance, the man striked her with a blow no one could defend
My tongue hit the back of my throat as my spine stood on end
I couldn’t lend help, he kept hitting, testing his physical fitness
As I was forced to pay attention to murder, as a silenced witness
What’s sick is, my minds twisted and I can’t go back
And my wife wants a reason why our kids can’t visit the train tracks
The pain attacks me everyday, for that young girl a sit and pray
And make a promise to my wife, our children ill never let astray.

yo people atleast give me some feedback, cummmon ya'll

Something tells me you probably haven't written this, due to the stupidity you're showing: "yoyoyo let get feed cummmmmoooon yall!' Which most poets shouldn't do, unless they're just lazy --- or truly 'ghetto poets', which is really an oxymoron.

But, good poem anyway. 8/10. Because I said so.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^hes right

yo kein witz.. i personally know ric b and i know for a fact that he did right this cuz he takes mad poetry shit in school but hes still gutta ya heard?? but yo ric this shit was locked down tight.. i can tell you realivin stress wit this one cuz ya got mad emotion.. 8/10 .. peAce1

Probably because he DIDNT write it...

Judge or "K" from RB did..

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=199174

^thats the original.

damn ric, what the fuck is this bullshit?? thanks for that proof hopes

wait a min. mayne that shit was posted like a day ago, ric posted his at the same time.... so whos realy bitin ??

^^ You dont see the post that K made saying he will be banned.?.........

Who says he didnt write it? Got ne proof? I'm an all around writer and I liv in an English council estate, ne1 can do nefin if they got the brains, the xperience and the inspiriation.

Neway I liked it not 2 lyrical but was deep and lyrical enuf 4 me. Used multis well and ur flow was almost consistant throughout. Saw a cuple of times where it was a bit off.

eg. "..More obsessed, possessed with the feeling it was blessed
And as the day past the night thought me it was ok to be depressed"

but keep it up it was nice.
Peace

The proof is in the links, the time dropped, and since this K has 12,000 posts, he's probably less likely to bite from someone with 33, because 1. it'd be a waste if he got banned for it, and 2. we can look at his other drops and see if they have the same structure and whatnot.

Biting poetry for god's sake...how are you ever going to get better if you're stealing from the person infront of you[and getting banned]?

thats cool, hate on him for posts? its a new name for him, hes been on here for longer than i have... im takin rics side on this shit.. yall think cuz ya vets ya can walk ova newbs, not happenin.

You're taking his side when the evidence is overwhelming?

If he's been here longer, and we don't know his alias, then he can just get back on that or make a new one. If he has that few posts, he could get them back in no time.

Siding with him because he's your friend is a stupid move.

yo man, i dont care bout him gettin a new alias, i know he wrote it... its a matter of respect, not fuckin names or posts, hes jus a victim of circumstance.

Oh, circumstance? Yes, it's a small coincidence they wrote exactly the same thing and titled it the same thing. That's all just coincidence.

He's a victim of the circumstance of biting. I'm not hating on him for his posts or whatever, I'm saying he has a lot less to lose then K does for biting on this name. Stop siding with your friend, it's pretty obvious...

you seem pretty new to the site.. how would you like it if you wrote a pretty good rhyme, and all of a sudden some vet, wit all this credibility comes along and steals ya verse, and posts it and says you bit it? obviously theyd take the vets side, but you know you wrote it.. ponder that awhile. and its not about losing anything, hell change his name if he has too, hell lose his post if he has to, thats nothin. its about K biting rhymes off a newb. and getting away with it.

on the real you is one dumb fool...........He bit it.........and do you aint catch the post when "K" said "he'll get banned........Tha fuck you got eyes?

O where's ric-b at now?.......Tha nigga aint saying nuffin

Nuff said.................

hey bitch im white dont call me nigga, second off i fuckin wrote that shit and juss cuz he's a vet dont mean shit.......i shouldnt be penalized for my status on the site......this is complete bullshit......and i dont want to be banned when im innocent so stop sayin shit wen u dont know wut the fuck is up homey i got this shit in my note book.....K should live up to the fact that he is bitten off me........http://community.rapverse.com/showt...16&page=2&pp=15 hey bitch theres ur fuckin link to proove i wrote it now im just as liable as K so u got just as much on im now as u got on me? wut can u possibly say now mo fucka im sick of yo big ass mouth

^^ Dawg.......your guilty...........perioid...............

that all you got to say?? haha you jus mad cuz he shut you up!!

^^ Uh no he didnt..........And i will laugh at your face when he gets banned by tomorrow.

you gon come laugh?? and how ya gon do that hahahaha, and hes not banned he gotta warning.. so i laugh haha

you gon come laugh at my face?? and how ya gon do that hahahaha, and hes not banned he gotta warning.. so i laugh haha

You seem to be disregarding the fact that we can check K's stuff, and not this kids. We can check the style to match them up. I've seen K's other drops, but none of 'ric-bs'.

Doubtless, he'll say something like 'I changed my style for this piece'. Coincidence? The kid knows he bit, he can live with the fact he's pathetic enough to not know how to write his own poetry and open mics. Live with the fact you're pathetic, brother. The way you talk is in deep contrast to the way "you" wrote that verse.

EDIT: Here's a link to a work of his that has the same structure.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=193717

Where's a link of one of yours?

Sho me the copyrights then ill b convinced. Till then I dont care whos it is, ric b posted it 2 get som feedbak and if hes postin some1 elses shit just 2 try and luk gud then hes a twat. He's not gonna get nefin out of it. Watch out 4 consistency in his nxt drop, then judge.

Lmao. Xenofly, that's not the way it works you retard. If he bites, he bites. It's in the rules of pretty much every rap battle forum. It's in every battle you make. He posted it to get some feedback...lmao. That's why most people post their shit, kid. Hence I said THEIR, not SOMEONE ELSES.

People bite to either win or look good. He's a twat no matter what. It's obvious he bits, and it's a ban-worthy offense.

Buh-bye, Ric-b...by the way... Talking to K... Something makes me think he didn't bite it.

Kalman Tempest [3:56 PM]: And I showed one of your Open Mics just like the one he posted.
Judge Like whoa [3:56 PM]: and i am open mic mod here
Judge Like whoa [3:56 PM]: former topical ss hw champ
Judge Like whoa [3:56 PM]: 7-1
Kalman Tempest [3:56 PM]: Heh.
Kalman Tempest [3:56 PM]: Topicals, huh?
Judge Like whoa [3:56 PM]: 5x open mic hall of fame

If hes bitin then hes a prik and he knos it so hoo cares? Y do u care so much? On somebodys dik?

...I care because I write poetry and shit and I hate when people take what I've written and using it for their own needs. I also care because it's against the rules. You can start talking when you know what you're talking about.

Lol sry me 220 posts wen u start writin last month? Just cos im new 2 the site dont mean im new 2 rap.

But you don't know what happens here.

alrite fair enuff