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-   -   "Milestone" Chapter One (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=195084)

Indeph 06-13-05 11:57 PM

"Milestone" Chapter One
 
"Milestone" Is a song from my album.This is an Audio song.
So don't look for all end rhymes.Simply flow it.It flows well.
The numbers before are the years,I'm narrorating the state
of the world.Like a documentary for my city Chicago.With
Chapter one beggining with the present time.

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2213868

Enjoy!



"Milestone"

2005 A.D.
05 summer,I am took by the season..
I was shook in belief,this I couldn't believe quick.
my young cousin said daddy lookin' at me...shit.
this triggered a thought sequence... of pity in guilt.
I left the barbeque,but the hit it was killing me still.
Its hard to chew it out.Its hard to part from broken hearts.
In the car,like "fuck I could of told him I know its hard!"
a heart to heart convisation,barf starts to barge.
The age isn't gracious,this probably means... nothing to you.
black eyes on a five you're old,tough love is abuse.
crushin' the youth.softly,the whole city's in hell.
I'm in a spot where I beg please send me to me jail.
Cause when hardships approach parents'll pity themselves.
Discardin my hope of to save this earth.But danger lurks.
And the kids will raise there kids,the same way but worse.
this whole generation's hurt.the pain increases at a baby's birth.
what do they deserve...



2035 A.D.
A million times around the clock. I veiw chicago.
We're gonna visit,places the news would not show.
On the sidewalk,my mistake.My shoes smeared the chalk.
Of a lifeless shape. Outside the church,I spot tumblin weeds.
A young cuz runs up to me,askin' me do I want some weed.
I reply no,his eyes low,He said I also hold some coke
its stronger so,you don't have to smoke the Dro
I repeat my answer.He tripped and he dropped his box.
A lot of Rocks spill now he getin stopped by Cops.
And I sigh.....
that's 5 to 10 years stall the tear fall.That one sense is dead.
let's go a different set.maybe there is success.
In the earth....
I thought but I was wrong.It was gettin' worse.
Across the street,a streetball game was In... play
a teen through the ball at his head,just a famous trick made.
The man patients broke,He raised his voice he couldn't take a joke.
He's made his choice.Loosend his sleeve and he shanked the boy.
How could you do this to me?with blood drippin from his lip.
Shit,this is provin to be.The truth.Bringing my spirits down.
I fear,but let's go twenty years from Now....


-One Love-

Indeph 06-14-05 12:31 AM

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Ghost 06-14-05 12:42 AM

Nice i wass Feelin It homie!enjoyed the COnept!flow wass nice when i read it out loud!but for the most part shyt was pretty good homie!keep that shyt up n soon you will be noticed!return the favor in ym link in my sig (DISSS TO TWISTE N WALL STREET)!
Uppin for ya homie!

Indeph 06-14-05 12:47 AM

Aight I'm returnin it now.Hit me back if you want some other Om's peeped too.

UNF 06-14-05 12:55 AM

Nice Dawg I Agree With GHost Good Piece Man Nice Flow Vocabulary Was Cool Dawg, Structure Was Cool, Man The Fuck Happen To Diagnosis Your Other Name??/ Any Way Nice Piece Keep Em Coming

Indeph 06-14-05 09:44 AM

Thanks for the feed.

Indeph 06-14-05 12:50 PM

I hate you people. :(

Indeph 06-14-05 01:18 PM

damn why did I even do this shit.

Paranoid 06-14-05 01:40 PM

i'd love to hear this recorded man. nice flow good emotion in here nice imagery the 2nd part was a lot more complex then the first though good imagery though hands down this was pretty good man i actually think you got a little bit better lyrically i still havent heard ya audios yet though.

rtf links in the sig

Un'Touched 06-14-05 03:04 PM

i was feeling this peice. the flow was there and the vocab was there also.
you showed your emotion through these words nicely and this peice seemed
deep. nice peice fam. def. looking forward to peeping some of your newer peices
keep me updated and drop a link or so to me on aim ill check em out....


Fav Lines- The imagery was strong here
Quote:
The man patients broke,He raised his voice he couldn't take a joke.
He's made his choice.Loosend his sleeve and he shanked the boy.
How could you do this to me?with blood drippin from his lip.
Shit,this is provin to be.The truth.Bringing my spirits down.
I fear,but let's go twenty years from Now....


i would really love to hear this recorded


-1

Indeph 06-14-05 05:30 PM

thnaks fam appreicate it so much for real.


uppin.

Indeph 06-14-05 07:59 PM

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Indeph 06-14-05 10:18 PM

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Indeph 06-15-05 12:50 AM

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Indeph 06-16-05 02:55 PM

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Indeph 06-16-05 11:22 PM

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Indeph 06-17-05 03:01 AM

damn man,Rapverse has went downhill.

PrahJect 06-17-05 03:36 AM

Discardin my hope of to save this earth.But danger lurks.
And the kids will raise there kids,the same way but worse.
this whole generation's hurt.the pain increases at a baby's birth.
what do they deserve...

^^^^^
I liked that.......this was really good....good topic and good flow and like u sed its audio id love to hear that drop cuzz....RTF plz.....link in sig

Mentor 06-17-05 04:40 AM

ayo some dope shit...i told u rv went downhill..lol..anyway this o.m is defitnly straight dawg...the vocab was aight went together better in some parts than others...but the story tellin and emotion is defitnly strong with this shit....fo real...8.5/10....some good shit.....u musta got kicked off of AIM but it aight i have ta go ta bed anyway..tireder than a muthafucka...but anyway welcome to the crew and anyone reading this thread make sure ta pm me, Indeph, or Militant, ta join..we gon bring rv back ta how it used ta be....anyway..good shit fam keep it..love ta see the next shit u do...we should collab sometime..peace

Mentor 06-17-05 04:42 AM

ayo ur sigg down????

Indeph 06-17-05 04:37 PM

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Indeph 06-17-05 10:47 PM

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Mentor 06-17-05 10:59 PM

uppin for the fam.....anybody...ya'll know this a dope piece..just type what ya think

¤ÐÅž¤ 06-18-05 03:01 AM

feeling the second verse a hell of alot more
then the first sequence of bars, shit had me
from start to end...mad dope, seriously indepth..
you kno me kiddo, i dont say its dope unless it is..
n i dont break ya balls unless its shit...1st verse to me was ass
but the second was so much better in every sense of the werd..
.
Daz

¤ÐÅž¤ 06-18-05 03:02 AM

my bad 2nd fuckup..^^feedback above..lol, damn pc

¤ÐÅž¤ 06-18-05 03:02 AM

lol, my bad...3rd fuckup..

Mentor 06-18-05 03:50 AM

its ok some poeple were just born ta be fuck-ups....lol just kiddin..im just playin i had ta say it..it was too good

Indeph 06-18-05 01:25 PM

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Charizard 06-18-05 03:28 PM

CHAR!!! chaar :love:

Mentor 06-18-05 08:46 PM

what the............

Daubs 06-18-05 08:50 PM

Nice man, structure was bad as a text verse, but i read it as if i were spittin it and it did flow so fucka structure.

2nd verse was better, but i was feelin the imagery and vocab throughout, overall nice peice.

Immense 06-18-05 09:42 PM

sup fam..this was straight...first off it was a nice concept.I liked the way you set it out.really creative.Structure was good...vocab was hot which always attracts me...

loved the way you write about the present day..and then write about twenty years from now..and then ended it making us think what it will be like another 20 years from that...overall this was a dope piece...would like to collab with you..i like your style..overall 9/10

return the favour on my dark disguise OM please.Its in ma sig..pz

Indeph 06-19-05 07:23 PM

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Indeph 06-20-05 01:21 PM

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Phorge 06-20-05 01:44 PM

Good concept you used here. Never encountered a piece like this before, it made me think because it was so down to earth. Most lines I could see happening, imagery was cool, and so was you're emotion. Despite you're flow being off, I thought the messages connected well throughout each bar..

Overall - 78/100..

Keep dropping..

Oz™ 06-20-05 02:56 PM

damn man....i aint even gone front...that shit was dope as fuck...and thats all i got to say...

Indeph 06-20-05 07:44 PM

thanks yo I appreicaite it.

Mentor 06-20-05 08:01 PM

uppin for Indeph...

J.Terror 06-20-05 08:22 PM

I think it has the potential to be a great piece.But it just fell short in certain parts.
See the flow? even though it was an audio piece, it was mad choppy inbetween bars
fix that dawg, i mean i do audio to, but the flow doesn't have to be that choppy
a different bar structure could help, lyrics were good, concept? i seen it before but good
Overall:7/10. nice drop though..thought provoking!!!

Indeph 06-21-05 04:26 AM

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