Pen N' Paper vs R-Rated
 

Minimum posts to vote: 400

Check in by: 06-15-05 at 11:53 AM

Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in.

3-0 KO

Pen N' Paper has ACCEPTED this battle on 06-14-05 12:06 PM.

R-Rated has ACCEPTED this battle on 06-14-05 04:36 PM.

6:00 A.M. on 06/06/06
Waking up and I see a radiance from my bathroom, I close my eyes
Wishing, thinking it’s a dream and I reopen its still there where it lies
I grab my gun from under my bed and just in case to save my life
I enter and the light disappears but then in the counter I see a knife
Look inside the bathtub and nothings there so I go back to sleep
Get into bed and fall away but to make sure my gun I will keep
9:00 A.M. on 06/06/06
Hear a loud sound and my gun vanished so I go back to the room
Inside its gloom, turn on the lights thinking my gun there I assume
Then I see something in the mirror and I don’t see my reflection
The views in my mind I’m not believing in my own perception
I get scared, I close my eyes and reopen them again and I see myself
The reflection has my gun and the knife that used to be on the shelf
12:00 P.M. on 06/06/06
I look at the time and now its twelve how could this be it was just nine
Time went by fast or did I just lose track cuz I could swear I had the time
But I see a sudden movement and it’s the reflection aiming the gun
My mind is thinking fast saying out loud “The end of my life it is done”
It fired a bullet went inside my arm causing an extremity of pain
Then I hit the mirror and it shattered the glass and I’m feeling the strain
Lost Track of Time
My knuckles was covered with blood, cuts, and the glass in my head
I had just punched my reflection, and my head is all covered in red
I think I’m dead seeing things that I thought I will never see before
Just recapping what I just saw and what happen, thinking what’s in store
The distorted reflection, pieces of the mirror, just took a glance
I ran for the phone and used my last energy to call the ambulance
6:00 A.M. on 06/06/06
Waking up and I’m in my bed relief that what just happen was a nightmare
I thought wrong, when I went back to the room, the mirror sight stared
My mind couldn’t think right I vomited wit all the confusions
The blood on the mirror read……….. “The Mirror of Illusions”
???? What is this? as my heart started bumping and I’m my breathing heavier
Then I felt a touch behind me, to know it was just something way more deadlier

This was feedback posted for R-Rated
 

juist checkin the pollz.........................................

This was feedback posted for R-Rated
 

Checking this shit out..........Good drop R-Rated.

Vote!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn Cock Fuckers..

~R~

Voted For: R-Rated

R-Rated....

This was a wicked drop man, really feeling this..

Removed

I'm a fuck tard, I'll go get that removed..

You can both e-punch me in the face..

This was feedback posted for Pen N' Paper
 

polllllllllllllllzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz

uppin this man cmon pplz vote stop sleepin

This was feedback posted for Pen N' Paper
 

checkinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn pollllllllllllllllsssssssssssss

Voted For: R-Rated

well

R Rated
i Think That You Wrote a very Long Long Topical drop and im pretty sure thats why its gettin slept on .lOL so Lemme shorten my explantion A whole lot LOL ...Aii your Creativity was sort of lacked in this drop But Yoru Way of Originality and point of view was terrific LOL not To be a d/r or nuttin like that but The only thing that was really lacked was creativity and not by that much jus by a lil ..so thats why It really wasnt your best drop ive seen you do so Ima give you the vote i liked your storyline a whole lot more than pen and paper I feel that you should still work on your creativity

Pen N' Paper
Aii Man You Drop was kinda crazy ..> iMean Not Your style its jsu your Story line opf this specific drop so Ima jus Sayin That you should work on that specifically I Cant Give you The vote Im sorry to say its jus that i wasnt feeling your drop all that too much .....sorry

RTF In any battle link in my sig

uppin this lets get sum more votes aight close this

i kno its late but im uppin still for more votes cmon pplz

n when is that crew vote gon get handled if not settled soon i will have to report aight so get that fixed

^ You don't have to report anything man, check the battle forum problems, I posted in there right after I did it... It was a mistake, strobe will get to it..

This was feedback posted for Pen N' Paper
 

......................nixe man............................
r came hard too.

Uppin This Muphucka For Some Vizotes..

Bitches..

~R~

This was feedback posted for Pen N' Paper
 

checkin battle..........

uppin this lets get votes cmon

Upping for you two................................

Voted For: R-Rated

Alright.. This took me a shit load of time to read..

But, both of your raps was pretty good..

Here's what I got out of it,

R-Rated
Even though it seems like your lines are a little stretched, there was quite a bit of inner rhyming which kept the flow on target throughout the peice. The inner rhyming is what continually kept me paying attention, because it brought something else to the table. Other then that, the way you went about the topic was not what I would have expected. That is a good thing. I liked the creativity and how you carried the peice. There was some good imagery and the emotion, mostly right in the middle, was nice as well. It was an interesting and good read.

Pen N' Paper
Your lines were a tad stretched. This could have easily been fine with some more inner rhyming, but throughout a lot of your peice, you didnt have any which threw off the flow a little bit. The way you went about the topic was kind of expected. I used to write topicals like that, but you have to get away from the whole "it was just a dream, though not really" type of stuff. Other then that, the imagery was pretty good. You kept a picture of what would have been happening going, but your peice lacked emotion. You didnt keep me interested in that sense. Overall, your verse could have used some work, but it was still pretty good.

Overall
R-Rated executed his style better by using the inner rhyming. He also had the better flow, because Pen N' Paper stretched his lines without holding anything in between. R-Rated went about the topic in a more creative way and executed it nicely. Both of them had pretty good imagery to go along with their story lines, but R-Rated had way better emotion to compliment his. Basing off of all of that, R-Rated had the better topical verse.

Vote - R-Rated

Hit up the link in my sig please.

ok thnx for ur feed really appreciate it
cmon pplz stop sleepin and leave some votes on this dammit...lol

okey dokie pen is here need some to get his closed 4real

cmon uppin this man ok lets get this closed finally aight

uppin this battle cmon need votes pplz votes

uppin this cmon pplz lets get this closed uppin 4 votes

Voted For: R-Rated

R-Rated:

Good verse here man...Emotion was really good, really nice use of vocabulary, and GREAT imagery...You did a real nice job on the topic, explained it well an shit...

"Welcome To The Gates of Perpetual Truth Where Forever Your Life Will Change..
Where You'll Realize Your All Puppets On Strings Performing Life On A Stage.."

^^ Favorite Line in your verse man real nice job. Everything also flowed real nice.

Pen N' Paper:

Good verse from you as well man...You had nice emotion, decent use of vocab, and good imagery...However, I feel that you could've upped you emotion a little bit as well as your use of vocabulary...Everything else was good man, but I just wasn't feeling it as much as R-Rated's verse man...Yours wasnt that interesting and didn't make me wanna keep reading.

V/ R-Rated