![]() |
Gongshow. vs Paroxysm
Battle Rules:
6 - UNLIMITED Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Topic = Reminescence of a love gone wrong.... Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 07-03-05 at 03:56 PM Must drop verse in 1440 minutes after check in. |
Gongshow. has ACCEPTED this battle on 07-03-05 12:23 AM.
|
Paroxysm has ACCEPTED this battle on 07-03-05 01:37 AM.
|
It was may 29th…the day was so nice, I laid up at 5 to seven, dazed from the night, my brain was excited cause today was the prom I’ve been waiting so long, then I gazed at the bong Lit it up took a few hits my face looking calm I got dressed, brushed my teeth, then went straight to the john Shook the piss from my tip, and laced the flaves that I bought Layed my tux out, then went to school, blazed from the chron My girl janie’s the bomb, she’s attractive to the T She’s so distracting that to cheat, would be irrationally bleak So when I tell her ima love her, well I practice what I preach It’s the happiness she brings that hides the bachelor in me Im confident that she’s the one, and yes I fathom my beliefs She manages to teach me pleasure with her passionate degree Now from class and up the street, to the dance and when we meet I look into her face…but when I glance it gets to deep I put my hands upon her cheeks, and look back to the day we met Her friend bonnie hooked us up, our first date, the greatest sex She made me vexed, cause soon thereafter, well the lady stretched All the boundaries that we had when she mentioned baby steps Nice and slow was the verdict, take our time, make the best Of the things that we have, see the future, pave the steps Basically, have fun, learn each other, and make her wet But be sure to wear protection cause we don’t want a baby yet Janie let, me take her breath away…the first date It was thursday, dinner, a movie, then first base Second base, in the car, we started the flirt stage stepped up to the plate, swung for the wall, and hit third base to her birthday, she changed from the outfit she had When I laid her body on the couch bed at the pad I doubt anything bad, would mess up the moment we shared Connection was fast, and we became a harmonious pair No loneliness bared, she was like my angel in the flesh And the reason that I got her name engraved into the chest We’ve been together for a minute, and still taking baby steps Safe sex, but a not a lot though, she claims it’s for the best Its all good though, im horny, but can wait if she suggests Cause im hoping we elope to change her name and her address So im face to face with stress, but the way she fits that dress Well, its making me forget, cause our engagement has been set It’s prom day, im getting sex, I brainstormed a romantic theme After prom, take her home to a room where the candles gleam Rose petals on silk blankets the mood has been planned and schemed After making love, I’ll crawl into her heart on hands and knees Gradually, read her a stanza I wrote to expand our dreams Then guide her into the living room next to the mantle piece Have her creep with her eyes closed and then extend her hand to me Amnesty from lust she blushes as her finger grabs the ring Happily, her eyes open with glee, she’s soft spoken but screams Cause thoughts floating in dreams, unlock, open, and free She walks over to me, and talks, gloating that she Was not choking, but she, could not focus or breathe She’s hot hoping that we, can make love on the couch Intimate vibes are causing small quakes under the house Two lovers about to join within a covenant vowel Intense, fingertips, she shivers, as im rubbing her down My tongue in her mouth, I can taste the chardonnay we drank After a few hours, we made the decision to take a break We stayed awake for hours talking how our future may be paved Then she fell asleep in my arms, we woke up the next day at 8 Engaged with a hang over…I left bed yawning Took a piss and went down stairs for a fresh egg omelet Came back to ask jaine…”you want break-fast mommy” And I gasped cause it wasn’t her but her best friend bonnie |
Reminescence of a Love Gone Wrong - Courtesy of the Five Senses.
It’s scary how many things can take you back to the past Looking through glass past a crystal ball for last laughs.. While a flag is at half mast because those looks can kill But looks can be deceiving, like the cased taste of pills Whether you’re ill or looking for thrills it’s still shit you can’t smell When your vision is blurry, scrawling letters you can’t spell Across a perfume scented note with the words stuck in your throat If these walls could talk… Who would be there to listen to quotes? Feeling remote, like a bomb about to explode into flames But the fire is doused; you feel the rain wash the pain away It may sound insane but this is life, with love’s expectance And from my perspective… Love can’t be forgotten with the reminiscence of five senses. Short but sweet, good luck. |
This was feedback posted for Gongshow.
Yo, I was gonna vote on this battle, but I can't make up my mind. Although ya verse was short, this said it all
"It may sound insane but this is life, with love’s expectance And from my perspective… Love can’t be forgotten with the reminiscence of five senses." Paroxysm...what can I say??? Just an excellent drop right here. Very vivid imagery and emotion. "After making love, I’ll crawl into her heart on hands and knees Gradually, read her a stanza I wrote to expand our dreams" ^^Definitely feelin this. Well, sorry I couldn't drop a vote on this, but u both came hard and did tha damn thang....drops like this make me proud to be a topical head |
i thought paroxysm's was excellent and he deserves the win in this one. but vote as you please. :) up!
|
This was feedback posted for Paroxysm
Checking Polls On This..
~R~ |
Thanks for the support Gongshow...your verse wasn't that bad at all either ....uppin for some votes
|
word...........
|
Voted For: Paroxysm
Damn cat u weaved that like a true tapestry on this thread . . . Gongshowu drop something good too. . . but my vote has to go to Paroxysm because of the Denouement - This is the final outcome or untangling of events in the story- plus there was a suspense feeling to it. . . . i just liked it. . . . Good drop both of YOU |
thanks for voting.........up......................
|
This was feedback posted for Paroxysm
Word you got this Paroxysm.....ur structure was dope and ur wording was great....as for your opponent...you did really well too sir....but parox just had a better written verse with more imagery....sorry I can't poll my vote yet....but Good Luck to you guys!
|
Voted For: Paroxysm
Wow. . . Gongshow u had a great drop it was precise and to thepoint and u did doa great job. . . but the story that Paroxysm brought out was nice. . . it had all elements of a great story told in first person with vivid imagery---introduction, rising and falling action, complication, crisis, resolution-- all brought out to the reader fell beautifully into place . . . . i was just impressed by both but my vote goes to Paroxysm |
Bumpin this thing for some more votes thanks.................
|
Bumpin this thing another time ........cmon.......votes
|
Bumpin this thing...maybe i can get some votes eh???
|
This was feedback posted for Paroxysm
.................................................. ...............
|
^thanks for nothing...anyways uppin this thing............
|
Voted For: Paroxysm
Damn........thats a lot of lines so i'm just gonna go for the basics... u had a very good opening with a sick closure............. the best punch: Cause im hoping we elope to change her name and her address So im face to face with stress, but the way she fits that dress weakest line: We stayed awake for hours talking how our future may be paved Then she fell asleep in my arms, we woke up the next day at 8........ very nice drop there:::::::: Vote:Paroxysm |
bumpin once again .....................................
|
This was feedback posted for Gongshow.
that other guy shit too long....good luck trya get votes....
|
Voted For: Paroxysm
Wat a damn story hands down I dint even wanna read your opponent's say Hot shit mayne keep it up ........ |
^---------------------------------------------------------^ for the win
|
^----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------^
|
^---------------------------------------------------------aoisfhoisanf
|
Voted For: Paroxysm
Aii Paroxysm Aii Man Your Topical Was Very Very very Long For Starters But You Did Stay On Point And You Did State Your Topical Opinion Very Precise And You Had Very Nice Vocab And Imagery Mixed in Inside of This Topical and Then You Stayed On Topic Threw The Whole Thing Which Is kind Of Hard To Do if You Have a Long Drop Like Your Some People Jus Type Forever Lol But You Stayed on Point And You Dropped Some a Nice Point Of View of The Topic My Favorite Lines Were These Rii Here: Engaged with a hang over…I left bed yawning Took a piss and went down stairs for a fresh egg omelet Came back to ask jaine…”you want break-fast mommy” And I gasped cause it wasn’t her but her best friend bonnie LOl Your Like an RV R.Kelly lol Except You wasnt Trapped In The Closet lol Nice Stroyline man Good Drop You Get my vote in This Battle [size=5]Please RTf In mY battle Link ASAP [size] Gongshow ai man Your Piece was Shirt And Its Nuttin Wrong With keepin your drops simple Sometimes In These Topicals BUT....when you got a Topic as of what you guys had yous houldve came alot more coplex and a little more creative seems like you were crammin all your thoughts and Ideas in like 2 lines each and it didnt seem like you was really feelin what you was sayin and all so I wasnt feelin your drop that much man Im sorry to say ..............So You couldnt get my vote in ths batlle man srry no hate PLEASE RTf in my battle Link |
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:34 AM. |