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~Lady Fiya~ vs Tweety
Battle Rules:
20-30 Lines No Recycling No Biting No feeding (taking idea) fully explain votes no hate votes vote on all aspects (Imagery, emotion ect ect) Crew can vote (GW AND TE) Topic-Floating words MY FAULT! LOL Minimum posts to vote: 400 Check in by: 07-14-05 at 12:29 PM Must drop verse in 7200 minutes after check in. Win by forfeit |
Tweety has ACCEPTED this battle on 07-14-05 12:08 PM.
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~Lady Fiya~ has ACCEPTED this battle on 07-14-05 12:11 PM.
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“…Lean not towards your own understanding.” -Proverbs 3:5 Intro It’s not coincidental that sight and sound tend to match in basic symmetry The same sounds that make our ears tingle can open our eyes wide vividly The senses help guide in the straight path splitting those that are abnormal We feel things from the tips of our fingers and hear sounds of paranormal Floating Words You won’t meet her directly ’cause you won’t look for her like phone calls from friends out far, nor green lights for cars.. not even speech for the jaws they say she don’t exist, it’s a belief you seen it because of those with faith not the things you see and hear everyday from ringing bells, babies or trains.. but the disabled r able to wait and depend on her, to follow the hands to obey only at the end will you read this the right way, mute words she will convey she communicates disregarding class and culture, thoughts boiling into tests like the lips of Judas revealed Christ, weak judgment blossoms the blessed & to know someone so sensational can be aware with ears overtly immature she’s lured by lifelines in palms of this sincere companion, it’s quite secure... ...submitting her pure comprehension of verbs, subjects, n subordinate clauses common people only imitate, replace the translation using periods for pauses but we fall into complex traps, willing to convert back to her we attempting to fly we pivot back to what’s known, being ignorant we go on and on like clocks time our hands switch position like gestures, for one to understand we’ll exaggerate it Every word is in the eye of the beholder, writing insults her…Ms. Sign Language Good Luck, Tweety. 1 |
1st character He sits by him, feeling nervous, sweats pouring down hectic Plane takes off, force winds making his ear, hearing static He can only feel his heart beat pounding out of his chest Like without any holes in a box, he quickly holds his breath Like an road that's bumpy, the plane starts getting shaky Fear screams pouring out of passengers vocals, so screechy Body in a downward position, he whimpers as his body throb Holding onto his friend hand looking into his eyes sighting his sob Below of him, it starting to get wet, it's not the fear he pee in his pants It's the end of the roller-Coaster ride and we're sinking, where there’s no land 2nd character The water so cold, he starts to Tremble, but with heavy fear His Voice is Speechless dead corpse bodes lying everywhere Except him and his friend, Life-Jacket on their bruise arms Hid body Teeters, Lips quivers aint no way he can remain calm Holding onto his friend hand, they finally emerge out of the graveyard Sun Shining Above them, but it seems to him that keeping .................................................. ................His head up is so hard the EFFECT water slippery. The Cause losing grip onto his friend fingers He Tries to race up to the surface but it was to late. Deep down he lingers He sights his friend eyes in a desperate need, he gurgles trying to speak As He goes down, he see's his words in a bubble, evaporates into air .................................................. ..........................Out of the sea 1st Character He stood across from her face, tears Heavily pouring down from her pupil His heart melted out to her, seeing her tears, same as his friend like a sequel When he saw him go down, it was like seeing a rose doing the opposite of bloom Down, Down, he goes into a little seed, then death where there he'll rest .................................................. ..............For eternity but his soul will resume Now his tears Leak, Looking at his friend G/F stomach, a little baby is in there But the creator of the baby, Is like an ghost, but his soul remain, is not here Arms Wrap tightly around his friend G/F, Like an present giving his heart out to her He feels the pain in her heart, that's broken into pieces thrown into vigor It seems his eyes are incandescence, because their red, but it just the tears Flashing back on that Tragic day as he saw his own friend go down .................................................. .................Last Words he couldn’t hear |
Vote up................................................ .
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i forgot to put this (below) lol...
---The conflict in this topical is how people can Write and produce floating words (concrete)... vs. how people can use symbols to produce symmetrical floating words (abstract)--- Let's hope people can get it after they read it.. You had a nice topical by the way.. good luck, chica. |
Booyago........................................... .....:)
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Booyago................................Uppin...... .............
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goodness people don't vote for nothing LOL...... uppin'!
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wooo hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooo
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:hump:............................................ .................. |
^none of that, missy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Not just a little?......I mean Touchie touchie :) |
hell no... and i can't believe no one has voted yet, but there's 200+ views... amazing.
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I just went over my friends house :hump: I got sexaully healed :laugh: |
This was feedback posted for Tweety
check the pollz....to tired to votes .............
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^^ Fag..............Uh Uppin.....................................
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Uppin............................................. ...
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This was feedback posted for Tweety
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Cool :)........Uppin..................................
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Can we get some votes in this shiznit.....................
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Uppin............................................. ....
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Voted For: Tweety
i gotta come up in here...and say i like ur verse..thats all ...i really like how u used ur struc..in the first 2 chars....but u fell off at the end..but ur flow was good..and i like some of the words u used..they brought the strong parts of the verse out...but on tweet..i do like ur flow also..but i think it took a little more to catch onto...and flow wit it..but nice flow all together but...L.F..gets my vote Vote-LaDy FiYa Vote switched |
aww man sry..the vote was for lady fiya..sry all can ya get this fixed
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damn where you been? welcome back... uppin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Uppin............................................. ...
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Voted For: ~Lady Fiya~
flow-Lady fiya because with a shorter verse...it's easier to keep a good flow goin.I felt as though tweety had a basic rhyme which is something I utterly hate so bad!SO flow was all LAdy Fiya here. Imajery/Emotion/content...etc.- Well...as for the concept...I think TWeety's 1st character/2nd character was more unique and innovative.But both of you had that emotion/sad shit. imajery was even...while readin it...it was easy to picture it. as for content as a whole...fiya had it "like the lips of Judas revealed Christ, weak judgment blossoms the blessed" ^^This was dope...i like this line the most in this battle. But wording needs to be improved by the 2 of you.There were some line worded beautifully..yes...but there were also some worded horiibly. Vocab went to Fiya as well.Tweety's vocab was a lil bland. Vote-Lady Fiya rtf in one my battles in sig. |
Voted For: ~Lady Fiya~
ummmmm,ok, tweetys piece to me was all about imagery, altho there was a certain degree of emotion potrayed in ur piece, i jus felt that fiyas was more powerful. Lady fiya's verse flowed easier, and ur use of varied vocabulary and alliteration here and there made it nice to say out loud. The topic was nice and the stories that u both told were good. But i thought putting the quote as the introduction was a nice touch for LF and gave the whole story a very distinct moral. overall i think LF's verse flowed better, had a more extensive range of vocabulary and was a more original topic. but both were nice to read. no hate. |
wow thanx.... and if Macreep = K-Trini, i really wasn't expecting that, i thought you had beef with me.. but eh, uppin for some more explained votes, thanx for takin y'all time to read both or pieces.. :thumbup:
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Cool...Uppin...................................... ..
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