child of the night(HOT DONT SLEEP)
 

jus a topical i wrotei n the car think it is a gud acheivement wot u think?

Except me, exceptionally, I neglect to rest and drone on deafly,
Only blown a twenty, but my pesky lust is Jonesin’ heavy.
Sounds of debt, fees, and fines prove it’s my turn to roll already,
The sonar’s deadly, I’m shaking but these little bones are heavy.
I’m hesitant, at home I’m getting formerly known as deadbeat,
The seeds I’d sown were fledgling in the many loans and levies.
My chance to grow is now and I hope to settle these reverences,
The night sky is the limit and it’s speckled with ebony blemishes.
Wrestling with these dice, my grieves are now brevity negligence,
Betting now, I readily put my fate to heavenly penmanship.
Any remnant of my property became a part of the solemn ante,
Life’s easy as the barrel’s bottom in this anonymous Harlem shanty.
It’s all or nothing. When I win this, I’ll honestly guard it gladly,
My heart stops, the banker rolls… this throw can rob me badly…
But… Thank God! Two dodgy threes and a lonely four don’t win
Giving me a chance to hone in and take the throne before him.
I can’t afford to fail, grappling these ivories like an elephant
In spite of the moon, my shine will reign, the night’s irrelevant.
Echoes of gripes and pestilence make this fight benevolent,
My mind’s right as I shake and drop the dice with hesitance…
Landing and tumbling separate, the three dice are harsh done deals,
Crowding by my destiny, all my weight kneels on scars unhealed…
It’s him or I, the pair of ones stare at me, I’m charmed to meet them,
Snake eyes sharp as cleavers, the last die will mark the deed, and…
… how do you do?… A two… my cold corpse falls on the arena,
orphaning my kids to deal with a mess of a life to clean up.


voted on..http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2294535
and...http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2294540

upping...........

koo thanks for feed upping!!........................

pretty decent drop...flow was on point..structure was ok...
vocabulary was in good usage....stayed on the topic good
concept...overall this was nice keep it up...

overall-8/10

RTF on my OM...link in sig.~1~

upping.......................thanks for the feed

Damn Man.

whenever I see multies when i read a piece, I'm put off, cos people dont usually know how to use them, but you did it perfectly. You can really feel the emotion in this piece man, The whole things just dope. I could imagine it as a track.

Deep man, nice shit.

thanks for the feed upping................................

upping...............................

Nice drop manye

upping,.............................

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thanks for the feed tek

Yo unfuckwidable, feeling that drop, vocab is nice too, nice wordplay too :d keep it up

thanks for feed upping ....

feed plz?....upping...

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unfuck witable nice rhyme enjoyed it but le me add a little something

Wear witty bandanas but like city planners revitalize
Towns never prioritize clowns their title not wise
They Deliver hate that deteriorate neighborhoods
Behavior would cause problems try labor good
When writing and fighting my own imagination
Slam-dunk walls with the damn funk and all fragmentations
And debris may delay my travel may as well stay unravel
This lyrical bomb I constructed from rhymes and stray gravel
Come true and correct with all due respect rap game
Try trap lame cats and tame gatts not to shoot after aimed

liked the topic of debt nd such made for some good reading, flow was decent, the vocab was exeptional aswell... had the flow been a little smoother it would have been a much better peice but ima give it 7.3 / 10 regardless..... return tha favor on the links in my sig

lol@madd ok sik 1 i will rtf

nice drop homie shit was ill!!stayed on topic very well keep em' comin homie!!!!!!!peace

yeh thanks upping!!!

this was good man, flow was good, imagery was ok, emotion was there, nice drop overall, keep it up