Spoken Word vs B-MAC
 

Battle Rules:

16-20 Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting
No Hate Votes


Topic: Silence

Good Luck

Minimum posts to vote: 20

Check in by: 07-20-05 at 11:43 PM

Must drop verse in 60 minutes after check in.

B-MAC has ACCEPTED this battle on 07-19-05 10:11 PM.

A Job that can only be fullfilled, By a quick and Silent Figure.

Entrenched in the long grass, that grows from the Field
Gilli suit for camouflage, to prevent from being Revealed
Concealed, as a sniper I’ve been sent to full fill a job
Trained to be quick, slick and mysterious as If i was god
As still as a Brick, This silenced M-21 is a snipers magic stick
As if I wasn’t there, as if a bullet came from No where
Stuck the enemy straight through his Scared Stare
Hitting the ground with a profound Sound
I crep up to a nearby mound, Take aim at the nearby prey
They will come to his rescue sooner or later today
I’m like a tree falling in the woods, When no one is around
With out a sound to be heard, no one says a word.
As I lay atop this mound, Motionless I glare into my scope
As a enemy your hopeless, when I grab a hold of this trigger
This cross hair, cares little for these rebel ditch diggers
The statistics and figures weigh 10 to 1
But like a needle in this corn field, I cant be out done
Like a snake yah cant hear me, But yet I’m so near
Silent as a ghost, as quick as a light year

Spoken Word has ACCEPTED this battle on 07-20-05 11:36 AM.

Aiight here it is ... Good Luck

Good Job Hommie.. LEts get some votes................

uppin this for some votes people, ill rtf.......

Voted For: Spoken Word

ayo i mean damn homie you was ill the vocab,stucture and shit homie you got this homie i uppin this cuz ur ill homie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!B-MAC u was good but the tapic silence came more to spoken homie but u was ill too but spoken got more feeling!!!!!!!!!

Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation.

Cool..............................uppin........... ..........................

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upping for more votes drop a link ill rtf.........

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Voted For: B-MAC

you took this battle by inches

best punch;
As if I wasn’t there, as if a bullet came from No where
Stuck the enemy straight through his Scared Stare
nice

weak punch:
As a enemy your hopeless, when I grab a hold of this trigger
This cross hair, cares little for these rebel ditch diggers
...needs elevation/.../...

werd...tight battle






vote:B-MAC

Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation.

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uppin this for more votes, that vote will get removed also...

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.........................omg... Lets Get Some Damn Vote......

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Voted For: B-MAC


SPoken WOrd-mediocre verse in my opinion.worded ya shit nicely.but content was boring to say the least.I'm sorry...but these emotional peices are cliche now due to the amount it't being used.Ya concept was basic to the topic.Try to use some unique ideas for the concept.An average verse.

B-Mac-Good verse.I love that sniper concept.I liked your verse better.Unique concept.But your content coulda been a little better....but it all good as you actually kept me awake...a rare thing in topicals these days.Ya wording was a lil..meh.Work on that.

Vote-B-Mac for better concept and more intruiging content.

Hit one my battles in sig.

Thanks yo.. Uppin. for more feed..........................................

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Voted For: Spoken Word

ok B-Mac...almost anyone could write a topical like that, good vocab and ok flow and all but it wasnt as creative as Spokens. Spoken u had good flow but I think u need to ahve more emotion and a lil bit more imagery and ull be killing them. V/Spoken for more creativity....please hit the battles up in my sig

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Voted For: Spoken Word

I vote for spoken word, becuz of his use of vocab and his way to generate a good and emotional piece for the topic....this was a close battle both very good, but b-mac u lost me through ur rhyme...."With out a sound to be heard, no one says a word.
As I lay atop this mound, Motionless I glare into my scope" yo man that dont rhyme........no hate just stating my opinion and thats my vote

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Voted For: Spoken Word

B-MAC-Good verse.Flow was on-point through the whole thing.DIdn't like the basic rhyme scheme that you had in the verse though.But you had nice internals.Wording was good.COntent as a whole needs to be upped a notch.The concept was meh.

Spoken Word-Flow was good.I like the multis you had.Better structure than B-Mac.Wording was better too.Concept seemed to also follow along with the topic better.But the content was where i think you blew him out.Better description and vocabulary by far.

Vote-Spoken Word
RTF

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=203166

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Voted For: Spoken Word

Spoken - This was a good drop. Not hall of fame..but not hall of shame. You came decent with imagery. Emotion could have been more present. But it was too dull. Vocab wasnt amazing either. You took an approach that is too basic in my eyes. Go within the topic and be creative. As a writer you gotta experiment to get better. But anways back onto the piece. Flow was good. Rhyme scheme was alright, kinda eh in some spots. You stayed on topic. Go deeper with your descriptions and try to use internal rhyming. Not a bad drop man.

B-MAC - Okay first off, your rhyme scheme messed this up horribly. You need to rhyme to make it flow. And your flow was effected the way you wrote this. The vocab wasnt great. Imagery was attempted but didnt help much. Emotion was very limited in this. You took a different approach but you didnt do it well. It was sorta clever but you didnt succeed in doing it. A very basic drop and it didnt earn the win. Sorry but you outmatched this time.

This was feedback posted for Spoken Word
 

checkin polls......................................

This was feedback posted for Spoken Word
 

y0 tHaT sHiT wUz FiRe SuN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Voted For: Spoken Word

Entrenched in the long grass, that grows from the Field
Gilli suit for camouflage, to prevent from being Revealed
Concealed, as a sniper I’ve been sent to full fill a job
Trained to be quick, slick and mysterious as If i was god
As still as a Brick, This silenced M-21 is a snipers magic stick
As if I wasn’t there, as if a bullet came from No where
Stuck the enemy straight through his Scared Stare
Hitting the ground with a profound Sound
I crep up to a nearby mound, Take aim at the nearby prey
They will come to his rescue sooner or later today
I’m like a tree falling in the woods, When no one is around
With out a sound to be heard, no one says a word.
As I lay atop this mound, Motionless I glare into my scope
As a enemy your hopeless, when I grab a hold of this trigger
This cross hair, cares little for these rebel ditch diggers
The statistics and figures weigh 10 to 1
But like a needle in this corn field, I cant be out done
Like a snake yah cant hear me, But yet I’m so near
Silent as a ghost, as quick as a light year

My vote is for B-Mac only for this one reason: he stayed with the topic meaning his rhyme was about "A Job that can only be fullfilled, By a quick and Silent Figure."

Spoken word your verse was dope but it didn't touch on the topic as a whole! It was poetic in essence, you focused on more on the aspect of SIlence more than "A Job that can only be fullfilled, By a quick and Silent Figure." Dope verse but it wasn't consistent with the topic.

Peace & Hip Hop
Barz


Vote switched

uuppin............................................ ..

Voted For: Spoken Word

B-Mac-Ok...I like the concept you took.Silence..to Sniper.Good.U took the creative route with the concept.But one problem I saw was that it was tough to pick up emotion and imajery through ya verse due to poor wording.I found both your wording and vocab as newbish.And the words you rhymed..elementary.

spoken word-I though your concept wasn't as good as B-Mac's.But you executed it better.Better vocab and wording by far.Was a little boring at first...but it got better later on.Very descriptive and more profound.You won in my opinion..but next time..work on making it more interesting.

Vote-Spoken Word
RTF BELOW OR THIS WILL BE DQ'd
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=204014