Fight Night
 

..The time has finally come with one adrenaline rush..
..Weeks of gruelling training, all for this final push..
..If i win i will finally gain some deserved respect..
..And can feed my family from the resulting paycheck..

..4 hours prior, the tension is rising, emotions are flying..
..This isnt sport, fuck pity the loser can end up dying..
..8 months training for this one fight to get the win..
..Suspense imminent, the nervous flood of thoughts begin..
..What if i lose, my children must fend for themselves..
..I cant help them out, just look down from higher realms..

..Crowds distant chants indicate the next bout is mine..
..Pray one last time and hope everything works out fine..
..I enter the ring and look my opponent up and down..
..It must be the adrenaline, his arms seem to have grown..
..His presence is monsterous, what chance have i got..
..I can hit him, he hits me, who you think will drop..
..My morale is lowered i am noway stable to fight..
..My family cheer me on, i wont dissapoint them tonight..

..I choose to fight, possibly the last decision i will make..
..This should never happen, never put my family at stake..
..This isnt about power, its deeper, the ultimate test..
..With one final praer i tie my gloves and hope for the best..

Linkin this OM.......

Up........................................

nice imagery, i like how the story is portrayed. vocabulary seemed a little bland. thats the only thing i think you have to elevate on, your emotion is good. keep it up..

solid..solid.....good vocab..yu dont wanna get too flashy with it..on this type of topic..since yu didnt get into detail with the fighting......yu good with story telling, mayne


..With one final praer i tie my gloves and hope for the best..
^yu gonna write a sequel?....or can i write it?.....


str8 job fam....i enjoyed reading this...

You can write one ma...............

Thanks for feed, up.........................

ayo man it was a hot drop homie was ill wordplay structure mayne everythng mayne was good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!RTF on my shit homie my links are on the bottom of my sig?!peace

Returned...........

yeah daubs good stuff, do u box? imagery and emotion were the strongest aspects of this piece, n i like the way the endings a cliff hanger, i think this is the first OM i've read from u! :thumbup: RTF on either thnx

I will do, and yeah i do...amatuer.

hey yo this was nice....good imagery and vocab...i really enjoyed reading this one....9/10....RTF to the links in my sig Daubs........

It was a good short drop...intertaining, good, multies nice imageries i would give this piece a 8/10...:thumbup:

This started off pretty hurt-sack. The first verse gave me the impression this would be wack as shit, but you did a great job pulling it together.

-Excellent structure and syllable count in the piece, really made it flow smooth.
-More multies and internals would have been plenty beneficial.
-Great use of emotion, decent imagery.
-Great finishing line, closed off the piece beautifully.
-Fix up the first couple bars and this will help the piece along greatly

Word.

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=202243

Thanks for the good feed, ima return now.

Good stuff Daubs. Good flow and structure.

.'This isnt about power, its deeper, the ultimate test..
..With one final praer i tie my gloves and hope for the best'

That was the best line, it was the killer punch after you had built up the tension.

safe^

up...............

Aw Naw Again Some Dream Ass Poetry You Didn't Get Grimy Hell Put This In A Story Book Not Rap At All You Wrote This For Poetry Heads And Again Fuck Poetry No True Atitude In That Shit

Its not poetry you herb, its a tpical..the topic was fight night.

I can do grimey shit too, check some battles / om's.

this was a nice drop

good wordplay

had kind of an ol school structure

that seems 2 be everyones begining structure

but this was str8 drop

7/10

yea i agree w/ tha majority on diz 1 overall it was a great piece fa sho i like ur imagery, structure, multi'z & tha concept ...but da missing link in it was ur vocab u need work on dat but othawise ur good keep writing & elevating

safe...........

yo man nice drop i like the nice imagery, good multis and such...vocab wass iight could up on that.....nice sttructure, made it flow nice....8/10 man keep postin and shit

rtf on my sig links.......1

good drop....imagery was crazy......flow was nice...vocab was aight.....structure was really good....emotion was high in this drop........good ending 2.....rtf...any link in ma sig

ima return them 2 later.

This was a good piece that held descriptive content...great vocab & good flowing multis..The imagery was solid, which made ya complexity good & realistic..seeing how boxers fight so they kids can eat..as in this case..The idea was creative as well & held a mediocre depth toward the entire piece..

The only thing I didn't like is that you didn't elaborate on the topic..it's seems more like a good story that doesn't finish..I feel it would've been better if it was extended..but overall it was a nice piece..keep doing what you do