best ive written
 

this may be the best ive writtin so gimme some good feed PLEASE

tried to touch the stars... i fell burned and bruised
battered and used to battefield below i was accused
the crime was comprehended as a criminal offense
i pleaded to the prosecuter to pass the tense
please proceed and stop speakin of past events
my last offense, rape, i now practice absenensce
no sexual ho's, just confessional flows
let me go.. i cant run because mexicos closed
the jury judged my case with a jagged face
reviewin my case so rapid its like a rabbit race
judge reappeared to re-establish order in the court
i sit in my seat quietly as the judge reads the report
fast foward to the fences forty feet high from the ground
examine every exit as convicts escape only to be found
so i plan my perfect plot on my path out of prison
see a view of violence disapearing out of my vision
all the sudden i see satan and im sufferin burns
i reached for the stars sorta slipped up nd learned
that the heavens are a hope never meant to hold
i sold my soul to satan so now my body is cold
the burns become a blizzard as my body freezes
blood ran red now runs blue as the skies breezes
i awake in aww at the site of an assailant above me
i see the shank in his grasp as i laugh and say... "oh isnt this lovely"
:thumbup:

uppin.. get the feedback going.. dont sleep

dont sleep.....

good shit sik....im feelin dis one...i thought it was kinda funny at the end....good flow...keep progressin...u keep gettin betta and betta....

$$izno shady$$

Im def feelin ya Emotion and Vocab..those are 2 things i focus most on

so i was feelin that..it flowed well and i liked the structure

def hot piece

8/10

lol.......ending made me laugh.

ok,

structure was def the best part of this piece, made everything flow nice and smooth, vocab could have been better but it suited the piece's read. flow was solid and on point throughout, imagery picked up more and more as the piece went along and the emotion was meh, iffy.

overall though i really liked the way this flowed consistently throughout and the story was pretty good too with a nice ending. keep it up slim

yo thanks for tha props ^^ ya the avy is supposed to strike fear into the hearts of tha haters haha.. loookin to get some good feed.. maybe a nomination? :thumbup:

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=199804
my link.. shots in tha night << 2nd hottest OM on RV.com next to this one of course :thumbup:

1. one hell of a poetic flow right here enjoyed this piece for real
2, but as for a rapper flow only 4/10

yo, shit man this woz really tite actually, cuz this is one of the few pieces that i've seen that actually keeps a good flow and adds multis whilst actually telling a gud story. i'm feelin this alot. 9/10

thanks man.. feelin the love up in here give some more feedback good or bad as long as its explained ill return tha favor no doubt

yea that was tight props for doing this

thanks fam.. uppin for more feed

First One 2 Read On This Site N Was Dope So I Already Know This Board Has Potential

yo thanks for tha props.. keep it comin kiddos

good lookin' on checkin' out my self introduction. sick u got a sick flow! i'll be sure to look for your new ones.

thanks for the love chip... keep it up kids

uppin for feed...

uppin ..........

wow man i felt this......tight shit....ill try and see if i can and persue these people into nominating you..if not write more stuff like this and you will definitley make it..my advice to you take more time and use bigger vocabulary it will make your piece more enjoyable to read this piece right hurr was perfrectly structured aok emotion and pretty damn good rhyme sceme i say keep it up man........and return the favor...and remember vocabulary is they key...iight mayne im out rtf

thanks man feelin the love... uppin for feed

uppin...........

I chuckeld at the end of this
I like the picture you panited with your verse I enjooyed this peice
and your vocab was good....\

heres the breakdown

Flow:9/10
structure:10/10
punches: 10/10


nice drop

thanks man.. uppin for some more of this

Well Likke Di Told You Its Not A Good Rap But Good For The Soft Asses On This Site Hell These Fuck Scared To Show Attitude Well This Is Good For Poetry Heads Only Kid

oh yah.. ill drop it on audio when i get around to it.. just for you maddrapper :thumbup: and then well see if its just poetry

upppinggg......

keep the feedback comin

nice drop kind a funny

that was some bullshit feed... dont just post to get ur number of posts up....
if you want to give feedback ACTUALLY GIVE FEEDBACK.. rookies upset me lol

i upset maself (Lol)

didnt get it... but atleast you own up nd didnt try and argue with me lol.. good rookie *pats on head*

thanx (Lol)
*bark*

haha you iiight kid... drop some rhymes in OM i wanna see what you about

uppingg forrrr feedddbacckkkkk

uppingggggggggg

upping... laast time im uppin this so give me some real feed please