opt1k vs Rile1
 

Battle Rules: Topical

20-30 Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting
No Bullshit votes

Topic is: A Happy Fuck You

Minimum posts to vote: 50

Check in by: 08-04-05 at 10:24 AM

Must drop verse in 1440 minutes after check in.

Rile1 has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-02-05 08:38 PM.

at work again starting on a bad Monday
maybe tell my boss the truth some day
hit the run way, taking pictures of chicks
took my share of licks, jsut taking pics
a serious biz, a mess up was near deadly
always scared of getting fired fear heavy
......
.........
a few weeks pass, me kissin my boss' ass
getting A's in night class, attending mass
life in order, not like the past, a fixed life
no family strife, and I have a pregnant wife
for work I type now, takin pics making digital
habitual, I hate my boss and its like a ritual
......
.......
so its 2 months, and me and my boss talk smooth
not rude or with abuse, and I think he tells truth
sitting in my booth, or now known as a cubical
slamming my head down on desk attitude is full
my wife still beautiful, boss invited us to dinner
thought I was a winner, but later found out hes a sinner
............
.........
we're friends now, yeah me and the boss
the job tossed, we went golfing....I lost
called the cops, burglars invaded my house
messed with my spouse, tore her blouse
sumthing so small as a mouse, delicate
boss bought things it seemed irrelevent.....
.........
..........
joking one weekend I sed one big saying
"excuse me?" I got to praying...
a mental slaying my brain was fried
my career died, I begged and cried
holding him insane, I felt pain, its true
I was stabbed but lived over a Happy Fuck You


I tried lol

opt1k has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-02-05 10:32 PM.

droped the pen shit!but i picked it up again
and wrote some dope lyrics poppin off a trend
rhyme scheme hold......just stop and wait
nevermind yo fuck it u came too late
haha...missed an opputunity to pass and match
buildin a industry,bottom up^,from scratch
chea...better yet a dynasty,niggas roped and dope
my lyrics be so fresh and so clean like soap.
but just like most things think too fast ya choke
my lyrics be so elevated like flyweight it floats
ya'll need me here cuz im fresh to death
the juice be worth the squeeze til ther no mo left!
cuz i get it poppin my niggas so stop ur bulshit
came up real quick niggas hatin get of my dick
just cuz my lyrics have demand so tainted and strict
dont mean you can jump on nigga i'll beat the shit...
out of you hahaha...while im checkin ur girl
i aint gon stay,one night stand,welcome to my world
just like evry other person workin to get paid
im workin real hard nigga while im gettin laid
hahaha....chea understand this talk about that
fuck off nigga and get off my back
hahaha....elvis just left the buidin and forgot his coat
here ya go.............fuck off fuckin hill billy goat.....
head turnin fast have them double lookin
like the rock whoopin ass...can ya smell what im cookin?
ya thats bitchez who keep on tryna ride me CHECKED!!
CHECKIN ya fools one by one aint got respect...
for you silly ho's who be so called reckless
have you niggas likin me wit ya ears infected
so homies stop hatin get off my dick fools
so for now bitchez HAPPY FUCK YOU TOO!!!!

hahaha a real quicky fasho noothin was pre writ!!!!!!!!!!!!!how you like me now!!!!!!!!!!!!!hahaha nice drop homie real!!!!!!!!!!!

pretty good man I would love a audio version cuz thats what im working on right now...but u sorta didnt stick to the Topic..oh well looking for votes please!!

oh my fucking god can someone at least vote please!!!

wow........no votes in like days....

ayo you fuckers fuckin vote!!!!!!!!what the fuck rthe use of people if they cant fukin vote!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my fucking god!!!!!!! frikkin vote on this u bitches!!

This was feedback posted for opt1k
 

pollzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Voted For: Rile1

Opt1k- This wasn't my idea of a good Topic but oh well. Look. This was not a good verse at all. Your imagery was no-where near a potrait in my mind. The emotion isn't there. There's no Complex. No Deph. No...Anything. You had some Lines that you was giving out Punches which is not boust to be in a topical battle. I'm sorry but this was not a good Verse.

Rie1-You Jumped into your story too quick. SLow it down and let the story create it self. You had Imagery which was good. No emotion so upp on that. Vocab needs to be upp. I need more Complex and Deph plus metaphors and similes from you next Time. Ok Verse, but Come harder. Lol.

Overall- My vote goes to Rie1 cause he had better overall Topical wise Verse. Better Imagery and even the Smallest Peak of Emotion out-wind Opt1k. Opt1k didnt have in my opinion a good Topical nor Topical Wise, Because there wasn't anything in his verse. No Imagery, No emotioin. I mean every aspect in a Topical vere you boust to have. Vote Rie1

^^ thanks....fucking upping this...no one votes at all man...

oh my fucking god!!!!!!!!! upping this!!!! U ppl need to fucking vote!!!

fuck!!!! Can u people please fucking vote..I always vote back so please vote

damn u people!!!!!! please fucking vote on this!!

This was feedback posted for Rile1
 

y0 tHaT sHiT wUz FiRe SuN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can u people please Fucking vote on this!!!! its been open for hecka long....

Come on ppl vote on this for christs sakes...I will return all votes fairly I swear jsut frikkin vote

This was feedback posted for Rile1
 

i think u got this but i was just checkin polls
.........

YO!!!!!!!!!!!vote on this people, this has been open for hecka long for reals, Ill vote honestly back in return

Rrraaaaahhhhhhh!!!!! frikkin vote on this u beaches!!!!

OMFG.....upping this..this battle is so old it actually deserves votes! come on!

Voted For: Rile1

Shodown

Man, I didn't like how you developed the storyline at all. I understand how you were thinking, but it was just predictable as hell. Your rhyme scheme was simple with only one word rhyming (e.g. match/scracth, dick/script). Because of how you went about the topic, there left no room for imagery as you were just talking about yourself and how you write good lyrics and shit. You made an attempt to toss in emotion (mainly anger, I guess), but it didn't come out how it should have. Everything seemed forced, and it all traces back to your lack of a decent storyline.

Rile1

Your storyline was a little shaky throughout the whole topical. I could see where you were going, but at times you were forcing multis which tossed the storyline sometimes. Your rhyme scheme was pretty decent.. I like the multiple rhyming at the end of lines (e.g. Monday/some day, near deadly/fear heavy), and even though the multis got kind of annoying, they were consistent, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. You had slight imagery.. not that much.. but a decent amount of emotion to go with it.

Overall

Shodown came with a predictable and overall, bad storyline.. as well as a rhyme scheme that was too simple, along with no imagery and miniscule amounts of emotion. Rile1, on the other hand, had a decent storyline.. pretty good rhyme scheme, some imagery, and a pretty good amount of emotion. Overall, Rile1 just had the better overall verse, and that's why he gets my vote.

Vote - Rile1

^^ yay for Mimesis!!!!! lol now more votes please!!??

Yo, can you please hit up my battle in exchange for voting on this?

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=213318

Thanks.

Voted For: Rile1

hmmm well Rile1's ending was just flat out forced but so was Showdown's... so I had to look deeper into each verse... and although Showdown's flows real well... his verse is just self praise... it was almost as if he suddenly remembered this was a topical battle when he was almost done writing his verse... Rile laid down alotta ground work than just rushed his ending... Probably because he was nearing the line limit... but he still covered the topic best... and in a topical that counts more than anything else...

Vote: Rile1