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Masked Disguise
all well explained feedback will be returned masked in disguised.. witnessed this fellows lies late at night she sits and cries.. wishes for her demise cant act in this state of depression as difficult as it is to see this fellow drowns her out with his constant negativity each day she lives.. theres one scar on her wrist each dream she has.. shes dreaming of absolute bliss although it is impossible his abusive self is unstoppable she wont live in harmony this living style is intolerable what must i do to conclude this maddness to stop her everlasting excruciating sadness to stop and think that this fellow is still alive for how many women has he been able to deprive how can she survive the circumstances she was given she rejects sexual acts and his temper becomes high risen his grip on her throat becomes unbearable to withstand her life just gives out as shes overpowered by a hand... its so simple to solve.. how was i not able to see inside this beast is a man.. and that man is me http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=202323 link |
uppin for feed please.....best i have ever written no doubt so all feed back will be apreciated and i will RETURN THE FAVOR
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very emotional.. sort of dark feel to it..
gives me the image of a rainy day.. the flow was on point.. topic made for a good read.. i was really feelin the ending.. it was kinda scary to read that it was you.. im assuming that was not true lol.. i got no real complaints on this one Taz.. overall rating for this open mic............... ahhh.. uummm.. its tough to sayy... im thinkin 8ish but im leanin towards 9 lets give it a 8-9 out of 10.. keep at it |
much appreciated man....i will rtf
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that was a good om...prolly da best i've read from u so far....very emotional...lol....it was easy to read....ending was good...wasnt expecting it ...good shit....keep ritin...u keep gettin better and better
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much appreciated man..thanks^^^...........still lookin for more people
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This was a good om....i was feelin the twist it had......u had good structure an vocab Flowed Perfect...... this was one the best i seen lately.....i give it a 8.5/10.....keep it up famz....
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thanks man appreciate it......keep it comen please
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uppin.....dont sleep on me fam...
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this was good, very emotional, imagery was good, flow was pretty good, liked the twist at the end, keep it up man
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thanks man appreciate it^^^ still lookin for more,,,,bumpity bump
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Dont be sleepin on my Rv Can i get some feedback please
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Uppin...leave some feedback yo stop sleepin
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Very good imagery and "storytelling". I enjoyed this piece and the impact it had, the realization that the person had of themselves was off the chain. Keep it up, great work..9.9 outta 10.
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Damn Got Fifteen Responses And Want More Now That's Just Straight Up Greedy Home Anyway It Was A Nice Post
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thanks for the feed people u may now sleep......unless ur nice then post like crazy
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Dope shyt..
You used nyce vocab, and the piece flowed well. I liked the concept.. If anything, I think this line coulda been worded better: to stop her everlasting excruciating sadness I kinda foresaw the end comin out to be like that but still dope.. 8/10, stay up. |
THANKS MAN appreciate it^^^still uppin fa sho
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damn playa it was real good great keystyle...alot of emotion, creativity, strucutre on point, vocab on point, & evathang in between keep writing i like it
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haha thanks man much appreciated dudde^^ still uppin for more feed
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really short i was feelin it just if it was longer it woulda been more enjoyable, your flow was good, stucture was good, imagery was nice a lil bit random but mostly mine is random. theres nothin bad about that either, vocabulary was alright coulda been a lil bit more upped but overall i was feelin this. good job
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^^Thanks man really appreciate all the feeback......still uppin of course
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Yo man this was off da chain in the emotional part man......so emotional had me thinkin u was gothic lol....anyways flow and vocab was on point man......Keep it commin....and keep elevatin....This had me imagine shit so keep doin ya thang and dont let no haters w/e haters that hatin get to ya
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^^im feelin that fo real man feelin the love................still uppin and yo yung dolla get at me for a collab kid.......we gots to do one.....uppin
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sick piece............
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