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metafo' vs mizz fyre
Battle Rules:
topic- abandoned 16 - 30 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 08-26-05 at 01:19 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. Expired battle close - win |
mizz fyre has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-24-05 07:11 AM.
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MeTaFo' has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-24-05 07:45 AM.
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Dear son
I’m sorry I left you at this vulnerable time, always knew I just wouldn’t cope The doctors telling me, that you’d never regain your senses, there’s no hope I couldn’t handle seeing my little boy going through his life so tormented You had such an imagination, no limit to the stories that you invented Your eyes used to sparkle but after the accident you lost your personality Losing my mentality, you were to young to become the victim of a fatality I know you want me to come back, but I can’t, the real me, I’m seeking Hope they can get in touch with me, when you finally start speaking Dear mother I said my first words since the accident, with all my thoughts compiled I smiled, looked them in the eye and uttered “I’m such a lonely child” My mother abandoned me and left me to deal with life’s hard trial In disbelief when I was born, but tell me ma’, are you still in denial? How can you justify leaving me, when it was only you that I needed Sneaking out in the night, no second thoughts, you just proceeded What was it ma’? did I ruin your reputation being so far from the “norm” How can it be that selfishness is the only emotion you’re able to perform Dear son I got your letter, you sound bitter, but you know I don’t deserve the blame Such a shame, that after the accident I had no control over what became I had to leave, gather my thoughts, give you some space and make a break To be honest son, the truth is, giving birth to you was a terrible mistake I’m glad your finally talking again son, its good that we keep in touch Hope you can get on with your life now and don’t think of me too much Dear mother A MISTAKE!!!, you said you wanted me to be a part of your world Is that why, you don’t care about me, into my own life I was hurled I dreamt about you last night ma’, I kept seeing us in different places Now today there’s so many holes in my heart, I can’t fill the spaces I’ve realised what I need to do, I hear the skies, me their calling Goodbye ma’, I think its kicking in now, I feel like I’m falling Dear son I haven’t heard from you in a while, your last letter, I can’t recall Tell me son, is it that you’ve taken your life, did you really end it all……… |
The 3 steps to abondment...Take a stroll with me yo :cool:
....''I thought you had my back?''.... Its a calm night, Little did i know i was getting into a fight There was my crew, and about 16 enemies lookin on in fright they pulled out knives i really couldnt believe my eyes I guess thats when my boys ran 'cause they realized my foes planned a suprize attack, I was flat out on my back Next thing i knew i woke in a hospital bed with limbs not in tact Its a fact, I was abondoned an not even one visit after i took the beatin Then they had the nerve too actually send me a get well greetin! So i replied, anger in my eyes...They knew deep down they did wrong But Then again it turns out...My friends set me up all along! ....''A Lost Soul''.... February 1st, 1989...They cut the cord and it was time.... For me too shine, or so I was led too believe.... But it was just the beginning of a mother abondening her seed Usually people switch babies at birth, but i was born with a curse The woman who put me on this earth, is nowhere to be found Wrapped in a blanket...she didnt care where she layed me down as lons as she was rid of a helpless child that she left out in the wild I just prey to god she isnt out there now with a smile I hope she regrets what she did, and crys herself to sleep 'Cause death is what she deserves for bein so weak! ....''Love Is__''.... I was taught.....Love is suppose to be a good feeling... suppose to wake you up in the morning and reach for the ceiling Keeps you alive, keeps you tickin' thru these hard times... Then i lost my first battle....and So I abondend my rhymes Thought the ink had ran dry, And my brain seemed to be tired Then too top it all...My boss called me an said i was Fired Life was at an all time low, I never thought i'd keep my head up No more sketchin with a pencil, I retired and hung the Led up I was told i could make it, I was given nothin but propps... Its funny how failure on one minor occassion can make love stop. |
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^^^nice verse......uppin ya'll....................
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This was feedback posted for mizz fyre
Checking This Out Being Mizz Is In The Council As Well Good Shit Girl.
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Who's Torch?.....
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^^^lol i have no clue.....but thanx for the feed.......uppin ya'll
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uppppppppppppppppppppinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.......... ......
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This was feedback posted for mizz fyre
pollssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssss....
nice drops to both... |
This was feedback posted for mizz fyre
both were mad good......very close at that........
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lol...........someone vote please.................
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wow.....................uppin this....................
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Voted For: mizz fyre
Metafo'-hmm...decent peice here.Saw the whole 3 different stories thing you did too.The best one was the 3rd one...cuz it was something we could relate to more.Best thing you had in ur verse was the transition.Line after line seemed to come after one another smoothly.Nothing really creative here.I thought the discription and all..was a bit..basic.Like...the stories I think needed some sort of twist or someting.Cuz it seemed to be missing something tho..as storylines go. Mizz Frye-Lmao..stan-like verse here.I like the concept tho..about mother and son thingy.But really..the song stan made the whole letter/death at end thing a lil bland.Had some stretched lines in there too.But i liked the way you described ur lines and put it together.Seemed more complex and elaborate.Just work on flow and shit. Close topical battle here...but.. Vote-Mizz Frye RTF BELOW......(it's topical as well :thumbup:) http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=206909 |
^^^thanx.......finally gettin some votes in here lol......uppin
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upppin this.......................................
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upppin this.......................................
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Voted For: mizz fyre
Close battle Metafo'-You came pretty good structure was aight could have been better i didnt really see any vocab here though witch is not nessacary but it helps im not seein the imaginary though tha verse looked like a whole bunch of rhymin words just thrown into a structured format gotta make that shit mean suttin dawg know what im sayin tha set up of your verse was good though decent drop..pz Mizz fyre-Structure on this is better than ive seen in your previous topicals so good job had some vocab witch is good had a good story not tha greatest imaginary but it got tha job done always room for improvement feel me...you kept me intrested in tha story though so thats why i gotta give this to you good job to both though pz... Vote/Mizz Fyre |
^^^thanx....uppin.................................
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still uppin this.....................................
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This was feedback posted for mizz fyre
:hump: .
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08-23-05,
^battle was opened on that date...just PM strobe 'n tell him how long this shit been open...and he'll give you an expired battle win. |
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