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Faint Reflection.
Faint Reflection. A bird in the distance awakes me through its ruffle in the trees I turn my face to a degree, now looking at the mirror: I can see My glaring eyes, that frowning mouth in such a horrid reflection Look away for my own protection, begin a morning resurrection Blind anger directed at my parents for this retched appearance Crave to stay away: want to run, vanish with pure perseverance Rapidly running with my heart's content, down wide open street Till I learn how to compete and set upon a safe place of retreat As the tale gets deeper…… I'm subtly walking through this meadow of scented flowers Delicate grass untouched by man taking away my powers Dreamy gaze at the sky’s wool balls...a glimmer of motion Intent of seeing but I see nothing, no more vivid commotion A blur figure of what I guess to be a lake in the perspective Cautiously tip-toeing close but remaining so self-protective Pure and blue calm water gently splashed against the bay As I stood there for few minutes in a state of total disarray But as the story gets darker…… Staring at the water's edge as this shadow appeared These things I longed to witness, I now greatly feared But as I stood watching my hand reaches into touch Clutch of my wrist....this feeling of sadness but such A pain had driven inside of my mind, so damn unruly Shadow of that Devil had suddenly touched me, truly Walked underneath Death’s big umbrella, not as dim Touched by Sir Grim, unaware how?! But love nor sin My family left behind, no chance to stay alive, no comeback or resurrection All I ever wanted was perfection, but I look at the water at my fading reflection. i will leave the links in a minute |
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this was some cold shit man WERD nice flow to it and vocab was ill man!!!!!
nice drop man keep em comin man WERD!!!! |
thanx dawg bump bump
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like he said really deep emotional peice here, you are definitely ruling the OM forums witth these type of peices, im really feelin this one, keep it up
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thanx loads
uppin! |
deep shit..nice flow,nice structure........
alot of motions..and nice vocab........ not any bad things...........almoust perfect... i liked that 1st piece was best 1 |
Nice piece right here...
Good concept, I wonder who gave you that topic? :thumbup: Didn't expect you would've worked it out this nicely though. I'm proud of you! The emotion was definitely there, you expressed the thoughts running through the person's mind very clearly yet the poetic vibe remained in a way. The imagery was excellent as well, you used vivid pictures to add to the overall depth of the piece. The vocabulary was on point as well, there was the right amount of complexity though it remained understandable. Story developed nicely towards the good twist at the ending. Keep it up! :thumbup: |
This will get nominatted cause its a preety emotional piece,with alot of creativity and thought out lyrics.the structure was perfect and the Vocab was on Point.It was a strange Concept but you made it work.
Good Job MK keep this type Of OM's coming Props Fams |
u really improving yo erm deep topic you made it sound easy good use of vocab great emotion you know ur dusty mic sittin in the corner you should get it out for this this will be hot on audio
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Damn, this right here will get nominated...simply because it is awesome.The vocab in your om was extrememly enhanced that went a long with your flow..Great structure which also helped the flow....ur multis were iffy but who cares about those u took it over with your astonishing imagery and ur breath taking emotion....overall id say that you have got a 9.9/10 keep em coming and holla at me for a collab.....peace 1
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wow fuck me thanx for the great feed back
uppin!!!! |
this was a good drop mad one ur best u have improved in om.....i have to say....this had good vocb an structure an flowed well u have a good imagination keep up the good werk an keep writin.....8.5/10.....1 famz
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This shit was maaaddd deep...
Concept was nice and original...Imagery was AMAZING man. Real props on that. At first I was skeptical about that small text and shit, but this was really worth the read. Dreamy gaze at the sky’s wool balls...a glimmer of motion Intent of seeing but I see nothing, no more vivid commotion ^^ I loved that line Staring at the water's edge as this shadow appeared These things I longed to witness, I now greatly feared ^^ That one too. Overall, I think this could be HOF material man. Really nice work. |
Thanx for this........alot of peeps nominating this for the HOF which im very greatful about:D
uppin.... |
Structure... dope
concept..... ill outcome.... delicious vocabulary. yummy imagery..... paradise all............ delicious |
hot shit homeboy....structure was nice and I
was feeling the concept,flow was good and imagery was also...keep it up...give it a 8.5/10.... |
nice shit, flow was good throughout.....a decent idea for an open mic and good delivery, you had some vocabs in there, but cud be more consistent and overall it had nice imagery to it so thats always good, overall i give it 7.5/10
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^^^^good delivery????? its text dude not audio lol anyways nice peice man.. deep and imagery was was pretty nice aswell... respect man
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Thanx for the feed, bump!
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- soulclamps Mad Knight. -
Crazy Boy Bluuueesss... |
ohhhhhhhhhhhh the crazy boy BLUESSSSSSSSS
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Very Nice Piece Man.
Lots Of Emotion And Imagery ... Glad To See Alot Of The Things I Tried To Teach You You Hung Onto. You're Even Starting To Get That Poetic Way About Your Writing, Wich Is Very Nice ... Seperates You From Most Of Rv. The Flow, Actually Pretty Good ... See You Finally Chopped Up Your Lines A Bit, Wich Really Is Helping Your Flow Out Alot. Uuuum Ya, Everything Is Elevating Very Nicely, Just Work On Creativity With Your Concept Alittle More ... You're Still Thinking "In The Box". Gotta Think The Way I Was Trying To Explain, Cuz Those Elaborate Storylines And Concepts Coupled With What You Have ... Is The Shit That REALLY Will Wow People, On Other Sites To Rather Than Just Rv. Nice Shit, Stay Up And Keep Practising. |
This was a deep piece man,the structure was perfect...very easy to follow...
First things,the emotion was amazing...always the most important thing in a topical piece to me and you hit it spot on...made me want to keep reading... The creativity was good also...you worked the out the topic well...great imagery...you made a good lil story out of it...i was deffinetely feeling this.. Also your vocab was on point in most places...i always love good vocab...and you used it well... Overall dope piece...u a good topical head..keep em coming..and get at me for a collab. wun |
this was prolly the best i've seen from you.....you had a nice imagery, nice concept.....flow was on point....nice emotion.....i think you really came good with this piece....keep droppin........
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Lets start with the postives:
You had a solid structure, emotion seemed present. You used enough descriptive language to keep the read enjoyable, and everything pictured in the mind as you read along with it. Some critism... The style you used, that a ton of other heads on use on this site for some reason would be the anonouncing of a change in the piece. "The tale gets deeper" or something along that. You know, the subtitles you people put in. If your using your language properly, and involving good imagery, people should be able to realize that something has happened, and not have a preminition of whats going to come. Quote:
That line could've used some rewording, because it seemed that you had to stick 'truly' on the end of it, because you didn't think the line out to it's full extent, and had to somehow make it rhyme. You flowed alright, but for this piece it would've been nicer to see some multis, because that would've made this piece that pretty dope. Props, keep dropping. |
shits deep......nice vocab....structure was nice.....lots of emotion...imagery was sick.....i liked this peice alot.... this is tha first om i've read from u.....ill be readin more of em if u keep ritin like this ......i'd have to giv it a 9/10.....keep it commin.......
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i dunno if this shoulda bin OM of da month, you dont phrase ya sentences very well, and ya force rhymes all ova da place....didn't flow at all....blahh,
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uppin.....too show my old topical side!
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thats wassup,you must be a true poet,this was good i like it
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i agree good shit dogg i like da rhyme scheme n how u told a story n stuck wit it keep doin ya thang homie peep my newest drop 1
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thanks i guess!
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fucking utterly whack.
wow i can't believe this got the reviews it did.. jp. i already left feed. How you doing madknight? long time no talk. |
im sweet! hows you?!
whats ya aim foo!? |
a oldie but a goodie.
Decent peice, didnt know you had the talent to write topical shit after hearing your new found Southern crunk style music ;) get at me cuz |
well thanks :o lol
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