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Barr vs Mystic Chaos
Battle Rules:
30-40 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling(unless from no show battle) No Biting Barr and I will return the favor on all honest votes 3-0 tko 4-1 tko Topic:Skeptical Thoughts Minimum posts to vote: 300 Check in by: 09-10-05 at 12:01 AM Must drop verse in 2280 minutes after check in. |
Mystic Chaos has ACCEPTED this battle on 09-09-05 11:32 PM.
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Barr has ACCEPTED this battle on 09-09-05 11:33 PM.
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as a subtle tear of pain and anger,flows like a river down my cheek No words to talk or speak as I fall to the floor due to body being weak The masked voice caller carries on talking of my own life’s leaving In my desperate time of need I have to stand and comfort as I’m grieving As I crawl into a ball but still hearing on the phone,his heavy breathing He tries to talk sweet and nice,getting a proposal made,trying to be deceiving As I mutter simple words down the cell so he knows I haven’t gone Then he quickly says good bye,but I can’t reply due to images I’ve drawn Skeptical thoughts run through my brain of murder and self-destruction But in everybody’s own life stories there’s an ending after the introduction Phone call after phone call he leaves me with only a complexed choice The choices stand strong, no chance of reasoning die in agonyor with out noise Dialing for help is not an option for he was my phone dial on lock Asking me for life or death, my mind wondering having sorts of skeptical thought As simple it may seem life is not an easy option, for he has twists up his sleeve To pick life would mean my mother suffers as hard as it is to believe Thoughts tracing through my mind how one can be cruel and conive How he is able to take ones dignity and at the end its all deprived Haulted in my sentence i was not able to speak fully to this man Talking with great anger his speech is like an illegal contreband Getting down to the final thoughts of this conversation that is being held My answers are put towards him but all my statements have been repelled Anxiety is taking over crazed in a state of mind..answering so he will hear me I tell him IM HAVING SKEPTICAL THOUGHTS this answer is not easy He tells me either answer you pick they both are going to please me Being brave and bold the answer has been reached to an agreement Telling this lunatic it will be me to take death using great vehement Stoping to relive my memories that are so sweat on this earth It all goes back to the day my beloved mother gave me birth *with out thinking further...a shot has gone through the window and hit me...Dies instantly* |
yo, i just did a quick verse, wanted to get it over wit.....so waitin on ur verse.......
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So this is what your lord laid out for you
The gig is up, the evidence’s been proven true And every line you gave, been given against you Got the tapes, and you sang the blues Saw the troubles cause you left the subtle clues But I bet you never knew You were gleaming in your court suit Coulda swore that they were there to support you And now the judge he looks at you Says “can you justify the things you do” But no one back in prep said you ever had to So Oh no, Pity you, you found your Christ and your crisis too But I bet you didn’t know It was never about you It was your old friends and consultants Who lost what you have once found important… Disclosed nature, silent and distorted Retorted with a contorted hatred shortage And it was never about what the Lord did But the journals written in your cold bed You had us all fooled; it was all neatly sorted As your persona shined through, I guess you really ‘souled it’ Remember the day your friendship was bought A cheater was caught I listened to the talks that my tutor had brought As your life unfolded like a Comfort Inn cot The blankets smothered my mind with skeptical thoughts It didn’t take long, to see you weren’t one to like Your poser persona brought day to night The religious type, ha, hardly… you we’re just too nice To have a nice life, AND to live it right. *About a girl who puts on a charade to make everyone feel sorry for her. |
This was feedback posted for Mystic Chaos
pollllllllllllllllllll zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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upp in. upp in..........................................
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Upskis.........
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uppin............................................. ........
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lets get some votes huh???????????????????????///?
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upp....................in......................... ............
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voting sucks........
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uhhhhhhhhhh vote.......
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get some votes??????????????????????please lol....
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Vote you fucking cuntscab whores.
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LOL that was a bit harsh.....but still uppin...yo.
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blah.............................................. .........................................
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uppin bitches........................................... ..........................
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blah....uppin..................................... ...
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meh, uppin for votes.........like you know....................VOTE
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This was feedback posted for Mystic Chaos
you won pollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll ll.....sss
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voter..............................
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lol ye i won.............then vote for me :thumbup:
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zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzz
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ridiculous...........uppin........................ ...
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meh, upppin............................................ ...................
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uppin for atleast 1 vote goddamn........................
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site is fuckin bullshit.............
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Voted For: Mystic Chaos
damn man Mystic came off with a good topical Barr - your verse was too basic. dont like the structure of it at all. made it seem like a poem. it didnt flow very well because a lot of your lines were uneven. no imagery no nothing. you need to keep practicing so you can elevate more. Mystic - good verse. very much flow was good. the ending was much better than Barr's. your vocab wasn't the greatest but it worked because i got what you were trying to say and u didnt fill it with words that most people dont even understand. good job. Mystic wins |
thanx uppin fo votes...................................
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Voted For: Mystic Chaos
blah this is a close one....but you pulled it off okay here is the breakdown barr- you had a good verse.......structure needed some work but i dont find it that nbig a deal in topicals....you had some aiight imagry in there but it coulda been stronger at points to get the ocuring moments across better.....you had very good flow and it was a good read....i like the story you portrayed....but i felt you lacked in emotion and some vocab....excessive vocab isnt needed but you coulda used a lil more......and as far as emotion you coulda made some parts more effective if you had more emotion in them....thats why you didnt get this battle.....topicals are mainly focused on emotion in my thoughts cuz it gives you that extra bit to like/relate to the story more mystic- okay you had pretty decent structure but i said its not a biggie to me in topicals....but yeah your flow was good as well......you had some good imagry in your verse but it lacked in some where it woulda helped.......you had very good vocab......not ttoo much but enough to help in the win.........you also had lots of emotion going around in your verse......which is a big in topicals...as i explained......i noticed a similie or two in there as well...so it added to your story.......at first i was a lil iffy about who would get the win cuz your story is a bit confusing and the ending is kinda odd.....but its effective in a way but i felt the ending coulds been better....it was abrupt and unexpected which is nice....but to me it didnt go too well with your story but ending or not you got the win for havin more aspects of emotion....vocab....and a smiilie in your verse...... you both did a good job......but mystic just pulled ahead with the win mainly cuz of emotion..... best of luck to the both of you :thumbup: |
ohh and advice.....topicals get slept on cuz ppl are lazy and dont read them.....and uhh dont up so much.....up it like 1-2 times a day tops......cuz its useless......just up it every now and then.....but yeh the only thing i hate bout doing topicals is they get slept on...so do yourself a fav and others one too.....go find other battles eithr tct or topical and go vote and tell them to rtf honestly and hope they do....:thumbup:
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lol do that to much...ur right they do get slept on...but thanks fo rthe vote.....
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Voted For: Barr
I'm Gonna Vote Barr On This One... Both Came Pretty Nive With Their Verses ... Pretty Even With Emotion And Imagery. Where Myst Lost It Was With Storyline... Barr's Piece Was Much More Eye Catching To The Reader. Then On A Minor Not Barr Also Had A Cleaner Flow ... Overall I've Gotta Say Barr Took This. |
:( meh, uppin............................................
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up................................................
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