Blurred Vision
 

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2448828

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=207926

Drop some feedback and I WILL return the favor. Peace.

uppin.

stop sleepin

Man, this was fucking incredible. People will rag on you for your rhyme scheme and structure, but i thought it was near flawless. I loved the way it flowed and the story was bold as hell man. I think you'd be a decent song writer if someday you made the transition to rock, you seem to have that kind of writer's edge. The vocab was great, multis were unreal throughout, not soo many that you'd lose your head over it and forget what your reading, but enough to go "ooooh". nice.

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=209299

^ Thanks for the feedback.

uppin the piece.

yea ur rhymes scheme is the only thing anyone can complain about btu his is probably hte best piece ive seen on rv in a long time ur vocab flow imagery i think ur the best toopical writer on the site personalls

Vocab was dope, emotion and creativity in your words was strong, fuck what willa said lol, I didnt find anythin wrong with the rhyme scheme, I thought it was top notch.

Flow was good too, Stayed on point and it was a good all round read, quit your day job an stick to creative writing like this, man....The peice was real sick, keep it up..

8.5/10

ge-od..lmao

nice drop mentalz...
flow was on point through out the whole peice....vocab was healthy...emotion was great....creativity was sick...rhyme scheme is ight...idk wat everyone else is talking about..

Thanks for the feeds, much appreciated. I'll be sure to leave some on all yor drops aswell. Thanks again.

shit waz dope ur "vocab" was aiight

"vocab" explain.

Lemme know what you think, dont make me decipher it. :p

This is pretty fuckin good. Structure is good so i rhume scheme.Damn thats good multies use i read both ur drops in last ten minutes and damn u like drop that shit with multies, vocab is allrite for me. Some crazy shit, good writing.

Thanks man, I left some feed on your link.

yea real good joint here vocab was good, structure was on point, very creative, imagery was there also but 2 b honest wut did u do wit my piece i sent u in ya email ...on here holla at me

Still got it for our for our collab we're doin' silly. :p

Basicly everything i think, The ryme sheme is alright, The pice was nice and the vocabulary was excellent man, I give this a 8.5/10 easily, I love how you put it together too...The structure wasen't my genere but i really can't complain...You can tell you put some effort into this.....Nice Drop :thumbup:

i like this lil om, stucture was real good and as was your flow. the vocabulary was used a lot in this one, emotion coulda been upped though. you coulda brought more creativty, if your gonna use all that vocabulary you might as well put it to work and add some eternal multiples in there. theres no point in all that vocab without multiples ya know. imagery was very good. just a nice lil piece man

1

Paranoid THATS WHAT i'M TALKING ABOUT FYOUR YOU RESPONDED TO THIS POST BUT TO MINE YOU SAID WHACK ASS BULL SHIT THIS IS WHAT I WANT FUCK THAT NOT BEING EQUAL TO EVERYBODY SHIT

^lmao @ OP. Thanks for the feeds guys.

Uppin' one last time. Would appreciate any real feedback I get before this thread rolls off the page from neglect. :) (ALL feeds will be returned in-depth)

move slowly and groove holy got a smooth rolly on my arm with a strong alarm like a Viper on a car while in the cypher far above the rest a thug at best trying to hustle in battle and rusle cattle like them cowboys but somehow toys with minds like Psychologists, so I'm at my house MENTALZ down in South Central trying to carjack a fool with plan corrupt "yo dawg throw you hand up toss them nice keys or or a lost of life frreeze don't move"

Wow, feelin the flow, the multies really make it alot better, the structure was good as was the rhyme scheme but creativity was lacking a bit, vocab was good but maybe a bit overused considering some places didnt really make sense, coulda put more emotion into it woulda made the imagery better but it was still pretty good though

good structure and good vocab that was good dont stop writing

rise ill return feedback for thsi peice too

I liked it man and strong vocab 8/10

really liked this, emotion was excellent, flow and structure were good also, overall this was a good read from top to bottom, keep it up

Your opener is the best part in my personal opinon about your open mic. Solid structure the whole way through, some good internal rhyming with your words. This is a bit of a played topic to write on but you made good use of it. Imagery was good in this but for sure, opener and closers you nailed. Props on this piece.