Paranoid vs Mystic Chaos
 

Battle Rules:

15-30 lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting
Living Legends Vs. The Legacy

Topic: Life After Death

G'luck dawg

Minimum posts to vote: 20

Check in by: 10-19-05 at 06:52 PM

Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in.

Paranoid has ACCEPTED this battle on 10-16-05 10:59 PM.

Mystic Chaos has ACCEPTED this battle on 10-19-05 06:55 AM.

uppin for votes ya'll........hott battle right here...

not bad man, but I don't know bout you winnin.

uppin for votes.

^^?? lol ......uppin....................................... ........

This was feedback posted for Paranoid
 

Checcing Polls for famo................................

This was feedback posted for Mystic Chaos
 

polls.............................................

uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppinnnn

uppin fa votes people....................................

Voted For: Paranoid



Basically I felt your verse was moe on point than MC's. It wasnt as complex, however it was very descriptive. The flow maintained throughout the piece.

I enjoyed the hook, however perhaps next time you shorten your verse and add another verse after the second hook? It would come across more finished.. whole.

[quote]Silently brushing through the ruggid brustles of tree's
Hunting for an offspring, something to satisfy my needs
Gazing from sunlight, to shrubs tree's and brown leaves
No edible factors in sight, growling despite no food for me
Roaring at the site of an infant, a baby zebra stands still
Grasping with my teeth, as I eat my hunger is now filled
Deserts distilled, twitching at the sound of blank atmosphere
Used to load animals, currently quiet as theres no action here
Site seeing for a pocher as I sense fear tearing through my body
And then im off with the wind death is calling, but it's not me

Spotting a pocher near by as I start to get mysterious visions
Of discolored pochers screaming nonsense and giving incisions
Fluently running as pocher seems to gain pace with his fire arm
Seeming to forget him, as I look back when I had 2 entire arms
Inquired from previous actions in a life, look foward as I run for my life
Feeling contrite, for those ive made deceased although I have survived
Shouting at me he is, running on all four's but still yet to get far away
Commotion from is mouth, yet not able to understand a word he is to say
Fatique starts to set in as my body grows weak and tired from running
No longer the predator im the prey of this evil pochers hunting

Continuiously remembering a kind of past life or past history
Still running from this pocher is this real life...what a mystery
Is this life after death? the memories see so clear to me
Vaguily in and out yet no full picture can appear to me
Within an instance im rembering my life as if its happening
Arguements apon a street way ended oh UNhappily
The pocher was sent to say I have not survived
How my life ended horridly for my life was shortlived
Knowing this is not me, it's unreal its just not the same
Just a vivid imagery of a "fuck you" and a *BANG*[/qoute]

MC, I liked your piece, it had more multies and consistant imagery, however I felt P's verse hit the topic harder.

Not saying your was lacking, it just didnt tap my cortex as hard, ya know? ;)

Anyways, all in all I feel you could have elevated more on this topic by staying on-topic more, don't take this the wrong way. I know I get ansy and people piss me off by feedback in battles when I feel I achieved what they found lacking.

Good luck you two! ;)

God not being able to edit a simple mistake like spelling is aggrevating...

This was feedback posted for Paranoid
 

How you doing para?...Still dropping Topical sickness I see. Wordoms...Just checking this out...ditto and stuff.

^why don't you ever vote lola:(

lol!

anyway I'm doin good and I don't think I'm that sick at topicals anymore if I tried maybe I could be but this piece I key'd to fast.

anyway thanks for the vote

uppin for more.

uppin............................................. ..

Voted For: Paranoid

Mystic- Your verse had a nice storyline. the flow got rough at parts, and your multis were rather weak. you had ight voca. decent drop.

Paranoid- good verse, you had nice vocab. with deep imagery, i liked your vocab. and your multis were better than mystic.

V/ paranoid, props to both.

Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation.

Voted For: Mystic Chaos

Iight this was a good battle to me....I liked both a lot...Mystic,Tha onlii thing i really didnt like was that very last line but nothin major...It seemed like Paranoid had a nice vocab in tha first 4 lines and tha last 4 linez but in tha whole verse itself i would give you a 5/10...I would give Mystic an 8/10 b/c it felt like his was a lil more detailed and his vocab was pretty much equal through tha whole verse...But nice job to both,keep doin what you do...no hate to either.all love...HOLLA!!!

Voted For: Mystic Chaos

MC
Your Drop Was Very Staright To The Climax I must Say and Very Direct But Yet You Supplied Some nice Imagery And That Was Nice ....You Came Quite Original As Far As Your Storyline goes and You Stayed On Topic All the Way Through You Held A Solid Vocab So Id Give You a 7.5/10 Very nice piece Man.

Paranoid
Your piece was very deep but You Came Quit Simplistic But Your Imagery was Alright But Like I said i think That You Came a little simple its like the effort was lost in your piece but it was nice this was a close battle I Can say that but I dont think That You came out on top of this battle considering the fact that your drop looked a little on the rushed/ lazy side of things *no hate* im just votin

Please RTF In One of the battle links in my sig in 24 hrs or less or this vote will be removed

Voted For: Mystic Chaos

para-your verse was short but sweet, you had nice vocab and flow...i like how you used a hook for your verse pretty dope...but i think you lacked a good idea...for it...i kinda expected this to happen on the real....up on emotion and imagery man ......6.5/10

mystic-your verse was sectioned good...i like your vocabulary and storyline...i didnt expect this and you kept me reading and the suspense was good...you had excellen imagery and good emotion...i think you got this through out a powerfull finish...7.5/10

v/mystic chaos

rtf in sig

the people who voted for ystic obviously don't know what a topical is...ok uppin

Voted For: Paranoid

Para... Your imagery ad emotion was really good... And let me say right now if there is any spelling errors in this vote its cause my N and B buttons dont work well... Emotion was strong for the most part... you stayed on topic and i liked the approach you took with this... Imagery was smoth and deep... liked it alot...

9/10

Mistic Chaos... first off didt like the centering you did with your verse... the imagery was decint you stuck to the topic pretty well ad i enjoyed the approach you took to the subject... emotion could have been better along with the vocab... upp that and you will be better

8/10

V/ Para

Voted For: Mystic Chaos

this was a good battle for real. but i feel that mystic came with a more creative concept even though while saying that i feel he coulda emphasised more on the emotions instead of talking about the poachers, making it obvious that you were an animal; if you had left that out then it would have been a clever twist to be revealed while readeing this if you get what i mean.

admittedly i was feeling the flow in paranoid's piece a bit more however i found mystic's verse more captivating while reading it, which is what i felt won it for him, cos i was reading paranoid's verse but i couldn't get into it too tough cos i've seen that topic approached from that angle so many times.

don't get me wrong though if paranoid had came with the same concept as mystic, using the style he used in his verse, he could quite possibly have even won but he didn't so i ended up feeling mystic more due to his concept.

vs// Mystic

~peace~


Crew vote removed

Voted For: Mystic Chaos

mystic chaos-your verse was very intellectual, you had good vocab and good imagery, with ya imagery i could picture it and it was suspensefull throughout ur verse...your emotion was felt a lot....i like how you had a creative verse that wasnt really expected...your last 2 lines were kinda weak..but other thanthat......8.5/10

paranoid-your verse had the potential to be dope...you had a good hook going for you....i just dont think you went into depth with your verse as you should have...you had good vocab...and seemed like you had intentions to do good. overall 7/10

v/mystic chaos.

This was feedback posted for Mystic Chaos
 

polls....................................

dope.

This was feedback posted for Mystic Chaos
 

pollz .................................................. ....................

upppin............................................ ...for votes

Voted For: Paranoid

alright this is how it goes

Structure

i give structure to Paranoid. im feeling the structure on this,. especially how you had the italics in the beginning then it switched as the topical began. Mystic you also had a good structure. but it was much longer. and stretched. Paranoid was much easier to read. therefore i give paranoid structure

flow

again Paranoid gets flow. his shit was quick and easy to follow. The multi's werent good by neither. ya'll need to improve on that. mystic had ok flow. but it was long as hell. you couldn't rap that on a beat. so flow goes to paranoid

imaginary
goes to mystic hands down. paranoid had ok imaginary. but i could accually feel like i was there with mystics drop. it was harmonizing and interesting to read. paranoids was more basic and straight to the point. This was close. but mystic takes this

Vocab

vocab goes to mystic. he had much better word usage. and it sounded alot more matured and better then paranoids. paranoids shit was good but it was all basic wording. so mystic gets vocab

overall its a split decision. but just because of the structure and the storyline imma give it to paranoid..close battle

Voted For: Mystic Chaos

wow.... neither of u came like expected........ both had okay pieces, from different perspectives of the topic.........voc. was on point for both, no real emotion from either of u........ basically for me, it came down to originality........ i'd have to give it to MC for the nice story.......

MC- overall 8.5/10
Paranoid- overall 8/10
vote went to MC bcuz of his story, and his rhyme scheme didn't seem as forced..........

Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation.

hmmm well that is an unexplained vote...so upppppppin

Voted For: Mystic Chaos

I Wasnt Feeling Para's Piece At All.
To Me It Was To Narrative Rather Then An Engadging Story.

Instead Of Tell Through His Point Of View And Putting Us There,
It Was Just Kinda More Past Tense To Be Which Really Just Didnt Apeal To Me At All.

I Think The Way It Was Written Killed The Imagery Alot.
Because You're Talking About A Stale Image,
It's Been Done, Past Tense So It's Old.
When You're Writting Something As It Happening Its Muuuuch More Effective.

For Me The Only Thing Para Had Over Myst Was Flow And Structure,
Which Really Holds No Weight In My Mind.

Myst...

Nice Piece Overall,
It Was A Much More Invovled And Creative Story.
Very Original Use Of The Storyline,
One Of Those That Makes No Sense Till The End
... Where You Just Rapped It Up Beautifully.

Only Thing I Think You Could Work On Like I Said,
Structure And Flow Cuz Para's Was Better.

Soooo Overall,
Final Vote Goes To: Mystic Choas

Uuuum Ya, Hopefully This Is Enough Of A Breakdown
... Get At Me If You Need Alittle More.