Dead Weight (WILL RTF)
 

If you clicked the link u may as well leave feed now that ur here!!!!



She was dead late.
His body already hung like a dead weight
Brutally strung up by the misguided hands of fate.
No longer could he endure lurking in contemplation,
He did it. How? 'Without hesitation.' Her explanation.
Long did despair overshadow the lights in his life,
His home, his daughter, his future wife.
He couldn't see it.
His eyes were clouded with tears of doubt,
No-one could have known,
unless one is on the inside looking out.
Adrenaline must have lined his veins,his brains not making sense.
Some will think:
leaving this concrete casket, his final show of strength.
He is not the first, he will surely not be the last.
More will die by their own hands, to escape-
the present, the future or the past.
It is always sad. The question hangs-why?
The only one who could answer hangs-
in his attempt to reach the sky.
He didnt realise the anguish he would create
prayers to him ask 'why, Hugh?' He wanted peace and quiet.
How long must the dead wait?

will return with links

1 link ...........................

u leave feed, i leave feed...........:D

UPPIN.......ffs ur all sum sleepy ppl tonite!

uppin again....

bolded = my favorite line....... wow a lot of emotion in this piece........ once again a piece where the best vocab isn't always the most complicated, u did a good job with that....... seemed like a real story, who was Hugh?........ overall great piece (again)....... 9/10.......not really sure what the concrete casket was, but i could still understand the rest of the metas....... keep writing.......

Hugh was a friend who commited suicide on wednesday nite. i didnt wanna write the whole 'it was so sad' typical poem, so i tried to see wat he was feelin. the concrete casket is this city cuz theres nuthin here for us.

you i liked it nice word play and structure.................6/10.............nice drop

thanx.....any1 else?

uppity.....up....

Excellent poem right here, very emotional concept first of all.

You worked it out nicely, inserted a lot of truly poetic techniques in it. I love how you pose those rhetoric questions as "why" and such. Because there is no answer to them yet it's the human thing to do, to ask them. I can't really pick favorite lines because every line added to the overall beauty of this piece. Emotional vibe, making the readers involved in the story. Good use of images, good use of vocabulary as well.

Nice shit

thanks very much, and i'll look out 4 moe of ur poems to RTF on

67.............

this was pretty decent.sylabell count is reckless in some areas and pretty hard to follow but in freeverse form it holds toghther well.your imagery is basically o.k it cound be much better if you used more profound words and metaphores within your already made picture.your vocab needs to be upgraded instead of saying late and create or sky and why try using more complex vocab it pulls the reader in more and makes your imagery shine better.i think this was still all in all a decent attempt here 6/10.
please return honest feed on my poem ill post in a few minutes.

LOVED IT , great job........rhymed verry well
amazin' that what i like.....
read mine GK