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Ysdat vs Dopium
Battle Rules: Topical Battle
15 -30 No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting The demise of Santa clause Pinkslip Minimum posts to vote: 150 Check in by: 12-10-05 at 11:03 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
Dopium has ACCEPTED this battle on 12-07-05 11:08 PM.
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It's my eighth year of christmas and no point to it if santa doesn't exist.
My heart felt a sudden weakness and started to decay in painful sequence. Its like my presents can no longer stimulate my heart race. All this stress at a young age can devastate a man in a obsticle of dismay. But all this confusion gots me thinkin that my own parents could be illusions. Its such a harsh world when you find out that it's santa's conclusion. As I open my gifts I examine the wrap paper in question and theres no explanation. No one may never know santa's interval and/or his real discriptions. How did someone come up with this design to fascinate curious children with lies. Or Are parent's lieing and Santa used to be Real and he just died. I left cookies out for you to eat and a note out for you to read. Before I found this out when I woke up I rushed to the tree to sneak a peak. I wonder If every kid would do the same thing I am without your presence. Every christmas eve I would dream about how the north pole was heaven. But Oh well I'll still be here without you so pure and alive. To tell your story to millions of children world wide named "Santa's Demise" |
Ysdat has ACCEPTED this battle on 12-10-05 03:01 PM.
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As the clouds block out the dreary yellow flickering moonlight of hope vastly feel like im being watched by evil, the has rooms eye's of pope I was told he knew everything about me including what mistake's made with his visible for the troubles I get into,all my personal gifts will fade My excitment for the morning after makes me unsure of my position Drifting in and out of sleep Im seeing double like noah's missions My mind finnaly relaxed painfully finds chemical balance ..sleep is pure. *falls asleep* *sudden awakening* YAY!! The morning of the year, Im yawning but dont care, the presents are here!!! vacating my room, rapid run like satan will loom, I reach the top of the stair I stop and just stare,the tree is empty like a poor mothers shopping carts what the fuck? I scream as my heart triple beats struggles,stops then starts my eyes turn wet like pussy in a whore house, Im confused yet fuming Why me? I ask to the sky, everytime I broke the law,was the cunt looming? like a subliminal replacment for god without the choice of a subtle repent fuck it all!!!! Im not a bad kid, just made certain mixed mistakes thru my life aranging my thoughts rapidly,accumulate the only option.. I wait with this knife!! *a year passes* As night falls, my life calls I must stall just to position myself better I have time to kill, so I pray to god with my frozen hearts letter... "Dear god, unsure if im right or wrong for persuing santas death but last year I received nothing like airless lungs breath You know I made many mistakes,but i learnt from what was wrong I used to have a heart, but after last year my love has gone" I hear the door open, my heart rate speeds up at a rapid pace insain launch foward to the dark mysterious figure and attack at the face 14 stabs to his chest, throwing iron fist punches, I hear a cry out for help I step back to catch my breath, when my heart beats in doubt blissfullyflick the light on to see th result, my heart is frozen in time santa claus is laying there dead but why does she look like a mother of mine? |
glad to see you dropped wack. hope you enjoy being banned from the site.
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^ fuck you ysdat you took all the time in the world when it took me a day. Oh and lets get this uppin ight ppl Honest votes.
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This was feedback posted for Dopium
Pollz............................................. ....
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kid, i keyd mine. ask any topical head on this site and they know this isnt even my usual level of writing. Your worthless. Why should I get excited about a net battle vs the wackest on the site ?
You wanted the long drop times, I used it. No my fault your brain failed to function. |
This was feedback posted for Ysdat
grimey !!!
ysdat with a nice twist............. |
peep the boobs :)
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^at least my tits bounce :) should of voted bro .
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will do under my NT account
werd to the bouncing, visit the site strobe left for her christinamodel...wow |
werd just checked it.
upping for votes . |
Voted For: Ysdat
Dopium well first of all, your not good at topicals at all. you have no sense of emotion or flow to write such a image. you are prob better at disses and shit but like man your grammar and spelling is so horrible. and thats a bad thing because I didn't understand any of it really. the flow and imagery were not connecting at all. you need to get creative and use metas a bit and slip words more. Ysdat not bad man, the flow and imagery is very creative and the storyline was kept strong throughout the whole writtin. the grammar and spelling is way better then his and you even wrote more then he did. with a lil hook type thing in there as well. so overall Ima give it to you for straight up showin up with a poetical skill at least. 1 |
Voted For: Ysdat
Ok, Both of these seemed fairly rushed, neither very good. Ysdat had a better concept, more imagery and a nice twist in the end. I didnt care for the bad grammar, no spelling. Lack of punctuation that made it come across, rushed. Good flow, loved the twist at the end. Nice show of emotion. Dopium's structure was fucked, but that doesnt really matter. you had nice flow, lacked the imagery ysdat's piece held. Your concept wasnt as imaginitive as his was, and in my book that wins topicals. Nice use of vocab, a few parts you fell off. |
^Yea that is true I've never done a topical before. But im 10x better at a real battle but to bad ima be banned so that way I can't prove myself so Ight Everyone Stay up And Go Fuck yourselfs. :)
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Thanks metals, your right. I rushed the entire peice. wasnt really worth my effort.
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This was feedback posted for Ysdat
haha easy :)
got this no doubt....keep herb killin fam |
Voted For: Ysdat
i vote ysdat even though he took me off the wall of fame...his verse was clearly better...you used the word loom a couple to many times..reminds me of fruit of the loom underwear...and you forced some multis..but a good story...and good twist..i didn't see it coming |
didnt even relise I did. Ill add you back.
up . |
This was feedback posted for Ysdat
Checking.......................................... .
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This was feedback posted for Ysdat
checkin the polls...stupid 50 characters...for goddamn feedback
TC NIKKAH WHAT??!! |
Voted For: Ysdat
Ysdat good peice.I esspecially liked the multis in there,that's what I liked most.The idea was good,description and everything ,w/e..was ite.. My only advice would be to cut back on vocab,it makes ya shit sound awkward..Like,for instance vacating my room, rapid run like satan will loom, I reach the top of the stair ^I understand the satin will loom,vacating my room internal..but c'mon.Rapid run?That part sounded bad.Pissed me off to be honest! :mad:..LoL. Dopium Unlike Ysdat,you didn't have any multis.U had a basic rhyme scheme..and your lines were long.Stretched lines pisses me like nothing else -_-. The idea and everything was ok.Nothing creative...meh..you lost... Vote-Ysdat Ysdat,PLEASE drop an honest vote in the link below... http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=213623 |
Voted For: Ysdat
ok dopium flow was bad in spots realllllllllllllly long lines lol structure would have looked better centered with smaller lines creativity was loooooooow nothing was creative in this most creative line was santas demise ur last night besides that u didnt go in depth at all everything was predictable overall jsut about every part needed elevation stick to writing poems maybe you need to be creative ysdat flwo was off in a few spots a few stretched lines but alot of them i could flow to a beat lol structure i liked that u centered it i liek ur lines not being as stretched as dopiums lyriccs were creative i liked the prayers alot of multis loved is vocab was pretty good not overdone the ending with his mom was kind of predictable but u took a creative side with this i was like yea hes going to find a shit load of presents and he didnt lol i was like wtf you not only told about a childs dissapointment you told about his faith and his poverty props cool shit easy win for ysdat his creativity won me over |
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