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Castro vs ...D.P...
Battle Rules:
20 - UNLIMITED Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Explained votes thank you Topic: Deepest Desire Minimum posts to vote: 200 Check in by: 04-08-06 at 11:46 AM Must drop verse in 1440 minutes after check in. Closed - Expired battle win |
Castro has ACCEPTED this battle on 04-07-06 11:48 AM.
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...D.P... has ACCEPTED this battle on 04-07-06 12:22 PM.
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Deepest Desires My pupils dilate… my thoughts make me blind My mind displaces… projecting desires outside I feel blood rushing through my head… my mind clears As my vision reinstates itself… an image draws near Through ghostly faint visions, colours leak like paint incisions In my eye, I decide to chase it down… it’s my mission Thoughtlessly I try to clear the straight, I pick up the pace I reach my goal, or so I thought, I find a letter in its place “IT’S A WASTE OF TIME”… maybe it’s a sign, Maybe what I desire will never be mine Maybe I should sink back to my tedious existence Maybe my pursuit is simple meaningless persistence Logic can kiss my proverbial… I refuse To choose my previous way of life, there’s no excuse I’m focussed on my goal, and this life is unique So I have no reason not to gain the pleasure that I seek Or at least try… if not, the day when I die I’ll reflect upon this moment, shed a tear, and think “Why?” At the corner of my eye I spot the thing that draws me near The distance between us narrows… it disappears SHIT… so close yet so far, the thing that proves bizarre Is that it’s always out of reach, my hope becomes scarred I’m inches away from giving in, fuck it I’m done Suddenly a letter’s in my hand: “MY BOY YOU’VE WON!” Whoa! my deepest desire has stared me in the face That’s to never have a desire I’m required to chase… |
Deepest Desire The Moment A windy day wit no sign of no one near my way When I got a call from a girl that lived by my place And all she said was come quick I maybe a horny bitch So I went to the store and got me some condoms really quick I call back the bitch to come back to my crib Made the lights dim as soon as she came in Clothes soon hittin the floor, all torned and ripped Had her on her back, about to stick it in Got the condom put it on, and then the moment really begins All slippery, wet, body temperature climate risin quick Felt so good, the movement of her grindin on it Before the end she gave me head real quick But in the moment I took off the rubber I had on my dick Sensational tingle as I came in her quick and That’s when the problems really had began Few Years Later Getting weak, struggling just to get up after a good night sleep Barely eat, minds troubling, over the wondering and thinking so deep Why do I suffer of fatigue, why I can’t get up after a night of sleep Why do I have so many blisters, why is it I feel unhealthy, so weak For weeks I felt the same, so I went to the doctor and all I can do is wait An hour has passed in the clinic my turn to go so I got up and went in Where the doctor was sittin he asked me was the problem I was sufferin As I told him the things that was happening to me What I heard I couldn’t believe, he said it must be an STD As me myself was in shock of this, I decided still to take the test Now 2 weeks I have to wait is just what he said 2 Weeks Later 2 weeks has passed, so I enter the clinic to ask for the test I had So then the doctor went to check for it, the wait made me crazy and mad Slowly it was handed to me…felt like time stopped as soon as it reach my hand So all I can do is look and see what I have can relief or make me damned As I open the folder all I saw in red was, letters that spelled out my destiny And the red it read like this, proven positive for the STD called HIV As I broke down in tears, screaming and yelling, walls breaking by my fist The anger I have for that bitch that gave me this sickness Now thinking: can’t be no lower, can’t see no higher Cuz I can’t raise and conceive a child can’t have what was my “Deepest Desire” |
ight bet uppin for some votes.
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good battle fam.........uppin this battle
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upin for some votes.
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.. upin for some mroe votes.......................
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.. upin for some mroe votes.......................
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.. upin for some mroe votes.......................
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This was feedback posted for Castro
Just checking polls...
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.. upin for some mroe votes.......................
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.. upin for some mroe votes.......................
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.. upin for some mroe votes.......................
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ight bet uppin for some votes.
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Voted For: ...D.P...
emotion,story line, structure, and general content go to Rob. This is one sided. . castro your verse dibbles on about nothing, it doesnt hit hard with any emotion, no story line twists and turns, and just generally boring bro. |
Voted For: ...D.P...
Rob wins this battle for me,. Cas I wasn't feeling the opening bars:************* A windy day wit no sign of no one near my way When I got a call from a girl that lived by my place And all she said was come quick I maybe a horny bitch So I went to the store and got me some condoms really quick I call back the bitch to come back to my crib Made the lights dim as soon as she came in Clothes soon hittin the floor, all torned and ripped Had her on her back, about to stick it in Got the condom put it on, and then the moment really begins All slippery, wet, body temperature climate risin quick Felt so good, the movement of her grindin on it Before the end she gave me head real quick But in the moment I took off the rubber I had on my dick Sensational tingle as I came in her quick and That’s when the problems really had began **************************************** I like when you twisted it 5 years later but it all become far to predictable for me. I like the meaning of your verse but sum bits were poorly written.:************ For weeks I felt the same, so I went to the doctor and all I can do is wait An hour has passed in the clinic my turn to go so I got up and went in ************************************* I feel you could have made this a whole lot better u just seem to overcomplicate. But this was dope,.. Now thinking: can’t be no lower, can’t see no higher Cuz I can’t raise and conceive a child can’t have what was my “Deepest Desire” ****Topicals need to had flow, u still have to count syllables for decent flow. I felt your vocab could be up-ed didn't see anything dope but it was a good drop. Rob: I like the way u write we have the same style 4 lines try adding inners for better flow, it would boost complexity. Vocab was nice, can be up-ed,. flow nice, was pretty easy to read.. didnt give me a picture of what was going on in my head but I understand the whole concept. This was a good battle but Robs verse was just better every thing was on pont dope drop fam. |
upping this battle man this shit's 6 months old now come on people
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Voted For: Castro
yes 200 posts, Now i can Vote! Castro got this, it was more in-depth and related to everyday life |
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