Forgiveness
 

Ok, I have a really hard time staying mad at someone for too long, basically because I forgive people and understand why they would do something that they did. It's really fuckin whack when you hate someone and then stop hating them, but they STILL hate you and you wanna try and be coo but they just don't forgive like you do. Based on Christian doctrines, I'm doing the right thing by forgiving, BUT they didn't ask for forgiveness, so I'm either a really good and forgiving person or a big old softy.

How about you guys, how easily do you forgive people? Does it take time, or explanations, or them asking for forgiveness, or what for you to forgive someone for something?

I never forgive people. I haven't talked to my dad for like 2 years and he LIVES with me. I would actually kill someone for fuckin with me now. I have to truly need somebody in order to forgive them. Otherwise, I just hope they die/kill them.

So basically, you believe in God and his ways, yet someone needs to be useful to you for you to forgive them?

I'm iffy on the image of God. To me he created the world and we make our own miracles and everything is on earth. And I make my own morals based off what I've learned. And what I've learned is the more you forgive people the easier it is for them to fuck you over again and again. I swear if everytime ppl offered to shake my hand I knocked them the fuck out, they woudlnt offer it again. People are like little fuckin kids they need to be punished when they do something wrong. But eh, forgiveness = not me. Of course I think its wrong, but I'm not trying to be a role model, I'm just mad. And I stay mad.

So people are basically little children in your opinion? From what I'm getting, it's okay for you to be the way you are but if other people are, there's a problem. For example, what if everytime YOU fucked up someone just gave up on you, that someone being some you love and care about. Basically what I'm trying to say is, if someone did the same thing to you, you'd think they were wrong (don't lie) but if you do it, it's ok. Imagine your mom giving you food when you were a kid and you threw it on the ground, so she never gave you food again. That's not logical, you punish them (let's say she doesn't give you food just once) and from that you learn to accept the food. Continual punishment becomes harmful in some cases, so therefore forgiveness is needed.

I didnt think I'd have to state any backup argument against me. 1st off I said people are LIKE little kids, everyone's like that. That just standing for learning right and wrong by punishment. It's exactly like fighting someone for disrespecting you. And I thought it'd be obvious for you to tell this, but it depends on the magnitude of what they did. If someone lossed a pencil I lent them I'd say its fine. But if someone killed my family I wouldn't forgive them. Even if I could "understand" why they did it, everyone has a reason for everything. That doesn't mean I'm gonna forgive them, them niggas got to pay, and they will.

And plus my emotional attachment with them plays a part. It's easier to forgive someone you love other than someone you hate. C'mon this is simple shit. It's not even all that complicated.

But not everyone kills your family, almost nothing is that serious. But whatever.

How serious something is, depends on who it is. And I decide what's serious, no one else.

And obviously the "kill your family" statement was just showing an example of the level of significants of what they did.

No shit? But you already said the only people you forgive are people who you can't live without, so everything about the significance is nullified unless we're talking about people you need and in that case, you would more then likely forgive them for 99.9% of the things they do, right?

My opinions shouldn't be taken personal with you. And I didnt mean it like that. I meant it like, if I care about the person. If I hate the person I'm not gonna forgive them. And most of the people who fuck me over I already hated to begin with. The magnitude of what they did has to be lower than how much I care about them or else I wont forgive them. Understand?

Who's taking anything personal? All I see you saying is that you either hate people or care about them. How would someone who you hate to BEGIN with really be able to get close enough to you to "fuck you over"? Why are you even talking to them if you hate them is what I'm saying. I know what you're saying and I understand but you make it seem so illogical.

That's kind of my point. WHat makes you hate someone in the 1st place? Usually something they did or how they act, which is also something they did. You asked why should you be around people you hate? It's the same concept as forgiveness. If someone fucks you over than you shouldn't be talking to them in the 1st place.

Well, Jesus said if we forgive other people, God will forgive us. But, if we don't forgive other people, neither will God forgive us. It's not that people "deserve" forgiveness, but we ourselves deserve to cut the chain of illwill that links us to a hostile event in time. We owe it to ourselves to forgive people so that we can move on.

I don't have a hard time forgiving someone. But, once someone crosses me, I'm pretty much done with them. I feel like this. How many times will I give someone the opportunity to do the same thing to me? Nah...

God is definitely more graceful than we are.

Pretty much exactly what Q said. How many times must you touch the stove before you realise its hot?

If someone fucks me over, I'll be mad and not talk to them. Eventually, I'll calm down about the situation and know that they acted a certain way for a reason, I'll come to them and tell them wassup with me and if they still don't wanna be cool, then they aren't flexible and understanding enough to be my friend in the first place. But if you hate someone, you shouldn't be talking to them. That's like me chillin with Satan worshippers and not saying anything about how I don't like them at all or what they do;the concept of forgiveness requires communication about problems.

That's another way to look at it. I prefer the other way. Is that ok with you?

That just means that we need to try and be better people instead of accepting the fact that we're humans and just can't do everything. Feel me?

Everything's ok with me, that's why I asked. I'm not trying to force my ideas on others, I'm just communicating them.

Yea...you def. have to look at people's motives and intent...However, even after forgiving someone, it's probably best to "unplug" from them and move on because they are toxic to you.

Example: Mad Dog

This guy would IM me out the blue and want to have a conversation. I was cool with that. But, I noticed that the way he acted on AIM wasn't the way he was acting towards me on RV.

On AIM, he'd tell me about his life, etc. And, I would be considerate and listen to him. Then, I'd come on RV and see where he was basically trying to clown me in a thread over something that had nothing to do with the AIm convo.

After confronting him on AIM about it, he basically took on an unapologetic tone. So, I said, "fugg off."

Then, he went on the attack, suggesting that I'm a pedophile, and all these other derogatory things.

^^^Now, as a Christian, I forgive him for lashing out like that. But, I'm DONE with Mad Dog. I'd be a fool to continue to talk with him as if nothing is wrong. But, as strange as that is, he would, if I allowed it, AIM me again as if nothing is wrong with calling me a pedophile and trying to humiliate me on RV.

It's about self respect. People do to you what you allow. And, I choose not to deal with people like Mad Dog because they are vindictive and spiteful. I forgive him. But, I'm done with him, PERMANENTLY.

I'm not saying just straight out forgive dude, but if it were me, I wouldn't associate with him for a long ass time. Eventually I wouldn't be mad about it anymore, at least like I was, and if we eventually started talking again, cool. I might try talking to him again and if he was still trippin, fuck him till the next time I'm not so mad.

For example, about 6 months ago I got into an argument with this girl across the street and she said some shit about me and I said some shit about her. But as of about 2 months ago, I wasn't really trippin anymore. If she wants to talk to me I won't trip, if she doesn't I might try to talk to her sometime and see if we can be cool and eventually mend whatever wounds we have in a friendship.

I don't just forgive them straight out, even if they ask for forgiveness, but eventually damn near everything to me can be mended. *shrugs*

Who am I to forgive anyone? Do people even need my forgiveness? If they do something bad to me, that's their choice. My belief is that nothing anybody could possibly do should affect me at all. That belief is true, but the difficult part is keeping it in practice. Sure, its easy for little things... But lying, cheating, murder I can imagine would make it a lot harder.

I think you're being a tad dishonest here bro. So, I am to believe that NOTHING ever causes you feelings of illwill toward someone? I venture to say that it can and will. Someone just hasn't pushed that right button, or crossed that right line, yet. And, forgiving them is a matter of releasing yourself from those feelings of spite. Also, if someone asks for your forgiveness, it gives them closure on the wrong doing as well when you do forgive them. It's selfish to not forgive someone, especially since we all hurt other people in one form, shape, or another.


Forgive means to LET IT GO, to not hold something against someone anymore. If you do that in your own way, then, you are still forgiving them.

Also, the true test to see if you've fully forgiven someone is to think about them, and then examine your feelings. If you still get angry when thinking about it or them, you haven't fully forgiven them and harbor hate in your heart. Hate will kill you bro.



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But I dont need to forgive them if I dont think what they have done is wrong.