you do something to me
 

Livin life through the pain and agony
My life is movin rapidly
Getting money is the strategy
Cause im tired of these bitches lyin
Claimin its not workin out no matter how hard im tryin
Life comes like rain weather
So im standin under my umbrella
Wonderin if you love me why aint we together
so im out here getting cheddar
Cause the feeling of money don’t get no better
While Im writin my face don’t get no wetter
I don’t rap for my health
I rap for the wealth
Everybody is in the world for there self
So maybe instead of being with you I should be with somebody else
Cause bein with you got me tied up like a knot
And its funny cause I thought the broad they want I got
But that’s not…true
Cause I don’t really got you
I got girls and I know you got dudes
I wanna be with the girl that want me but their not you
I messed up something good now I want you to come back
I reminisce back now im thinking life come fast

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3172675
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...676#post3172676

mhmh it's ight yo liking the flow n things yo.

i liked this even though it was simple it still flowed smooth and sounded nice when i read it....kind of the way i write when i just want to write something deep and not all complex....not everything has to be a punch or a meta....multis or anything like that....etc....sometimes just being simple is what it takes to get the point across.....good job man keep workin on them...~1~

good lookin on the feedback can i get more

Join my crew...and you'll elevate your skills.

Meh, you need a little bit of elevation, but basically it was ok. You need better vocab, and emotion, but i see how your writing, it was pretty cool in my mind..Others may not have liked it, but i kinda enjoyed it, not very poeticly, but a type of song thaty ou would do in audio, but written out..Ok job man

good lookin on the feedback can i get more

hmm..the simple wordin was effective in its own way. It seems like somethin more for audio...cuz in text ya have to add alot more emotion so you can paint a pic for ya readers...good jobb nigge :thumbup:

i feel u, im put it in audio as soon as i get the chance

good lookin on the feedback can i get more

i can feel dis, you did good mang. u coulda used more vocab but its a flow so its pretty good. keep it up mang

i liekd this it flowed pretty well...deluzion is right could use some more vocab but pretty good work

good lookin on the feedback can i get more

can i get some more feedback

can i get some feedback

good lookin on the feedback can i get more

i disagree w/ a lot of the ppl that already posted, this didn't flow well for text, but not enough visuals for a poem... when doing text, try to make then number of syllables semi-consistant in rhyming bars, that way it flows... idk how it sounds in your head, which probably means it would be better on audio... just based on the piece i'd suggest not neccesarily to up your vocab, because simple wording goes a long way, but more to watch your word usage (like using words in the right context) and not putting in "filler" words to try to make t seem more complex or "deep" than it is... decent piece if you're just starting, i loo foward to reading more of you work playa, keep writing...

good lookin on the feed even though i really could careless what you said but anyway more feedback

It flowed nice, more like a poem if the puncuations were right, and like and inspiration type deal. i say its tight the words went together so smoothly and u didnt have to go bak and see wat makes sense or not cuz it all did nice job mane!

good lookin on the feedback can i get more

Simple but good flow and deep it could use a lil work and other then that it was good!

i like the flow its alright i give it a couple props!

can i get some feed

good flow...but need a lil more structure

can i get more feedback