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Political criminal
..I'm too cynical to vote, with such a minimal approach.. ..the pinnacle of hope, is pivotal, and critical to most.. ..inches from the slope, habitually, itchin to get chose.. ..the centerfold of pitiful, practicin the rituals of ghosts.. ..the bridges i've composed, go from fiction to the truth.. ..eviction of the rules, will change the diction of the youth.. ..let's start by, convincing that, conviction is a spoof.. ..it contradicts restriction , and is friction to the roof.. ..take a picture of the move, with the mission in it's view.. ..constriction is improved, when superstition is the proof.. ..play apprentice to the brutes, for the riches and the loot.. ..view acceptance as a fruit, yet remain distant from the food.. ..the infant and it's coos, it moved, into an incidence that grew.. ..it blisters and it blue's, the black untill it's insolence it spews.. ..if they say that the revolution is upon at last.. ..I pray freedom evolves from a promise to a fact.. |
U beleive your Mr. Multi cuz your the only one on the site i see pissin off multies like this. Your multies are dope man...cant say anything more
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nope, i'm not mr. multie......I'm thoth...aka...In-Vision...just showin my versatility...thanks for the compliment though.
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I would like to battle you some time threadmaker..nice concept.
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But why? Your record is perfect!
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This was good i like it do some more shit like this foreal!
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Decetn i like it u got skills but it was a lil not wat i was expectn!
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decent? you must be illiterate |
this was decent at best....
your multis is what kept you in.... other then that is was decent at best.... go peep my diss i drop for your bitch ass...... |
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So your implying your going to Win? A lose is nothing for me...I don't give a fuck if I lose a battle...it's a battle scar...and another question I wanna ask...are you even in shape for battling? |
good piece, excellent multi's... multi's are almost too good, kinda distracted me from the topic... i like how you didn't compromise the purpose by trying to come up w/ voc. that didn't match the piece, that happens all to often, and i appreciate that you didn't just look for the closest word that rhymed... i look foward to reading more from you, keep writing..
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This was cool i like it u got my props for sure !!!!!!!!
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I'm out of your league jr. I was out of pre-school years ago..let me know when you gain above a pre-school writing level.
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You mean a LOSS is nothing for you. Not a Lose. assuming that is true, than a Win means nothing either...which makes the idea of a battle completely pointless. Because we can cypher, and do the same thing. we can message eachother, and do the same thing...the only difference between what you have expressed you want to do.....and a battle....is....a battle containes the element of black and white....right and wrong...win and lose... and you can try to offend me by asking..."are you even in shape for battling?" that means nothing....honestly....I am a writer....creativity and wit never leave, they only get stronger with age.....and to answer your first question...im not implying anything..i'm telling you...I will win. Let's just stick to the cypher thread...and if you eventually grow and start to seem like a legitimate challenge.....to the point where i can no longer decipher who's better without bias......we will battle and let others decide. |
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appreciate the feed man, just displaying some versatility |
tthis was really good in my opinion with the vocab and all...i like seein the stuff u post man keep it up
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you did good on this....
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I think there was a typo, second last line. Shouldn't it be "upon us at last?" That's not really a problem though. I don't see anything wrong with it, the concept is good and the many multis were executed well. It's dope. If I were to suggest anything at all, it would be to mix up the flow a little. It's not that important for a short piece like this, but a little switch up might be nice. Something like a call back rhyme, where, say you have 4 rhymes in two lines, the rhymes scheme is like this: ABC blah blah blah blah DEF blah DEF blah blah blah ABC Then you might rhyme the start of the next rhyme with ABC again to blend it into the flow a bit more or whatever. You could also try having some unique inner-line rhymes... Rhyme scheme would go: XY blah XY XY XY, ABC DF DF blah blah DF ABC Something like that anyway, if you get what I mean. I didn't explain it well. You probably knew those techniques already, but I think if anything could have spiced up this piece it's some slight flow variation. |
cool piece, good with the multies, and it all worked, wasn't just going with the rhyming.. would've been nice if it was longer, but i guess its hard with this style, but its not like the length took away from the piece at all.. good stuff, great closing lines too.. if i had to complain about anything, it was hard to read with the color, lol
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I apologize man, the way it looks on my screen is different than everyone elses. I just need to get the general concensus of what color is easiest to read. And no, i could have gone on forever. It was just a quick keystyle to break out of my old niche in writing, and work towards a new one. I appreciate the feedback though. stay up man. |
nice....seem like u did this off the top...but the vocab was on point....~1~
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