OMFG OWNED (fmylife.com entry)
 

"Today, my boyfriend called me from a payphone because he lost his phone at the airport. When I texted his phone to get a response from someone who stole it [because it was still on whenever I called], I received a message back saying, "Love the pics. Send more ;]" Fuck My Life"

ahahahahaha

www.fmylife.com

great for passing time

"Today, the 9th grade dean called me into his office to talk. He asked me if I was new because it seemed like I was having trouble making friends. I've been going to the same school, with the same people, since kindergarten. FML"

ahahahahahahah

"Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML"

"Today, I called my boyfriend on the phone to tell him I had the worst day. He told me to come over so he could "make me feel better". I replied that I just wanted to cuddle, surprised by his sincerity. He then asked me "Can I cuddle... with my dick in you?" FML"



ahahahah YESSSSSSSSSS

"Today, I got a "save the date" card for the wedding of a couple my husband knows. I was excited because I really wish to be better friends with these people. I emailed the bride, "I got your STD!" and hit send before I realized how that sounded. FML"

LMFAO CLASSIC

This is great, good lookin'.

lol this shit is jokes man! ha

rofl @ that STD one.

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML

ahah at that one.

Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML

loll

Today, one of my closest friends and I got into a fight. She ends the conversation with "My grandma just had a stroke. Bye." I didn't believe her so I replied "Thats great. Bye." Turns out her Grandma is in the hospital in critical condition. FML



you shudn't really laugh at that, but... AHAHAHAHAHA!!

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML

oh nooooo lol

new fav website..lmao

LOL good shit good shit

JTR why are u checkin out all the old ones hah

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

^lmao niceee

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

^owned

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

hahahaha

homie I was so bored, high and lonely all by myself at 2am I just fucking went through 45 pages easy in an hour

Today, a guy who I've been on five dates with called me for the first time in 2 weeks. The first thing I said was, "Don't expect me to go out with you again after going AWOL on me." Then he told me his mom died. FML



wasogihwoivnwonvwseounv LMAOOOO

What I found funny, was that amongst all the problems people were posting that were having substantial negative impacts on their lives (divorce, injuries, being called fat by your boyfriend, etc.), there was this...

"Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert."

^^ forgot the Fuck My Life at the end yo ahaha

hahahahahaha that is horrible. Im getting dragged to that fag fest

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

Buahaha. Awesome

Today, I had to make a family tree for one of my classes. When I was going through it, I realized that both my parents have the same last name. So, I asked them about it and they told me that they are second cousins. FML

Today, I was drunk and horny. So I texted "I want to fuck your pussy" to my girlfriend. I later realized that I had accidentally substituted the s for the p, and actually said "I want to fuck your puppy." FML

^LOL @ penis of death

chupa mi pene :evilgrin: