aint slept...Dont sleep on this yall !!!!
 

this is the first thing i spit in a long time,moved from the middleeast coz of that damn war and just gettin started gain in my new place...my style...i dont go back and change nothing after its done,some cats think im stupid for doin so,but i like the way it sounds,change tempos constant..........holla back..excuse typos whateva..


bismillah ir rahmaan ir raheem




(sigh)there be rats on the floor,roaches on the ceiling//
cats on the ground looking up waitn to make a killing//
vultures swarmin in red an blue vehicles layin patient//
theyll bust your murderer after hes killed you to maintain//
a steady,evidence flow in your homicide case...no replacement//
is in shipment for the the faucet that leaks into the basement//
i cant use the shower,waters been cutoff by the landlord//
the fridge is empty the ice tray`s got something moving in side it//
the floorboards be creaking with everystep i take,as i creep tryin not to wake-//
the girl from the night before,what was her name again?,oh it doesnt matter//
ill dissapear into the masses while she sorts through her own clatter//
grab a cup of coffee look out onto the city streets in the morning//
the sun rising the corporate cats is yawning,eyes hangin heavy//
walk down the fire escape to the concrete,back to the wall,only friend i trust//
every other emotion is obsolete,stacked ot tall,lonely ends i clutch//
i aint got much but i always got just enough,if only i could sell paranoia...//
id make a million,late night noise got me peelin my eye lids to stay on scan//
in hope some cat comes through my window lookin to start the rebirth again//
drop my cup on the ground ill collect it on my way home,and observe the ocean//
grab my book an write a poem,about the constant changing commotion,the emotion//
the city brings to the people trapped within its hypnosis...//
i been up for ten minutes and im already losin focus//


and its hopeless//
its absolutley hopeless//
its hopeless(absolutley hopeless)//
now would you be complaining if you lost those two jobs the watch on your wrist your kitchen mits on your finger tips your fridge where the infesation lives and was totally homeless?


looking up to my window to see the pidgeon land,wishing i was like that//
knowing it would never understand,watchign the elderly man,searching for helping hand//
receiving cold shoulders dagger stares,doomed to remain where he stands//
till somone with a conciounse comes along with stick knive in purse bag//
step into the alley way quick and stab gut the man where he stands,all planned//
survival of the fittest,and in the real world you gotta be quick,i aint the strongest in the lot//
but ive got a burning wit,i have to find ways to put it out,halon...nah//
id rather sit on this here bus stop bench with a book and record every activity of the day//
so that i could write a book about what people do on bad mondays and prove everythigns the other way//
sundays the worst day,its the begining of the cycle,the begining of the fight thats vital//
to put food in the mouths of offspring,over population free love uprising,enterprising//
hookers dominate the street corners wearing little to nothing,dormant police stand ignorin//
prolly coz they got they nuts bust earlier that very morning,corruption,runs rampant//
in the streets where i scribe the diary of a madman,only to find the light and yes,im completley right//
i am a madman...
and since im mad,mentally insane i might as well carry this book around to explain//
to any passer by that leads a drifting eye over the pages of my rhyme book and is shook//
because theyve seen the words not knowing they mean somehting else,ask a stupid question//
because theyve misunderstood,receive a funny look when you laugh,your aint allowed to be happy//
where the hell have you been?,you 20 seconds early,strap on a uniform//
begin labor,little do you know your prolly being served by your lifes savior//
ima be here forever i aint a one month flavour,check the distance ill be there still in focus//


and its hopeless,its hopeless//
its absolutley hopeless//
hopeless its hopeless (its absolutely hopless)//
knocking every passer by you collide and steal souls involved in lifes intertwined by destiny lines designed to break the sands of time in due time with rhyme but now the cause is lost and your mind is totally hopeless//


magnum opus expose us....
deliver us the fire to napalm bomb the populace with frozen without notice...perth town what...one`
Defintion...im out

this was crazy... how long it take you to do this?

what you mean crazy cat?haha took me 15 minutes max yo,like i said i dont go back on this shit,i just write till my head hurts and i cant hold a pen no more nahmean.rip the shit off in 3:45 max with a beat backing
holla back

i peeped your shit before meta,think its ill...

where the fuck yall at???quit sleeping on this gimme something...damn,yalll to lazy to read this or something,dafuck...uppin foreal

good drop liked this shit
rhyme was a little off but thats being picky but rest was on point man
check my shit Lost Summer please
chek

returnin tha favor

man seemed like u jus walked around ya city and wrote about a Day in tha Life Of....type poem.But it wuz ill na'mean,u gave sum good visuals and all dat.But sum ish didnt rhyme and it threw me off.Jus work on dat and more structure.Stay ^
-Avi

I REALLY LIKE THIS

thanks for the feedback yall...with the rhyming thing,yeah i know osme of the shit dont rhyme,but i mean not every line has to rhyme,my accent and my voice fills nin on a couple of them tha tyou wouldn tpick up on when your eading,but i more into gettign something out...but thats what cats get me on co zi dont go back over my shit...anyway,thanks for feedback yall...

bismillah

this was tight no doubt bout it. U originally from OZ? cos u better than alot the other stuff ive heard from out there. anyway ya imagery was superb on this.

looking up to my window to see the pidgeon land,wishing i was like that//
knowing it would never understand,watchign the elderly man,searching for helping hand//
receiving cold shoulders dagger stares,doomed to remain where he stands//

tight few bars that. ya vocab was nice on this too. and wit everyone sayin this doesnt rhyme in sum places they missing the point of it. not everythin has to rhyme its the feeling and sounds of the words that matter.

ANYWAY CUZ RETURN THE FAVOUR CHECK MINE BANGKOK BUSINESS aight l8r mate

aiight foreal my man frob yo got me totally with the rhyming part,thats what im always saying,thanks for the comments...yer im origanilly for australia,hip hop here is totally off,worse shit ive ever heard,that why i started listening to the differnet type of rappers out and got influence from them all i started doing shit like this,hoipefully ill change somehting foreal...thanks for your comments,ill check your drop now....
bismillah

Good visuals, need a tighter structure, but I understand about tha rhyming thing and tha flow...people sleep on my flow sometimes...tha last one I did was confined a little...if want to know what I mean search tha open mic forum for (Elements) and (tha paths we choose) or for any other drops under Tha Linez Drawn...it probably easier ...Good drop though....

thanks linez,peeped your shit earlier was an ill drop....

uppin yall where the fuck yall at stop sleeping,i know yall lookin gat this dont be bitches an read the shit,damn.haha ups ups ups

oh, check your pm

i replied lines check your inbox

quit sleeping yall up up up!

up up up!

Returning the favor

This was striaght man. I like the visuals you put forth on here. NAd you stayed on the topic through out the whole thing and kept my interest. Rhyme scheam could have been a little better but if you keep spittin you'll pick up alot of that type of stuff.

thanks for the feedback dizzle...
up up up!

damn yo! i wish i could rip shit like that homie, you's the reallest and illest killah, fo' real!! hit me ^ when u get a chance homie! fo real!!

much, much respect....peace

damn i the replies ive got aint what i expecrted at all,i dunno maybe i hate everything i write or osmething,but thanks for hte comments yall,up up up

that was some disease shit right there...damn dunny that shit was on some other shit...you made a good visual landscape thru your words...i like shit like that....nice piece...keep droppin shit like that yo...much respect...one

A'othobillah min al shaitan al rageem

man thanks yall for your comments,honestly wasnt expecting any good comments,but thanks fo rht elove yall...
bismillah ir rahmaan ir raheem

up up up up up uppin,come on yall,hit this up somethin

sic shit. i enjoy this so much more when it is about REAL SHIT. you tell the real truth. wah lakum salaam.

shookran sadeekee roux,im starting to like my spit now also,thanks for the feedback,hopin for more from othe rmembers at osme point,70 odd veiws 24 replies or osmething,ratio dont add up but its all good,least someones feeling my shit...
bismillah

Aight man, I've been busy now I can reply to this as well..



The opening was nicely done, had some nice visuals there, flow was smooth as well.

"theyll bust your murderer after hes killed you to maintain//"
^ Thing is that line there seemed not to fit into the piece at all, overall though it came out nicely enough to give the reader a good view of what is going on....



I know it's quite a bit to quote, but the thing is that this is how imagery is done, the lines here were woven nicely and added that storytelling element here, I liked that part.



Again nice imagery, these lines were done good, really good man, I was feelin' that intro the second verse, although I wasn't feeling that break up a bit, this came out and on strong, nice, vocab was enough to make this piece flow well as well as the imagery added something nice too. Sorry I can't really go into much detail I have to get back to work soon seeing how this is my "lunch break", but... uh yeah, there you go man, nice piece, keep on writtin kidd...

love...

damn thanks for the feedback rhombus,the bust the murder thing,i was refering to the police,the vultures,circle you till you mess up and theyll bite you,or in some cases ive witnessed,theyll wait till the danger has gone to enforce their laws,the murderer,theyll only arrest the murderer after hes killed you,to keep themselves alive,maintain...i thought the line was a bit off myself but i kept it in cozi knew what i was saying,thanks for the feedback...

bismillah

we got collab on some " gis rasum min noos "...namsayin...hit me with a pm dunny...one

thanks for the comments narcicyst,ill check my pm now.
ive replied holla back soon...
bismillah

u pup up up up up up up and a -mother-fucking-way

still uppin

drop was ill wit the imagery, form was decent for the most, bars could have been a little more even to help flow but still ill shit, keep it up, elevate -1

up up up up up yall...giants come visit sometimes...erm yeah

what up man, sorry I took kinda long to reply...
Anyway man... I was feeling this, no doubt... the shit is very fucking decriptive of the streets... rhymes sound mad gritty... you got nice imagery like cats been said...
I wasn't really feeling the flow on your first verse... but then the rhythm seemed to pick up a bit on the second one...
Nice spit dawg...

-1-

hya mna this was cool i like ur style drop a line http://63.219.149.14/forum/showthre...&threadid=41581

dope as usual... nothing can be said that hasnt been already except...
wha ta ta
^^pootie tang is the shit

ahahhaha pootoie tang is the shit....

dirty d is a bad man..a real dirty man...

the best bit in the entire fi;lm is the start...when they is selling the cocaine,and they need a tester to prove the shit,and the dumbest kid in the ghetto rides past hahah,i fucking love that part...

Good lyrics .. good flow .. what more can yah ask for?? greast rhyme.. keep em comin

cats this shit was the first ever post i put on here,if you looking for illness just lok up the name ahha,i got a few posts on here yall might be liking...
bismillah