Short Mother's Day Piece
 

this is somthing short i did for my mom, i was pretty dissapointed with it when i finished it but oh well, tell me how it could be better

Just an infant-seed, during instants of distant-dreams,
With intent-greed, counting minutes before syndicates-freeze,
An intimate-theme, of appreciation, you can reach to feel each-sensation,
With speech-amazin’, I try to meet tha elitist-station,
Like a dentist-patient, I’ve been through deep drilling, felt heat from steep-billing,
Defeats-willing, no retreat for indiscrete-killing,
I keep-spilling, guts and intestines, no rest to get tha-best-lines,
Intense-rhymes, that test and infest-enzymes,
Perfect-designs, to pour out REflections, and free physche-in-sections,
And be-blessin’, internally it’s me-stressin’,
DEflections, of any predicament, you know she’ll “stick” around and “spit-her-bit”,
Like “fix-a-dent”, and she’s quick to debit-tha-rent,
And emit-payment, keeping our house unharmed, never wrong she’s unmarred,
She’s gone-starved, worked long but is unscarred,
Unalarmed, by tha bottom-of-tha-rock, she keeps proddin’ and spottin’-another-job
Plottin’-further-stops, no dodgin’ she’s uppin’-for-a-spot,
Lost-ends-never-thought, a realist yet EXTRAordinary, you betcha she’ll take steps-to-be more-caring,
A gesture-of-sharing, if you met-her you must accept-her-as-unwavering,
So exceptional-it’s-scary, you’ll find no one better guaranteed, she’s rare too apparently,
Like an errant-seed, blossoming where there’s some disparity, and growing to become tha most fair at parenting, there’s no comparing, my mother is tha brightest star she’s glaring

fuckin multi-heaven!

i'll drop man!,
Like a dentist-patient, I’ve been through deep drilling, felt heat from steep-billing,
Defeats-willing, no retreat for indiscrete-killing," - fuckin A

thanx son good lookin out i hit up ur drop

still lookin for some feed back, whats this lackin and all tha shit

Yo there was alot of songs that were in this concept that i
didn't feel but, this one was a good piece.. u contained alot of
multi's and also followed it will a good trace of rhyme scheme..
Good shit... keep uppin B!

thanx bud ill check some of urs when ever u drop
still uppin

damn yo, i gotta say. that was one well written peice dawg.

Just an infant-seed, during instants of distant-dreams,
With intent-greed, counting minutes before syndicates-freeze,
An intimate-theme, of appreciation, you can reach to feel each-sensation,
With speech-amazin’, I try to meet tha elitist-station,


Dead up, im feelin this one yo

thanx dogg, respect

critisim please of tha constructive nature lol

Just an infant-seed, during instants of distant-dreams,
With intent-greed, counting minutes before syndicates-freeze,
An intimate-theme, of appreciation, you can reach to feel each-sensation,
With speech-amazin’, I try to meet tha elitist-station,
Like a dentist-patient, I’ve been through deep drilling, felt heat from steep-billing,
Defeats-willing, no retreat for indiscrete-killing,
I keep-spilling, guts and intestines, no rest to get tha-best-lines,
Intense-rhymes, that test and infest-enzymes,


that was my favorite part, really nice dawg keep it goin. A ton of multis and ure flow was awesome, great wordplay and vocab, all around it was the shit.

keep spittin and check out my spits

-OuT-

thanx son diggin tha positivity
still lookin for advice and constructive shit too tho
keep hittin it and ill be lookin for urs

damn this was nyce piece
everything went together perfectly
good multis, flowed good, nyce usage of vocab
good drop dun...keep'em comin

thanx dogg, still uppin

one word to explain this Joint.........................SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!

thanx yo
upppp

TIGHT NESSS

lol thanx dogg

im still lookin for some advice on how it coulda been better

Yo i send u a message ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Peep it

TIGHT! I was feeling it yo!

but hey! you asked for how to make it better
basically, you gotta question yourself.
what seems like the most intimidating thing to do
then just attack it.
but thats just my opinion
besides that,
you should've flipped the baby viewing his future inside the womb
kno?
I dont know, you figure it out.
peace.

lol thanx son opinion appreciated never quite got what u meant, but maybe thats just it

i think you went over board with multis and vocab and didnt focus enough on the topic at hand.

its obvious you got skills, its just a question of developing them in this case, if you'd spoke more on what your mother means to you it wouldve been stronger. although the multis and vocab wouldve been a great "spitting for the sake of spitting" piece.

keep posting.

ye thanx dogg

thats what i was dissapointed in, i was hopin to drop a more felt piece with all tha multis vocab and tough rhyme scheme

thanx for tha opinion, i think i share it with u

Caspah ur Message Box is filled , , ,, I can't send u any message

nice multi man. wickd shit i felt it, i b droping an open mic soon so peep in it when i done. peace. and ya wcked shit kept that shit up.

thanx man ill peep urs when i see it up