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Step-Left...Landmines
looking back now,i see nothingness,puffin fresh onion breathe,,warned me bout the three steps,could of said nothing less//
then "im impressed",but he didnt,and the hurt i felt made me the victim,it would of never worked out// i thought i was the one that had to diss him?my wisdom hit me with a bitch slap,neck snap back// to the real world in wich im fixed at,pig trap,sharp knives demonic design,i couldnt understand the message// withheld in the overflowing bottle of wine,maybe it was the essence,of acceptance,that brought me closer// to my inevitable repentance,descendant,mocked me acordingly,for have lead the life in wich i choose to lead// its not their fault,they had to squash this revolt,they saw the demagogue...and just crushed me with glares// to this day stay dusty,pictures decompose musty stench in my home,my abode,my fashionable emplode// demote...remote telegrapgh carpet bomber mechanism detective,have to find who stole that button and keycode// from my cookie jar,inhale more tar,just to stop the shaking,but i know in the back of my mind,the nicotenes creating the cravings// im having patient,standing in a hallway of memories,that i never lived,bring a pain to me,forgotten and forlon// the useless relative target for outbursts and scorn,directed at others,but i big antlers,with reluctance i accept,i was game since i was born// side step to the right and back twice to the left,would you end up in the same place?or face the other step// laced with land mines, the devil looking up smiles shaking minds with god up above,for creating such perfect design//(flawless) left right left,left right left,left right left,left right left...ima march your punk bitches from here to timbuk too and back// and when im done with you there aint gon be nothin left,that i promise,open honestly was acceptable,you dont like me// oh thats supposed to be an insult?you wanna fight me?is that a threat?oh you wanna be just like me?no you dont,i advise you take two steps left... multicoloured chaos gnome...hording crayons in a shoebox,just to prove a point,that he could brighten everyones day,when we put away our reeboks// trolley collection captin,scratching his head like what happened,fallin to the pavement with shank in back stabbing// hank in back jacking the bunker,sank in fact standing upright,my cynicism alone tore the world to sunders,my cause...calculated blunder// i sometimes wonder,at the way cats live they shit day to day,thinkng they have a purpose,when the reality is// their just to damn ignorant to notice,that if i stole the moon tomorrow,nothing would happen today..lets just say// if i stole the sun,the cause would be immediate,confusion would be the intermidiate,tyranny of a global kind...but the effect would be something to reason with// im circling the doctrine in my samzidat,to confide in my brethren of elven children seldom seem or heard// outside their own neck of the woods,in their corner of the dark world,missunderstood outcasts like myself// get along spendidly,just so happens,there aint alot of them that are emcees,so i remain solo for the time being// and if it came to the time i might become a companion,id still think back to those lonely days on the spanish galleons// thinking up ,eating,drinking,sleeping fucking amalgams,just to get the right sound out on this damn album,possible// that i couldve worked just a little to hard and lost my self to the form of broken heart mountains(ons)// but vein people wouldnt be able to relate anyway,so i guess my secrets safe... ima ground force dammit,im that career soldier for my long overdue cause of backpedal retort// i use no weapons,offensive is launched in sentence,directed a the contence of cats intentions// circle the epitaphs of those greater then yourselves in a feeble attempt to elevate your own status// from below average to average...ashe to ashes...dust to dust...take two steps left please,your destruction is a must... hush little slut,your form i make a bust,i thought you knew this before now...detonate in the foreground// gimme a pound...uh...Hahahaha.... obsidian blades,ebony hilts,darkness in motion,death is the protagonist,monopoly managers,sizing up your muzzle for sun lotion// floating on my back in this deep shallow,antonym of an ocean,spittin water in the air,charging my sideways perpetual glare,for another day// of crayon colouring-in competions and outlining bodies with chalk,im the champion at that little game,and with a quick step left// i understood the perspective that everybody else saw me in pain,walk,walk,stop talk,embark on your mission,endless fratanizing// end up a politician,whos decisions,are all related to whips chains and masochism,i elevate,while you perpetuate your lack of orgasmic rhythm// im living a debarkle,a sham existence,i throw down my gauntlets just to innitaite an instance of resistance for the masses,to hear them cheer// in reality to me,the sweet system of hands clapping is music to my ears,half these cats live in fear,hatred,horror and lonliness,wishing they had a voice// just dial clondike nine nine five,and ill give you the iresistable choice,of picking or choosing,choosing or picking,its a catch 22// ill kick you out of the cylce,just so build a pogostick of wit and somehow jump the fuck over you,the egosystems frail,but its existence is vital// no more shall we receive this worship of self important,mummified corpses alongside the river bank of the forest walkers,if that makes sense// ill carry my tape-deck to record my thoughts on the event and make fun of it when i get home in rhyme form defect,defect,defection//... sensor detection is at an all time high level son,importance of earth bound beings,less important then our own self pity,reflect somethings// pretty off the gritty street imagery,chemistry class has started fifteen minutes ago your late,go stand in the corner and count from sixty// then take a seat next to that leper,the one with the disease...i hate you...take three steps left....ignore the warning sign...its only landmines... bye bye. and in this section i pause for effect,yo ima ground force dammit,im that career soldier for my long overdue cause of backpedal retort// i use no weapons,my offensive is launched in my sentence,directed a the contence of cats intentions// that circle the epitaphs of those greater then themselves in a feeble attempt to elevate their own status// from below average to average...ashe to ashes...dust to dust...take two steps left please,your destruction is a must... hush puppy hush,your form i make a bust,i thought you knew this before now...detonate the background// gimme a pound...uh...Hahahaha.... landmines...step left,i pause for effect. static cling for effect....yes...step left.stepping right will only head you in the direction in wence you came... static cling for effect... inprisonment *static* |
WOW he drops a new peice...gasp...
mmmmm i really dont liek the way these pages make my bars look,it makes them look uneven,oh well....i guess if you read it youd work it out... morphed cat cow. |
Ur bars are whack..........Why u type like dat dawg....................Damn...................... ..But ur flow was Ill.........I liked it cuzzn...........Your wordplay was da Best part of this drop............Tha best piece i have read 2day
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this was pretty long,man, but other than how it came out, this shit was hott. return the favor an check my drops out
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hmm well considerin gi don ttype my bars....in the rb format,i guess thats why they come out funny...tis annoying innit...but they are long,coz id do all of that in a couple of minutes easy.but eh.bars aint gonna effect it to much,tis annoyign but innit?.but if i did type my bars in a way that didnt come ou tlong,then people would complian its too long...more so then usual...thankyou for your bluntness...
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You kept it alive the whole time, which was pretty long, but the fact that it didnt really get boring or lose the flow was crucial. I love the line,
(quote) side step to the right and back twice to the left,would you end up in the same place?or face the other step// laced with land mines, the devil looking up smiles shaking minds with god up above,for creating such perfect design/ (quote) thats fuckinnice!!!!!! Usually i dont like longer rhymes because people lose focus and flow but you did neither damn fine work! |
hanks dun,muhc appriciated...lmao im the long ass rhyme that noone wants to read due to its incredible length,specialist...
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bshi up.
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ill piece, i was feelin it way too lengthy though but other than that and the way the bars came out it was pimp,mad propz to this kat. peace out kid
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hottness? mos def. got me wantin to collabo? kid shiiiiit,thats a must. too long? yeh,but still its hot. get at me. aim=whaddupfool HOLLA!
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aiight no doubt...done done and done.
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very nice....very long
wordplay was extraordinary...great piece...sorry i dont have time to break it down..take my word...it was excellent... |
ill take you rword on it sand...thanks for replying...good to know some people do.
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oh check your PM box
hafta talk to you about something.... SFTFP sorry for the freepost |
the shit was ill as usual keep spittin
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Woah! Ive never read a piece from you before, but i saw this and figured id read. . Firstly, the concept: very nicely done, seemed to have some real thought behind it wheich is more than 75% of the pieces the newbies drop here. Personally - i think you could of tried harder with your multi's, the nothingless/ onion breath, it sounds good, but forced - if you get what im saying, dont rhyme the words just because they rhyme, take time to think them out and put them together creatively. You had the basic concepts down, such as internals and external rhyming, plenty of wordplay in there to hold the attention of the reader, althought i didnt like the ( stuff like this after the bars ) because it looks stupid, you cant have text adlibs man! ...lol... finally, adjust the bar length, im not saying to any particular format, but right now your bars seem stretched out and are hard to the readers eyes, this piece looks long as fuck and that probably the reason its so slept on.
Sorry if ive been harsh, its just constructive critisism, i dont mean it ina bad way, im doing iit for you so you know where to improve. Elevation is the key, take what ive said and work on it, hopefully you'll take my advice and put it into effect with your next drop, then take it a step further. Peace! |
damn this is long LOL im feeling kinda of buzzed right now so i couldnt read the whole thing cause my mind is wondering around LOL but what i read was nice,
from my cookie jar,inhale more tar,just to stop the shaking,but i know in the back of my mind,the nicotenes creating the cravings// ^i liked that line. thanks for replign to mine, when i sober up ill read the rest LOL |
ILLness..
Wordplay was off the hook like eskimo jackets.. once again im impressed... hit me up for a collab bro.. |
thanks for the replies...thanks especially to vortex. ;). no doub til be changing parts,tis jsu tthe rough copy...lmao...text adlibs,this just rough for my audio im working on lmao...but eh..i see your point,it does look dumb now ahhaha...yeah i always have trouble with the bar lenght,tis a bitch...im workin on a way to fix it...but nayway,thanks heaps for your reply...and to everyone else...appreiciate it.
bismillah |
yeh dis was da bomb liked it i like it i like it i like it. think australian drink australian fosters u do, its like coo, like wid neighbours and u and all dat shit peep my piece tis proper Bo i tell thee
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very nice drop
normally I HATE long drops but this was good all the way through.... keep writing... definately have enjoyed your drops |
ill drop, the best was the wordplay for sho' but if u set the bars up differently maybe i would have gotten the flo better
return the favor? http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=51173 |
thanks all,wil be checking it out soon,just stuff happening righ tnow i need ot sort out...will see it though.
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soz m8 4 da fucked up reply i was high on sugar or suamt ill give u serious feedback 2nite
peace |
^lmao.
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i wish i wrote it---
loved it check mine will ya Just another Madman....... I'm new & every time i read a post like this one i see i have more growin ta do.. Thanx |
thanks sen,ill get to lokin a t it soon
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uppin for the awake populations...
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god i hate most yall.....damn you.
i should jsut keep upping zion... maybe i will...no....ill up this agian... coz yall complained zions got upped by peopel other then me,yet the complainers did not read my peices...psh ^^i have no dea what im talking...just babbling.... |
holy ass.. that took a-Looooooooooong time to read thru.. but wow, it was pretty amazing that enen in a piece that long you didn't seem to fall off all that much.. I was very surprised.. some crazy ass make you think kinda wordplay, I'm ont gonna say multies but there was something I don't know what to call you did with delivery.. all in all it was ill.. 1
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thankyou...appreiciated.
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