phrantik vs Mad Man
 

10 lines min. 20 max
due: Thursday (get intouch with me if that wont work for your schedule. we will work it out. Also if you have problems with topics reach me.

Topic: Gravestones

-hahaha-
Good Luck Mad Man.

Wow, why doesn't someone bend me over backwards and stick a dildo in my ass.
Let me guess, I'm the bottom seed, and he's the top.

*sigh*I hate my life *sigh*





Checkin' In

LOL..

Gravestones....damn nice topic...ill watch this one for sure....

who's gonna win??? I have no idea hehehe...


just wanna say good luck!

Yo, if you don't mind, I won't be able to post until Friday, I got a concert at my school both tomarrow and Thursday night, and I don't wanna drop a weak keystyle, tiK, I could use this one :D

sounds good. Friday is set for Mad Man phrantik is still for thursday--

-1-

haha my verse is done and dope.

phrantik i have high expectations for what im about to see.

-1-

goodluck to both of you i am watching this one

Gravestones... A tribute to the forgotten

A thousand heads stand erect in the dirt
Symbolizing the tortured souls I had hurt
There voices only speak in monotonous tone
And their faces fall apart like eroding stone
Each head a memory, expression of deeds
The fruit that has grown from my evil seeds
Tributes of Flowers get laid beneath the heads
To praise, give thanks to all those dead
But I bring rotten dead roses that wilt
To let them remember it’s them I had killed
Their blood I had spilled, their lives I had stole
And it was me that left them dead in a hole
Forgotten by family shut out by their friends
It was I who brought existence to ends
Years of denial have left corpses gone rotten
And gravesotones to pay tribute to the forgotten

keep this to your self mad man

thats way too much material against you

i hope noone else reads that and then

:eek: speechless

dope verse

mad, your up

mad come on man better see something when i wake up---

-1-

I walk through the Graveyard with flowers in my hand
It feels like the millionth time I've walked through this land
And the trek that I make is one full of sorrow
Everytime I make it, I wish there was no tomarrow
And then I arrive at that lonely grave
The name reads: Jill Emma Redave
Born 1986 Died 2003
"The loveliest girl that ever would be."
See her parents truly loved her with all of their heart
But I loved her more that with her I still can't part
See I can still recall my desire
And every revery I have is on fire
See everytime we met, in my heart there was a burning
Because every night we spent together was the heat of yearning
And I can't take not ever seeing her again
And I pulled out what would let me see her in heaven
And on her cross, I boar Christ's position in which he died
Blood flowed from my head from where I lied
This loss was something that I couldn't get over on my own
And next to her I got my own Gravestone...

Daaamn. BOTH nice verses...much propz Tik n Mad.

This could be Legend's material, eh Tik ;)

i dont think so mad.

^^^'innit'. People should stop dwelling on all this 'legends' section so much. Thoiugh i think he might've been joking, it's gone past funny.

Just keep doing your 'things' and see what happens from there, like.

Oh, and both good pieces. Though i shall reserve any further comments i have till AFTER deacon has judged..

Phrantik:
This was an exceptional piece and i must say you executed it in a fashion that i didnt expect.
A couple of lines i would like to shine apon:

"There voices only speak in monotonous tone
And their faces fall apart like eroding stone"

This line brought alot of depressing imagery along with the obvious stages of a decaying body along with the object (gravestone) that gives the body placement or in other words a name. Time will ruin anything----

"Forgotten by family shut out by their friends
It was I who brought existence to ends"

This had soo much truth in certain aspects of the steps of grieving but only of the short term effect. No one is truly forgotten many suppress their thoughts in believing so to make life easier(making matters worse in the end).I enjoyed how the killer gave placement and understood he was the reason for the death and grief of the loved ones.

"Years of denial have left corpses gone rotten
And gravesotones to pay tribute to the forgotten"

Great way of finishing this poem the overall emotion/imagery/originality was there-- I give this poem an (8)

Mad Man:
Wow this seemed to be a pretty personal piece. Is It? I loved the way you put the reading of the gravestone within the piece very nice. There was alot of imagery that deserves notice especially in the end...

"And on her cross, I boar Christ's position in which he died
Blood flowed from my head from where I lied"

---The crazy things one will do for the sake of being alone------

I really enjoyed how personal it seemed with bringing out the originality of it as well. Im going to give you a (7)


final: Phrantik moves on to 2nd round but this was a close one i think both pieces stand strong. Hard voting on all these i must say very competitive--Mad Man i'd love to see you back for our following tournys

much resp:
-1-

"Wow this seemed to be a pretty personal piece. Is It?"


when i say personal i did not mean in the aspect of suicide but in the loss of a possible girlfriend.....

'Tik, ya made this piece tock like a swiss grandpa cock on steroids..i.e. you killed it!!

Like all the others, i read this piece before. But reserved my comments till AFTER Deacon finished judging them. Real nicely done.

As for Mad Man. I thought it was nice. You took it on well, and kept on going.

..resp...

this is my first watching a poetry battle.this is like so totally awesome....sike.nice drop from both of yall.