shiznit vs understatement
 

10 lines min. 20 max
due: Thursday (get intouch with me if that wont work for your schedule. we will work it out. Also if you have problems with topics reach me.

Topic: Write a Eulogy about anyone special--real or fictional..
(A laudatory speech or written tribute, especially one praising someone who has died)

checkin in here...damn shiz, this is gonna be a hard match against you, one of the best poets I've seen on this site.
Well, I'll give it a go...

im down for whatever....

haha...u know ur better than me pat!;) ;)



....but we'll see..

Good luck to yall

lookin forward to this shit... gone' be off the chain... and you got a bomb ass subject

got damn, mines sumthin about an apple tree

for sure can't wait to see what you guys come up with

Linked for eternity, we were one and the same
Over-simplified explanations, I would never feel it again
Voraciously wondering is we would ever be reunited
Extorting my feeling and tapping my mind, I can no longer fight it

Heavens decending to the world of man is what she was to me
Angelic wings spread wide as if to embrace, but it cannot be
Sexuality not a part, the deepest bond of our souls, our heart

Potentially dangerous to myself when she left me
Expression of love and joy has turned dark and languidly empty
Rivers running dry, a tap that used be unending
Italic existence leaning to the right, no defending
Silhouettes of perfection are all that is left of her to me now
Hard-headedness then left me blind, my sight was not allowed
Ends of existence come with emptiness of mind
Dead lay my muse and love, inspiration I'll never find

the death of inspiration::the most special person of all
I hope you feel this like I did
Peace

edited for the bolds, didn't want them overlooked

waitin.... for shiznitz post.............. UNDERSTATmeNT, never a dull moment! thats what we made of... this gonna be tough to see, cant wait to see what shiznit comes up with.

this one is going to be a hard descision ....i can't wait to see what shiznit wrote

The sun had faded out in the crimson horizon and the streaks of sunlight peeked into the last fragment of darkness

The sun had washed out but the stupidity in him never did as the twilight shatters those painful seconds of transition

Mourning over the departure of warmth, his heart mourns over her feigned cadaver, like a once sought-after sunshine who departed, when it never arrived and just stood there in nothingness

Not a scream came out of his mouth, yet still, fear almost smashed to smithereens every vein in his body

He was clinging to the jagged edges of a cliff, any slight motion would send him plunging into the mouthy river of solitude, its raging current enough to drown him in his fate

A do or die situation where in all you wished was to have the slightest clue of what to do and never he did

He often believed that he was already cursed by the so called love that originates from the sight of your face, which his soul forever encompasses.

He relish the sparkle in her eyes, those delicate smiles and the smooth hands which in his dreams, wipes the tears he shed when he cries.

For all his life, He lived the fullest in his slumber for no one will act as a barrier to his illusion and to his rhapsody, nothing will capture him, no one will convict him and no one else will be there to love her but him.

This box of thoughts may get weary but he’ll keep a space in his heart where he can place her mischief tactics for the very last time..as though last may sense nothing as he bid farewell to this emotion a long time ago, but still finds his self in the path that leads to her closer by now.

Searching for a reason that is known to be absurd and searching for the meaning of a radical idea

Searching for an answer to his unsatisfying curiosity, why she could never feel his existence like he was here and she were there and just a smell of her suave scent is all takes to make his blood rush to his brain.

Then he realized the horrible truth, the nemesis to his self-contained norm as he blinked his eyes but all he sees is darkness and can no longer see.

It froze his lips, not a word was he able to speak, the deafening volume of his heartbeat hammering in his chest was all that he could hear, then he was deaf

Despite that, he was never numbed by my being and unbearable pain crept to his veins in his body.

With him are a few mementos of that few seconds of bliss. With him is that painful reminder of her love which could have been his.

With him is a broken dream, a mere illusion and a hot tear trickling down to his cheek, trying desperately to wet his dry lips and empty heart

He was sick. He was in pain. He was suffering and he longed to hold on to what is perceived to be nothingness.


He reached up for my hand and pulled me closer like gravity from the earth then..breathlessly whispered in my ear sayin “I wish I could’ve done things differently”

Shedding light to my grieving soul there lays his memories engraved in my life permanently

ill explain later...

explanation :

my aunt died in 1980....she had tubercolosis...my uncle never had the chance to prove to her how much he loved her...so this is like more of him making a eulogy of himself but instead he used me as a tool to say it..then at the end he died few years after my aunt...

well hit me up if u aint really clear bout this one!

closed till judging.

-1-

i have to say, i really liked your shiz. captured the moment for me with your extensive use of diction.

pat, i like what you did with yours - rhyming it and managing to add an acrostic, which in my opinion is usually hard considering the lexicon you used to accompany your lines.

great job you two, let's see how the judging goes.

*ahem*

still not closed

shiz again you prove to have a very deep meaningful heartfelt poem under your poem was good but i didn't feel it like i felt shiznit's

Understatement:
Wow this is for sure one of the top pieces written in this round. I loved it--You had some very nice choices of vocabulary in this giving the words soo much more depth along with description of emotion and feeling....

A line that should be pointed out.......

"Potentially dangerous to myself when she left me
Expression of love and joy has turned dark and languidly empty
Rivers running dry, a tap that used be unending
Italic existence leaning to the right, no defending"

These lines were filled with imagery--"rivers running dry, a tap that used to be unending" beautiful metaphor that is deep with meaning--I honestly see the effort in this written and feel that it has most of the elements in making a good poem.....you used the use of bolds to formate a message within itsself which is very origina-----overall nice piece i give it a (9)


shiznit:
Wow deep emotion through a very personal topic.....I think you made this original just by the choice of structure throughout the poem....both rhyme scheme structure and verse structure....There was some deep imagery in this

"The sun had faded out in the crimson horizon and the streaks of sunlight peeked into the last fragment of darkness"

Nice opening line for a poem really gave the setting/ direction for the begining....

"He often believed that he was already cursed by the so called love that originates from the sight of your face, which his soul forever encompasses"

wow--i could picture the feeling of rememberance through this line--sadly it probably brought depression instead of joy to the man who had invisioned it...
This poem had many great aspects in it--It was a bit lengthy but only because of my approval---great piece im going to give you an (8.5) due to originality--imagery and emotion that i felt while reading....much love and respect---

Final: Im giving this to understatement i was very impressed by his piece and feel it deserves to go to the next round--both great pieces and both deserve respect.

-1-

boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

why are you booing?
jen, I seriously thought you beat me, and I really like your piece.
good round
peace

i thought she beat you too..thats why im booing.

You did good but i thought she won it.

booooooooooooooooooooooooo

nahh....i knew i was gonna lose cuz pat's piece was strong....and mine is a whole lot of shit..big "BLAH"...

...i really liked urs....the acrostic style and vocabs really pulled out on me....thats awesome...good luck on the 2nd round...

hey pat...dont let phrantik win aiight??? jp....

i bid good luck to all who advanced to the 2nd round!

Good Job Shiznit...
Congrats Understatement...

Death Currently Isn't Taking Questions
I Tried Asking Him...Sorry

thanks dude....who's death? the dude in the still black robe with the scythe?

he's basically commenting about my sig...lol

Both very very very good pieces..i can see why deacon had such a hard time scoring these two..