My Life
 

This is my newest work, kinda long but its me so hook me up with what you think of it.

Yo the name is Reno the rest is my life |
Ima take ya back from the first knife |
To the point where I meet the shorty to be the perfect wife |
It all started when I was 23 months old |
The night was cold, the doctor had something that must be told |
So he came to my mama, |
Told her that next part of her life would be a drama |
The words he uttered came like this “ We are sorry to say but your boy, he has cancer “ |
She threw her head into her hands and the tears were sparked by the fears as she begged for the answer |
The tears flowed down her cheek like the moves and twirls of a dancer |
The next few years of my life I felt the attack of a needle to my back |
My eyes and cries placed on the a clown that smiled from a plaque |
On the wall reminding me and my mom to stand tall and never fall |
I survived the first major brawl of my life before I could even crawl |
I had to learn the right moves and right steps because my life was nothing but a ball |
I didn't have time to learn the right steps my childhood on the pages of the book |
Called poverty with no real ending everything I wanted I took, look |
What would you do in my shoes, would you still rep your crew? |
Or would you look to the sky and bid the world adieu? |
Like Kweli I do what I can just to get by, just to get by, just to get by |
Weither I live or I die, I knew I would have to cry |
I tossed my hands to my side, hidden by my pride I look to the sky |
My voice shout to the lord, so many times I have wished to die |
It seems at times that my only friend is not more than my zebra pen |
Every now and then when life has me down I think of back when |
I was cured of my cancer, so happy I could smile without pain |
Have a certain feeling that I wanna gain, I still love it when it rains |
Been trained to think in my own way, float like a butterfly sting like a bee |
Bettas bring ya crew and an AK before you come at me |
I normally stay away from the combat a real emcee |
But I can protect mine with or without a nine |
So much hate and trouble in my life but I aint going whine |
I still hate the swine that think they can blaze |
Over my and crew, we will amaze |
Ya as we keep living the way we do |
I have been blue, smashed like gum on ya shoe |
But my life goes on…|

uppin fo feed back.

that's emotional

uppin

that shit hot....but it could be a little shorter. Not sure how much advice i can give when im still asking for some.

Aight thanks, about the length im not sure if it being longer is better or not, get some more up here and I will give ya the advice i can.

R.x Out

SHit is Hot deffinitly..................................Conten d wus Pure.......meanin SIck..lol

Wordplay Nice creativity shown in this piece...........

*am proud to be a good teacher.........*

Ruth.......cries...lol


Am fuckin wit ya...............NICE DROP DAWG

yo this was an ill drop, drops like this cant really be critiqued cause of all the emothion in it. this was pimpas hell. keep up the good work. lol ^^^^^^ Ruth you a fool dawg lmao

lol at ya Ruth thanks for the replies, this one was def from the heart...keep the thoughts on it coming. uppin it

This was a tight drop... Fuck what that kid was saying about the length..... ILL pieces don't need to be short....

Creative lines....
deep emotion...

mos def feelin' this piece.....

keep writting

Aight thanks meta, thanks for all the replies so far

last uppin on this piece.

R.x Out

Neet Drop: 7 Days War, coming soon.

Im feelin. Keep it up son its tite

Wow, didnt think this would get replied on ever again. Thanks alot for the newest reply.

I like this shit son... looks like you put alot of thought into the piece

that's possibly some of the best writing i've seen on RB. it's pretty obvious it came from personal experience. that was really amazing.

damn...I felt this, but theres a lot of room for improvement.
The emotion was good, because there was a lot behind this.
Some of the rhymes seemed forced, like you weren't even trying to find a better word, just writing a line that would go with the easier word.
You need to up your vocab. This had a good message, and some decent imagery, but i used the simplest words possible.
Your flow was way off...if you try to use syllables to make flow, it can help, but it doesn't always work. Just check if the words will go with a beat.
Not bad dude, once again, great emotion.
Peace

GREAT!, very well written, I loved this one

^ Yea this is one of my older pieces. When i was just trying to get the hang of it all. My newer stuff works better with the flow and all. Thanks for your thoughts these are the kinds I like to get cause they can help me alot more.