round 2 Eviley vs varentao
 

Alright--same rules 10 min 20 max---

Due.. Wed.......
Topic.....A clock...a bed--a window--"a human"............Time-----

Good luck with this one---please use some sort of symbolism for each word i used.....the main factors should be the things above

-1-

i'm in.............quite difficult but i will thinkof something

er...yeah, sounds 'interesting'..(!)....

Just gonna say Deacon, i'm gonna be busy for a while...so is there any chance you could extend the deadline. Like till the end of next saturday. Cos then i'll have a day to properly do it. You know, do a couple of quick drafts on a weekday (10 mins on weekdays, and only 2 days free for that too..)...and then a day to just do it up properly.

alright deadlines are changed for sat..

-1-

aight cool

very good topic....
this is when both should came strong...this kind of topic would make a very good masterpiece....

ill be round here waitin to read ur poems...

u can do it guys! good luck!

could i ask why mine and
tik's competition is closed...
let me know...consider this
the check in...

^^Tis now open, Sand...

And Shiznit, with it being so no specific, it makes it both harder ad easier...

...and thanks for the added pressure...(!)..

..well i guess i should start now. But, er...i'll stick to me tournament thing of doing it on my way home late at night...er..yeah..

i am ready to post........whenever you are Verentao

What the frig?! I've just started tonight, for like 30mins, and i only done my first stanza, which io probably wont keep!!..

Be patient, got till end of Saturday..

i know just let me know i get anxious that's all

Heh, no problem...i'll probably leave finish it in the last minutes of Saturday...but yeah, i'll post first...i'll hit you up on PM if you want...to tell you i posted...

aight cool

I would say it's an unusual thing, but it aint. I was working on another piece, when all of a sudden, this one just came out...

...so THIS piece i will drop now. And if/when i complete the other piece, i will decide whether i want to keep this piece up, or put up the other piece.

But as said, this jsur came out. And i felt it so damn suitable...well it's late, so i'm off in a bit...

here it is..(sorry for the crypticism, but then again, that's just the way it is...er...nearly always..!!.)..

PIECE DELETED FOR ORIGINAL ONE

--------------------------------

Okay, so completed the one i was working on originally.

Now i've always said that no piece i write (apart from two before THE 'tragedy' and 'blockage'...) is complete, and probably will never be. Certainly is th case with this one. I mean it's complete in many contexts, but in the sense of the writer, would probably ammend bits here and there in the months, years to come..anyway, just thought i'd say that...

Here it is..



Upon a cold moist sill of rotting wood
I lay to rest my bare sleeping arms
All hot from hellish dreams of inner malign
Blanket lies motionless on hard carpet floor

Through this battered window i wearily gaze
Searching for sweet light amid the glaring pain
To drive’s edge walks this person well dressed
Where sits lonely tramp coughing into his booze

So insane this rage that becomes centre stage
From mere being it erupted in violent bursts
With every tick a kick to the sound of tock
Bottle broken as blood pours slowly draining..

Neither man nor woman but ghastly beast
To let wreak such darkness upon poor souls
Yet blind behind the web of deception we bind
Too much i know that i cannot quite touch

Time slowly fades as i lay here wasting
Truth comes ever clearer as cracks appear
Whispers resound asking of these dark visions
I cry the horror, the humanity, the HUMAN...

nice very nice....here is mine....


eternity in heaven

a soul less human nothing but a stone i lay here
my windows not blinking they just stare
at the light of christ and air
slowly feel life releaseing
and heartbeat ceaseing
not caring is increaseing
my eyes are tired but my mind enrages
i stare at the clock that never changes
i lay here lifeless
on my eternal bed i call my coffin
time happens around me but
i rest here and watch them
i feel trapped not able to leave
i was in a church not able to breath
i feel my soul release
and everyone around me is crying
i scream i am alive i'm not dieing
i did not leave the world of the living
trying to wipe the tears off my mothers face
but i go right through her like it was nothing but open space
i thought i was alive but that was not the case
i was shot and killed buried on the third day
i walk into the light and i see heavens doors of eternity
for i am gone from all loves humanity
at first i thought it was insanity
but i am gone from this world
gone from my family
i may be gone in presence but i havent left life
cause i watch you from the clouds and stars for all of time
cause i remain in memory and your in mine...

nice, very nice...


Deacon - I'll probably complete my original one by end of Saturday (which i believe is deadline anyway). So don't judge the one i posted already. Cos i think i'm gonna post up the original one i was working on. This one is here just in case.

Just thought i'd tell ya..

Yep, finished it with a bit of time to spare...

So the piece i put up first has been taken down, and my original one put up. So take no notice of the first one.

ummm are you going to judge this

who? Moi? Why non! *sighs*...sorry..

But nah, i think you got to give him a bit of time. Can't expect him to get right into it. Leave it for a couple of days...

Alright im judging it tonight no worries Deacon is always on the ball...

-1--

haha i know i was kidding.....

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judging it tonight...as in, yesterday night? heh. Im sure by "tonight" you really meant.."tomorrow night"..which is tonight..ummm yeah.

.

lol
very confusing what you said Dagyrlremarqabl......
i had to read that shit twice.......

Aye.

YOu see, he was in a rush. So he used an abbreviation.

Tonight was actually like this. To was abbreviated from tomorrow. And night of course, meant night.

There's a revolution going on in the English language, Deacon being one of it's esteemed leaders, like..

Alright LOL i know. This week has been busy because i had some maddd work to do. heres the judging

-1-

varentao:

You know i really enjoyed this piece. It was very original and had some rather horrid/sadly true imagry. i have had dreams very similar to this piece or atleast parts of this piece. I think the scariest part about it is the transaction in the second stanza where beauty meets the beast. I wish i could go on about this piece but i must say im in a slight hurry... I think the piece represents much of humanity and the typical life style/thoughts most go through.
Im going to give this piece an 8.5 great imagry/great originality with the direction

Eviley:

Great start Eviley i must say your words were enlightening. The direction you took with this topic was really what i thought one would typically go with. i loved the way you expressed the leaving of the characters soul.

"at the light of christ and air
slowly feel life releaseing
and heartbeat ceaseing"

"i feel my soul release
and everyone around me is crying
i scream i am alive i'm not dieing"

I loved this verse the most....I think many that have past would like to let there loved ones know that there is a new life for them after death...The only real flaw i see in it (the poem)which may not be a flaw at all is the way the character dies. I understand that it is not unreasonable, people are shot and killed every day.I just feel it is the typical escape one uses for death when writing a poem. This was a great piece and i think you have shown your talent. im giving you an 8

Final:varentao wins great job to the both of you this talent shall be recognized...As for the other poems ill be back to get those finished sorry this week is busy..

*dissapointed*...

..oh well, it's all good. Well written eviley. What else can i say...but it was a close one...

Oh, the piece is about how one..ach! Forget it. I don't think it appropriate to explain this one. Get ya shovels out n all that...

..resp...

goodjob varentao in the next round
it was a pleasure competing against
you...hope you get far
PZ

ya'll are weak

i want a fucking battle why is it so hard to get a battle on this site

lol idiots...

I'm hurting by those comments...no really, i am...*rolls eyes*..