sad story, (please read)
 

i gave you all you could need and all you could have
running away to see you and cummin home 2 my dad
gettin hit but thinkin of you it was worth it, and im glad
thinkin about u makes my chest hurt & makes me think sad
I could of cried till i died but ill held it all inside, for myself
sitting in my room holding that picture of u that lies on my shelf
everytime i think of you i feel a shiver go up my spine
then i think to myself........... David you will be fine
you used me as if i were a living soul dart board
my heart was the red in the middle & u hit me with every shot
i fought to be with you and struggled when it hurt to kiss you
now that its all over all i do now is miss you and want u here
but now im gonna live with fear of myself cuz i wont shed a tear
but now i want you to know...........the next shot you hear
was me. killing myself while lookin in a mirror with your picture

man that was felt, that was really felt

can i get some people to check this out
for me and post what yall think please
holla atcha

that shit was real deep i like it man, i know how u feel and the end line was pure dopetry many props and stay up, its a shame more people dont check the poetry forum. could u peep my piece passed rain? thanks man, 1luv.

ne1 wanna read this for me and tell me what
they think please

this man needs some people to check out his skill

dayum this pieace is.........deep

that drop was real deep, man were do peeps get these skillz

thanks ta both yall with ya feed back.............
yall jus gotta put ur all inta everything and
thats what you get is that kinda stufff i wrote
up there............................................. ..............
.................................................. .....................
tell me what you think people

yo i dig that, it's real. From the soul, that's how poetry should be, it's a prime example. keep it up

thanks to the people above//////////////////////////
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
more always needed and i would be pleased to
read what you think

That was tight. Emotionally shit is the only way to write nice work.

aight thank playa ^^^^^^^^^^
check this out for me people

Can i get some people to peep this for me

wow very touching
keep writing straight from the heart
I really felt this... really deep

How much of it is real. How can u read that and not feel the pain.

uppin............

thinkin about u makes my chest hurt & makes me think sad

~talents there but speak engish dammit~

you used me as if i were a living soul dart board

~a tad of imagery for a choppy flow~

my heart was the red in the middle & u hit me with every shot

~all of our hearts are red but I feel what your saying~

the next shot you hear was me. killing myself while lookin in a mirror with your picture

~your talented and the flows there but it lacks imagery and you
need to cop an english book whenever you have some free time~

or listen to eyedea cause hes from Minnesota

something must be wrong I typed without caps

Please Be Respectable And Reply To Me And
Anyone Else Who Has Shown Interest In Your Work

Peace

~Content~ Con-tent

Say It With Me...I Know You Can

im not understanding your point completly
about speekin english and such................
Gimme an idea of a english book you are
speeking of so i can have somehtin in mind
thanks for your post, holla back

this was deep damn deep n u did a hell of a spit i think we will c some good stuff from u hell of a job

respect

Nice piece....

need some more advice in here

A true story (apart from the end of course)?

Either way, it was felt. It had a truth to it. A gritty, raw personal truth to it. The imagery was slightly lacking. I felt for what you were writing, ti could've been a bit better. Also seemed a bit cut off at certain parts. Like it was made up of emotional bursts and put together. Not as flowing. But then again, that gave the piece a kind of un-cut and raw feel to it.

...resp...

What up yall, been gone a long time, jus gotta outta rehab and im better then ever, dunno if this poem is good like when i wrote
it, but let me know aight, and ill write some ones soon. Peace

congrats cuz, you gunna have ta call me up later aight boy, i member this thing from back in the day, holla son