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Survivor
TOPIC: Your on a plane to enjoy a vacation with your wife/girlfriend/fiancee. Your on your way to the Bahamas when the planes engines start smoking and the plane crashes. When you awake your the only one alive and your stuck on an island by yourself. What do you do? Progress...
Thunder crackled. .engine failed, we were going down I blacked out. Next thing i remember was coming round. . ...Gradually i stood. . my sickened stomach in knots Bodies scattered, shoulders hunched, w/ holes in their guts bones crushed beneath the wreckage, passengers neglected Most of them id never met and yet i felt strangely connected. Thoughts swept in my head as i bled, searched for survivors But all i found was despare and bodies piled cold and lifeless. My mind switched off as i turned over the body infront of me Only to uncover the Scolded Flesh on the Face Of my Family It got Harder To Breath as the Petrol Smoke Filled My Lungs Reality Sunk In, Chances are - only id Survived The Outcome. Try Picturing A Field Of Blood, Scattered w/ Shrapnel Shaves Bodies twisted out of shape and with no help of being saved. The only way id escape this Nightmare was a Rescue Service so i gathered various metals and wood to help aid my purpose. Hours passed as i worked spelling out "HELP" on the beach in letters 8 feet high . . hoping passing helicopters would see. Eventually i gave up hope, hours had passed but to no avail Darkness settled in, i was forced to spend the night in this hell. Hollow inside, i swallowed my pride and slept among the dead Mentality Broke. . i was too shook to Pay any sort of Respect. Broke into a cold sweat, isolated . . stomach on empty, yet... The only Sourse of Food available to me was human Flesh. Arms and legs lay motionless - a painted canvas of suffering Shivers of Hate, tears Wither and Fade into Pools of Nothing. Four days later. . So i Sit, Watch and Wait . . Staring At The Interface In a Shield of pain, hungry, vision faded, eyes glazed. Weaker by the Second, Dehidrated . . my Last Stand and what your reading are the words of a dieing man. . Peace! |
hay cam nice drop dogg lines flowed well, intresting concept, the story line was sum what unusal but i liked it, peep this dogg http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=66819
much apperatied Woosh |
^ Will Do. .
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yo nice shit
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^ carefull with the one word replies, Sand will bann you. .
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^ Thats Werd...
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bones crushed beneath the wreckage, passengers neglected
Most of them id never met and yet i felt strangely connected. Nice .. ^ Worded dope, i liked this .. it had some cool imagaries .. i felt like i was there .. ;) good job sweety .. multi's were pretty nice, vocab good .. and you stayed on the topic well, what else can i say .. you wrote a iLL open mic bro .. Good Job .. :) |
Gyeah! I Got Props From Mister Tone! Im Now Dope : )
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you captured an emotion that one can only assume was ging throught the minds of the individuals in that situaution that is real talent pa this was by far top notch wrk if you have time peep my drop ORDO ABACHO
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Damn you 28 views and 4 replies. .
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Uping so dao can reply : )
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Sorry i didnt reply sooner,
That was some dope shit you dropped there, Peace |
^ Cheers Bro. .
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this was a banger
9/10 keep it up |
ok, .. I thought it was good... personally topicals aren't my usual "cup of tea" or what have you, but this was a'ight.. I did like the really great imagery you used, I could almost smell the char'd flesh of my family (mmmmmm).. I didn't like the spelled help Idea, not very origional, you watched ummm, I forget the movie.. with tom hanks.. lol.. over all I'd say it was worth reading, but I've deffinately seen better from you.. check out my shit..
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^ RS Topical League, Its Not Something I Put A Lot Into, Its Something I had Like, 3 Days To Write To Their Topic, I Know Its Not My Best, But Its Good For What It was.
And The Movies Called "Cast-Away" : ) |
Shiznit's Thoughts:
VOCABULARY/WORDPLAY: >pretty impressive. The whole "terminology' was awesome. You've chosen in depth words that mostly revealed the actual aspect of the whole piece. >metas thrown out... a couple of deep descriptive words here and there. props for that FLOW >it accompanied me smoothly as i read along the lines. Starting from the beginning until the end the stuffed much enhanced rhyme scheme was good. It fitted the whole verse all throught out. nice job! CONTENT >now thats what u can call an "imagery masterpiece". Its like its all there. The massive cryptic descriptive in tact of this piece echoed upon some kind of images inside my head...its quite brilliant! "Try Picturing A Field Of Blood, Scattered w/ Shrapnel Shaves Bodies twisted out of shape and with no help of being saved." ^^see what i mean.. These words explained everything. That it was well thought out and when u read it..its as if ur actually there and seeing all those images and on my opinion at some level of grossness. hehe.. >The emotions was all felt throughtout the piece. This made me think of the book i read.."Lord of the Flies"...its just about a bunch of kids got stuck in an island caused of a plane crash. It was very interesting...and as i read it...i thought of saving private ryan..just cause of the images on my mind ya know... OVERALL.. >brilliant piece...the ending was swell..its good. It was worth reading. nice job! |
"cast away " that's the one.. lol...
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dis piece was illness, u used all the right words, words that paint a picture in ya head n suck ya into the verse, shit like this is hard to lay down, their is like 1 word between ok and brilliant u didnt use that word thus created a dope piece, i dont think this is a worse piece then ya useal just differant then ur other shit, u pulled it off.
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^ You dumb fuck, thats mine and phrantiks joint alias at RnR, lmao!
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illerthanyall: you knew i was Mr Nobody @ RnR, right?
Pullin The Pen: yes iller than yall: good iller than yall: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...15&pagenumber=2 iller than yall: can you go confirm i wrote that? iller than yall: their sure i bit it Pullin The Pen: as9t'ayp3w4irag iller than yall: lol Pullin The Pen: copy my text cuz my fuckin' explorer is froze because ive been being sent links for the past 25 minutes and i keep clicking on them iller than yall: ok Pullin The Pen: Mr. Nobody Is Camarac. This Piece Isn't Bitten. This Is Salvation. Trust Me. You Little Chuckle Fucks. I'll Gut Your Mother And Wear Her Skin As A Mask. HE DIDNT FUCKIN BITE THIS MORONS. iller than yall: lmao iller than yall: cheers sal And to prove it to you moron that you are, here's the original from, the actual topical league i wrote it for: http://www.rapspits.com/forums/show...=&threadid=1357 Now what? Moron. . |
If it's your joint alias, you wouldn't mind telling me what name it was before that......
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And anyway, Camarac, you're a known biter.
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Before Mr. Nobody?
Fundamentals, Linguistics, Insert Ill Name Here, MC Trigga ^ Thats who gave me and Phrantik the name. And FYI, that kid Camarac took my name, it wasnt me. Believe me now that i wrote that? |
Yo, I made a mistake this time..
..But you have been known to bite, and you have been caught on many occasions. |
^ I told you i wrote this. .
And by the way, that other kid isnt me, he just took my name - seriously. Good try though, Ninjetik ; ) |
who is this fellow? and what does he speak of?
I am confused. this piece reminded me of that soccer team that got trapped in the mountains and had to eat their goalie....yup, netkeeper anus! good work cam, really captured the disgustosity of it all. thats werd, nucca! |
I'm not Ninjetik.
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^ Ehhh, I Could Care Less, Lol.
Would You Mind Leaving Feedback If Your Gonna Reply At Least? |
Shit was nice... I loved some of the lines in this verse like...
'bones crushed beneath the wreckage, passengers neglected Most of them id never met and yet i felt strangely connected' keep spittin'... peace... |
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