-Rotary Heart-
 

How does one really define sadness..in a manner so truly sincere..?
By measure of all of one's the recently had-stress..or sobbing and shedding a tear?
One thing clear, it's a cycle, a rotary heart: where emotions switch off and take turn..
Like sun after any rain, joy after any pain is soon to make its return..
So we've learned.......

A weight on my heart, strategically placed, so it seems to have stopped it from beating..
With my core growing sore, too hurtful to ignore, sometimes its a struggle just breathing.
Such an overwhelming feeling, showing no signs of healing, seemingly an everlasting suffer..
So extremely detrimental, not just to my mental; everyday things increasingly get tougher.
I try to stay sleeping as late as I can, for then i'm unconscious to despair..
unaware, of your absence, still stuck in a dream..at least I can see your face there.
For when Im awake, every scene causes ache, and fore holds some long lost sentiment..
which reminds me of you, and the love i once knew, and erodes my heart like sediment.
But the nights are the worst, for there in the darkness, your missing is made the most evident..
I think of where you are, but more so where you aren't, and it only inclines my impediment.
and tears fall until ive unknowingly drifted to a state of solemn full slumber..
wet tissues in hand, and issues at grand, i awake to a heart even number.
And in the quiet of the eve, i silently grieve; fight to keep my deep cries under wraps..
But alone, and unknown, I dont quiet my hearts tone; unrestrained, I've even collapsed,
dropping everything, falling in the middle of the floor, to bawl like a child in a tantrum..
Letting all that I'm feeling release then and there; the screaming and sobbing, my anthem.
From a place deep inside, a million tears cried, all the heartache that I had concealed,
so abruptly revealed that a soundproof booth, sealed, could no sooner my deafening sobs shield.
Almost wishing you removed of my memory and heart, but i know soon enough i'd regret to..
But I cant help but think how easily i'd forget you, or unmiss you.. if i'd never met you........

One thing clear, it's a cycle, a rotary heart: where emotions switch off and take turn,
Like sun after any rain, joy after any pain is soon to make its return.
But its been raining a while now, and still my Sun isnt near,
Thus i fear, that my happiness will not reapper..and my symptoms are much more severe..
I suffer from something far more intense, which causes, inside me, this burning..
For something so vital has escaped my grasp, and indeed may not be returning..
.
.
.
The loss of a soul mate, a best friend, a lover..
A sadness with a cure i've yet to uncover.



©2003 DaGyrlRemarqabL
All rights reserved.


Ah..easily one of the least favorite pieces I've ever written..maybe because i was so extremely miserable when I wrote it. More for therapy than anything else....Thanks to anyone who took the time....

nice shit I liked ur flow

can u return the favour and vote on my battle, thanks

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=70110

~Breakdown Of Content..Make Me A Mod Comittee~


"I Think Its A Ghost..Cant Believe It"

How does one really define sadness..in a manner so truly sincere..?By measure of all of one's the recently had-stress..or sobbing and shedding a tear?One thing clear, it's a cycle, a rotary heart: where emotions switch off and take turn..Like sun after any rain, joy after any pain is soon to make its return.. So we've learned.......

~Enticing..Not Riding Either...Reader Friendly..Real As Well~

But the nights are the worst, for there in the darkness, your missing is made the most evident..I think of where you are, but more so where you aren't, and it only inclines my impediment.

~This Is Too True...But The Streets Not One Way And
You Need To Watch Cars That Tend To Follow~

~so abruptly revealed that a soundproof booth, sealed, could no sooner my deafening sobs shield~

Im Honest..It Dosent Seem Like It Fits With The Line Prior
To It But Im not Hearing This Either..Non The Less Its All Good

Well Everyone Deserseves Someone And Your Someone
Will Arrive In Due Time On A Personal Note...Least Expected

As For The...Content Of This Piece the Flow Was..
Remarkable..Lack Of Other Words....On Point
Mature Respectable...Outpouring Emotionally

Well Done Hands Down. Make Me A Mod Fpr
Poetic Scriptures..Not Many Reply To Mostly
Everything With An Open Minded Perspective
On Life As We Attempt To Live It....

Possible Collaboration? ~Conflo1801~

What favor?
You did me a favor?? really?! what is it?
Its not that reply, thats for damn sure.

Thanks for your thoughts content.

Gyrl, It's like I want to apologize for you feelin like that~ it was amazingly written, but I'm sorry you had to write it naimeen~

*I try to stay sleeping as late as I can, for then i'm unconscious to despair..
unaware, of your absence, still stuck in a dream..at least I can see your face there.*

--That was one of the realest lines....i love it


*dropping everything, falling in the middle of the floor, to bawl like a child in a tantrum..
Letting all that I'm feeling release then and there; the screaming and sobbing, my anthem.*

--callin it your anthem jus showed how serious it was...at least to me...

what more to say..

^Thank you. I appreciate it

I'm glad you decided to keep dropping even though that biting thing went on. Since this one is good, and a prime target for biters, I'll keep a lookout for it on the other boards I read from ;)

This reply probably won't be as long as the others I've given. What else can I say about how you write that hasn't already been said by me or someone else? Ok, here goes..

The stuff I've been reading lately, it seems like people are trying to make what they write so complicated. They try to get so many syllables and huge words into a writing that they lose sight of what they are writing about. You never do any of that. You stay on topic with everything really well. It's always easy to follow what you're saying. Especially with this you wrote here. This one had a lot more emotion put into it than the others I read of yours. You really described how bad you felt throughout the whole thing.

"And in the quiet of the eve, i silently grieve; fight to keep my deep cries under wraps..
But alone, and unknown, I dont quiet my hearts tone; unrestrained, I've even collapsed,
dropping everything, falling in the middle of the floor, to bawl like a child in a tantrum..
Letting all that I'm feeling release then and there; the screaming and sobbing, my anthem."

"Almost wishing you removed of my memory and heart, but i know soon enough i'd regret to..
But I cant help but think how easily i'd forget you, or unmiss you.. if i'd never met you........"

Those are the lines I really liked. I felt the second quote a little too much. So instead of making this one really long I'll just leave it at that. Keep posting.

Thaaaaanks legendary..nothin but love.

Nice Shit Yo...

^Thank you

Certainly nothing but love.

Y'know when other people write their poetry and I read it, I read it like it's a painting. I can look at it, even understand it, and appreciate the work a person put into it. I can find the parts that really shine and the parts that really need work.

But you tend to go beyond that. Because more often then not when I read others poetry, it doesn't touch me. It's like my heart is trapped in concrete and while I can appreciate poetry I can't feel it. But you tend to write differently, because when I read your stuff I can actually feel it.

I dunno if I feel all the emotions you've put into this peice, or even if I felt the right ones. Like the beginning and the end, I didn't feel anything when I read it. But the middle part, it was like someone broke a dam and all the water came rushing out.

It's hard to explain, it's like words don't have any real meaning until you've written it down.

I mean seriously, if you had an entire book of poetry, I'd honestly try and read it cover to cover in one sitting if I could. I mean you should be a poet laurete.

Anyway, this has been my attempt at showing you that you are better then you think you are. (That, or it's that time of the month and I'm just overly emotional. Which is really weird cause I'm a guy and all.)

~Shalom~

The loss of a soul mate, a best friend, a lover..
A sadness with a cure i've yet to uncover.

^^Those cemented in your other words. Actually, more so my own thoughts and emotions (but then again, not really cemented, just some more hard 'knocks'..). But seriously, the body of the piece built up a basic picture. But those last two lines just made the other parts kind of obsolete to me (in a personal way).

Felt hard and deep.

..resp...

Thank you Varentao..I always am grateful for your insight..

and Necro..
THANKYOU so much for the generous comments..
You just dont know how much it means to me.
And just for that comment about the book reading:



I will dedicate my first book of Poetry to you.
And I WILL have one.
So keep an eye out:whacky:
THANK YOU guys.

^ Damn, was expecting a different response than that.. =/

there was so much to this that i loved...i loved the internals and the whole flow of this poem...must of all it was a deep beautiful piece but not dun in the same ol same ol bullshit way if u get me...lol..i cant think of ne thin negative so ill show u 2 me what stood out...

But the nights are the worst, for there in the darkness, your missing is made the most evident..
I think of where you are, but more so where you aren't, and it only inclines my impediment.

and tears fall until ive unknowingly drifted to a state of solemn full slumber..
wet tissues in hand, and issues at grand, i awake to a heart even number.

Almost wishing you removed of my memory and heart, but i know soon enough i'd regret to..
But I cant help but think how easily i'd forget you, or unmiss you.. if i'd never met you........

and i feel this poem could relate to anything....like a friend partner or family in so many ways theyve let u down or gone.....it had alot of true and good meanings...loved it :)

1

^Wow, Stem, Thanks so much for the reply. Thats 5 minutes of your life you can never get back, and you spent it replying to lil ol' me. thank you. I take every comment to heart.


The End...


Your name's Michael right? Can i Call you Mikey?

^Dagyrl been smokin that la la la...

No, I am not named Michael.

BRANDON..my bad..I dont know where Michael came from.
I won't ask if I can call you Brandy...

mike is the other admin. :)
-will edit with a big elaborated response when
i get home.. im at my friends now. good peice tho-

Wow, your work is amazing. It melliflously rolls of my toungue, incredible. I can relate to the piece in major way's. I do enjoy your complexity, the imagery is very vivid and the flow...Melliflouse. You are a very gifted person, I hope to learn much from you... Congrats on the poetry tourney, you really desrve it. I wish you the best of luck in every aspect of your writting... Much respect and God Bless

aww, thank you bounce. That brought a tear to my eye. Thanks again.

woah. this was amazing. not only did your vocab
appeal to me, but your structure was so wonderful.
and the truth behind your writing, it would intrigue
everyone. your opener caught my attention and
held it as i continued.. i really did love this peice.
and i could feel your sorrow.. your choice of words,
probably wrote after a break up... or somethin around
that area of thought...

The loss of a soul mate, a best friend, a lover..
A sadness with a cure i've yet to uncover.

im sure everyone's felt a loss like this, and if they havent
they will... this truly captures everyones thoughts on a
matter like this and words it so perfectly.

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
Thank you Tikki. I appreciate the comments.
And tho "breakup" was an appropriate guess, I actually didnt write it about that..He didnt break up with me, and he didnt die..He's just gone, which is why I had a hard time "defining" the sadness in the opening part.

Thank you tho. *muah*

clean piece girl, heart felt, deep emotion, that cure ive yet to find as well,keep ya head up and keep writin, tha only cure is time from what ive been told but that sucks,peace out boo.

Once Again Much Props Fo The Tourney You Did Your Thing
Like No Other Champ..Queen...Watever You Go By These
Days Double G...I Spoke With Messiah..Any Relation?

He Looked At What I Had But Was Drunk
Could You Look At My Thread Titled ~Represent~
And Let mMe Know What You Think..
It Flows Fast To All The Commas

Hopefully Another Tournament Can Get Going
Cause Varento Well Deserving Of A Break..
Hopefully Sand And You Will Be Back Around
The Block Again...Much Props And Respect

Peace

Ay, Diverse, thanks so much for your input.

~Content..Thanks for the accolades, your thread will be the next one I reply to..and um, did you ask if i was related to Messiah? lol, no I'm not but I have mad love for him.

heh, "Double G"..I like that..
About the next poetry tourny..I been thinkin maybe I should maybe give someone else a chance to win ;) n maybe be a judge or something this time, if possible..Ive never done that and would like to one of these days.
so yeah..Thanks for uppin my thread, too.
pz

^ Still can't believe you got my name wrong.. *sigh*

Awwww, hahah.
Im sorry!! I was young and stupid back then!!
No but seriously, Im sorry, it wont happen again..your persona is getting deeper etched into my mind..BRANDON. ;)

^'n for anymore replies...

^ In other words... "UPPIN" right? lol

...

Just letting y'know I read this peice again. I still felt it.

BTW, I'd rather instead of simply dedicating a book to me, that you'd do something a bit more humbling and just cut me in on the profits.

Um... nevermind. Sorry about that last comment, it's just the Ferangi in me coming out.

Shi... sorry about THAT last comment. Just the nerd Trekkie in me coming out, assuming y'don't even know what a Ferangi is.

Okay... sorry about -THAT- last comment. I'm just trying to be funny but I'm an idiot.

*Slaps forehead over and over saying "When will I learn women don't understand anything whatsoever about Star Trek at all what with them inherintly not being involved in anything to which lonely desperate and lifeless nerds would show any semblence of interest? And when will I say something that makes sense?"*

haha. Im only 23 days late ^reading that reply.
Thanks again Necro. Youre one of a kind....lol.

Im saddened and the thought of this piece is enough to make a suicidal person finally go through with their various self threats…..gege this was a horrible piece…..and you kno what I mean by that….damn it kinda leaves my mouth in awe at the fact that theses are your true feelings your true emotions and the state of mind you were in when you wrote this is saddening….you kno people always say *I kno how you feel* and unless you’ve been through the same exact thing I MEAN TO THE TEE then you have no idea and even if you can relate im sure its not to the same level…your opening line was key to your piece (as usual) gege….im truly saddened by this piece and if by any chance I knew you as a good friend in real life I would have spent as muc h time as necessary baking you cookies and writing smiley faces on everything you owned…to try and break your mind state…………….wonderful again gege

Wait a minute...You said it was wonderful and horrible all in the same paragraph..Make up your mind..lol..

And its not about a suicidal person. Not literally anyway. They arent sitting there slitting their wrists or anything. There's a lot of symbolism. Its about a friend of mine who does drugs and messes up his life for no good reason and will not stop for anything. Ive done all I can to help him, but like the piece says, No one can help him if hes not willing to help himself. Ive hurt myself and hes hurt me very much in the process, thats why this piece had such a harsh tone. As much as Ive tried to be a good influence on him, he doesnt appreciate it, and he DOENST WANT IT, at that. So I gave up. And now I just have to hope all my screaming at him will flick on a light bulb in his head some day before its too late. and ta-da. there you have the piece.
Sorry if you didnt like it girl. Thats just the way it is.
Thanks for the reply!