To A Friend
 

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...0098#post680098
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...0104#post680104

Angels of twiligt coming down to rest upon my acking soul/
Words dancing like pixies through the unlite night/
As I sit wondering and pondering over life's greatest mysteries/
Confused as to what ails me and what brings me down/
Exchanging words which bandage broken hearts that have been shattered/
Then exploding into the mellenia being absorbed into the stars/
When I turn my back your there, when i enter that dark ally i know itll be fine/
With jig sawed emotions fitting into oddly shaped holes comfort is needed/
Someone to talk with and work over problems, the double edged sword raises nobility/
Honor in the eyes of the beholder, you give an you shall get/
You think at times that a smile is worth more then money/
It becomes obvious how much verbal comfort sooths/
Gaining so much from simple phrases, sayin obsolete phrases/
Over said over use, something from a soap, but you gain from tryin to help/
Realization of helping others truely does make you happy/
And when your poor phrases mean nothing they act as if they are cast in gold/
Golden phrases wafting through crimson skies, with tearstreeked cheeks/
Crimson skies indicating a qiuet end, loss in thought, and piece of mind/
Brining a smile to my face with simple words that really mean more then the eye could tell/

aigh nice drop my man so far i have like all ur pieces i have read


FLOW
it was good had nice structure kinda skipped out in one place but u recovered it quickly had flow from line ta line but the line its self didnt flow all the time

VOCAB/WORDPLAY ur voocab was eexcellent u used complicated words in place of simple words to give it not only character but also complexityther was some inline flow but it was mostly line to line which is cool

TOPIC
it was a good topic used alot but u pulled it threw and made the piece your own u got it across clearly but didnt over kill it, it also had nice form

CRITISIM
i really don have much to say here but next time when u drop try and make it ryme/flow within a line and tha it goes along with the next one and member alweays not to stary off the topic that u lines make sense when they all to gether (not tha u did jus a reminder)

OVERALL
8/10



...resp...

werd man thnx for the awsome feed.....

topic- yup your right over used, but i wanted to let her know she was important to me

rhyme- this is funny cuz i rememba on my first board i was criticized for having rhyme....so i wrote like i do now.....but ill see what comes up

thnx for the feed

to start off i'll say i like this poem. i appreciate this poem, this poem must be made. However this topic has been slain beyond buffy's wildest imagination. lol I really liked this piece but my only critisism is that i only saw words,i may be alone on this one but i didnt really feel the effort and the work and the emotion it felt almost forced at times and golden at others, my favorite line was "Golden phrases wafting through crimson skies, with tearstreeked cheeks/" that line i felt, i didnt have much probs with the flow to be honest. Another thing if u prefer not rhyming or it feels better wut have u, then do u and dont let niggas knock ur hustle im feelin your style u definitely showin that u can right and if u have more consistency to bring emotion like in the above line your poems will be works of art to even the most spiteful hater, many props, 1luv.

lol harsh but thnx

yea joker i c wha ya mean wha i said was jus me don do it bad advice on my part keep doin wha u doin my bad


...resp...

naw man ya siad what you thought an thaz wha your suposed to do....its just another style of writin is all

up

Sup Joka..
I just wanted to say I was feelin this piece and i thought it showed madd potential on your behalf..You really came with the imagery and the almost perfect choice of words, with a great twist of concept, really just came out nice, I thought.

>Crimson skies indicating a qiuet end, loss in thought, and piece of mind/
Brining a smile to my face with simple words that really mean more then the eye could tell/

Kind of moving actually.
Nicely written, I thought it was great.
Stay up n keep elevatin. pz.

thnx a lot

iz coo to hear i got potential from the current leda LoL

I was really feelin this one especially the last line. Keep droppin!i would appreciate it u could gimmie sum feedback on my pieces thanx! La8 im out ~1~
~Pz~

thnx for the feed

come on i only got 4 responses to this :(

Wonderful Display Of Imagery And Vocabulary
Throughout...Nothing Bad to Critique Here
Enjoy The Tournament You Should Go
Pretty Far Into It And Elevate As Well

People From Pennsylvania Can Rhyme!

Peace

~Content~

The 'varying' imagery really got me into this piece. You wrote with a real interchaning simple-complex dexterity. Which though at times flowed akwardly, overall churned out into something very very nice. Something that is most definetly appreciated.

...resp...

thnx for the feed all

uppin for more

CLOSED for now. Read other thread for reasons.

Up you go, lil' one....

up?