Heart to the Pen... first song ever
 

aight this is really my first time putting effort into recording an actual song. I really needed to release a lot of stress bottled up inside so I put this together. hope yall like it.

Heart to the Pen

Hi Fi

Lo Fi

And make sure you look for the collab cd comin out on Sept. 9th (peep the sig)

-1-

^Good , Good , Very Good Shit. Props !

errr this was solid. There is something I'm not liking about your delivery; maybe it's your accent. Chorus is subpar. Another thing your rhyme scheme could be better. All together this wasn't all that bad solid like I said. It had some flaws but we all have flaws.

Later

aight thanks for the feedback. what didnt u like about the chorus? thats the first one ive ever put together so i need pointers. sorry cant do anything about my baltimore accent. thats all me lol

-1-

The chorus was lackluster because it was like when you was saying it it sounded like you were falling asleep or really wasn't into it.

very good i daint think the accent made a diff

quality is pretty nice.........beat is coo....... nice simple flow over it........im feelin..........flow is pretty nice, some times it sound a lil choppy rather then smooth.... but still on point....the hook need more emotion........its gotta be the climax of a track.....other then that, this a nice lil track..........didnt like the hook, but it aint dead the audio or nothin.........coo shit

im feelin this beat.. and the intro.. kickoff to the verse was nice but for some reason your voice dropped.. could use some amplification.. like the lyrics tho.. good quality.. the hook is decent.. so tru too.. nice topic, nice drop keep it up

werd... im gonna redo the hook cus no one likes it. i liked it but thats just cus it was the first one ive done and it turned out listenable. maybe i really shouldnt try to sing lol. does anyone else think the vocals are too low? cus i thought they were too high and i turned them down.

thanks for the feedback

tight/ now da hook was alright if you said it wit more feeling like you did ya rap other than that i liked it

fuck you fuck you ill kill you uhhhh sorry where did dat come from
forgive me im still fighting my demons.... fuck everithing i hated it..shut up say ya sorry .. no uhhh hey where am i???

^^^lol this guys a character. "fighting my demons" lmao

nice shit dog, put alot more emotion into it tho, keep workin dog, nice for the first drop, keep workin on vocab too, dont go crazy and use words that u kno lol but just increase the vocab level a bit, nice hook just gotta fix it a lil.

werd... thanks for the feedback. i try to switch my flow up. thats just my style. and yea that sol fa sho. i love that beat.

your accent...and non emotion....

work on the annunciation and delivery....

1

this was good...show just a little more emotion, cuz at times, youw as sounding like you was just reading your lyrics out of a paper and just flowing it straight through you know what i mean??...hook was good, delivery was good, lyrics were on point, and production was definitely good....overall i was kinda feelin this track right here....keep doing your thing splitviticus....OnE







I'm Ghost...

werd you got me. i didnt have the verses memorized. i spit str8 off the paper. im gonna redo it now that i have it memorized.

i spit off the paper alot now.....

when i started it was all off the paper, no emotion...sounded like i was reading.....then i figured id start memorizing..and the emotion got better..but fuck...i didnt feel like writing..then trying to memorize my shit in order to spit it.....so i started spittin off the paper again...alot of cats spit off the paper...

u just gotta try not to be READING off the paper...ull get it with time

1

^I Read Off The Paper..


This Was Nice, Yeah, A Little More Emotion Would Be Nice .. But Other Then That You're Flow Is Pretty Solid, Delivery Good, Content Nice. . Overall Good.

This Was Nice, Yeah, A Little More Emotion Would Be Nice .. But Other Then That You're Flow Is Pretty Solid, Delivery Good, Content Nice. . Overall Good.





tru..........

thats what i said jae...lol

i meant u gotta try not SOUNDING like you are reading off the paper...

1

aight i revised the song a little. i redid the hook and put adlibs. i think it helps a lot.

uppin

i thought it was dope...i loved the topic and what the rap was about...beat was ill, delivery was solid.... id give it 8/10

dis is really good dawg for ur first song i loved it....beat was very good..lyrics i like..everything pretti much...sounds like you been doing dis fo ages g lol....props to ya i really liked it :)

Pz

yeh dawg, this was sweet for your first song, looking forward to hearing more from ya.

Nice drop spliv, I like your style. I had everyone at the pad feeling this, so ya gots some fans and respect from out here in Los Angeles. Keep doing the damn thing.. I look forward to elevatng to a level that you are already at. Much respect...Bounce...

it wouldnt even say his accent, guys ..

his vocals just aint high enough, and your adlibs are way too loud, buddy .. there just as loud as the regular vocal track, they should be 1/2 at max ...

put a tad bit more emotion into this .. felt the song in and out, though .. you just need work on a few things .. i see alot of potential ...

well worth listening ... by the way ... what beat is that? who made it? that shit is illllll as fuck ..

stay up kid, if you got a chance peep this:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=78269

shit was well worth listening to ..

stay up1

^yup the addlibs are high. i went back and did that cus i didnt spit with enough emotion. the addlibs help a lot. i think i'll do much better on the next one. thanks for the feedback.

btw that beat is a Soleternity beat called "After The Rain"

and I already peeped your track. it was hot.

ill shit kid

Hey... nice... you pretty dope. Note* spittin off paper has its drawbacks.... but when u get good at it i guess u cant really tell.
anyways u just need to work on um.. emotion. lyrics were nice and simple.

is your mixtape going on sell in record stores? or on the net?

its bein sold mostly locally at shows. it will probably go onsale in my local record and tape traders. but its really small time. I'm just startin out. itll be sold on the net too. its not comin out tomorrow tho. im runnin about 2 weeks behind but im tryin to get it out by next weekend. I'll be posting a thread when it's on sale with sample tracks and stuff like that.

coo. cuz im starting one to... legalities is slowing me down.. but i should have all that done at the end of the week. but yea imma be gettin some artist. i already got some in mind.. cuz LA been sleepin on underground artist.. its turnin into commercial city. so imma holla at u..

thanks for the feedback. uppin