Come at me...
 

So holla when you hear this....

When I flow, an audible verbal spike, it's through a mike,
It's not slow, maybe not what you like, so take a hike,
I real man pays his battle fees, and in a single breath could bring a room to it's knees,
So text emcees please, why don't you learn to rhyme without your keys,
Ill make you wheeze, cuz your not fit for for this spit fanatic,
Your lungs seize, you'll think this is it, my attacks asthmatic,
I'm really not sure, if I should infer, with lines internal,
What might occur, when you see but a blur, Im goin infernal,
My skills are eternal, try keepin abreast, with this man from the west,
Yo im checkin my journal, when put to the test, how many whack did i best?
So from coast to coast, the fingers must be burnin of the fools that i roast,
especially this forums host, who must think he's the toast for having the most posts,
K I've had my fun, and by the way ive never heard the term wordplay,
It's called a pun, and if may can i step to the mike and call you all gay,
That's it im spent, id be shocked to see that one of you wrote me,
Magnificent, its likely locked theres a much better chance ill see one of you quote me.

{Peace}

wack, wack, wack, wack,wack..................need to elavate, soon.............................................. ..................

yo you wanna collaborate? Shits ill, good vocab, rhyme scheme definitely off tha chain. exactly what i wanna hear. none of these e-rappers know how to rap. Keep droppin and you can be like me...

^^^^^^wtf??????/

wow this piece was like umm WACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKk elivate in every aspect

hahaha... i knew i would have some fool call wack cuz he knows it all speaks too true....

I need to "elevate"? Bullshit this tighter than most of the crap i see on this site... comeon if you're gonna criticize at least be constructive... shit if im supposeta get better than maybe you should be givin some insights....

BUT, what im thinkin is that you don't have any insights, you're just scared, and should be put on the moron list

{Peace}

aight the flow was so/so..... need to fix your syllabul count per line
the reason it was called whack is cause you didnt say anything worth taking a second look, no kinda word play... word choice was bad.. ie. you used simple 1-2 syllabul words
i hi by cry die scry....etc

the internals were there, but once again simple...
you have skill this site is the peak of elevation...
u might start on some other site... here your bench warming... feel me?

good drop kid, and this is constructive critisim...cool?

well first i have to say props for actually trying to be critical realist

next i have to say that syllable count is not a factor, you won't be able to read it that same way i will flow it.... sorry you can't hear me speed up for a mad flow flex...

maybe i will try a few longer rhymes but don't hate on

"fanatic, asthmatic" "internal, infernal, eternal"

by the way a rhyme can bridge more than one word for example:

"That's it im spent" to "Magnificent"

ya feel?

{Peace}

P.S.
they call whack because it's the only thing worth talking about on this site...

Work on complexity...

Try using some deeper meaning...
Also work on use of internals...

Vocab wasnt bad...
Flow was decent but fell off now and then...

Keep writing....
Elevation will come..

Peep
SS Verse: Starlight

Yeah this was a alright piece i thought, decent read, your vocab was alright, it flowed pretty decent through out the piece i thought, your content was pretty good, overall it was a alright piece, keep dropping.

So it seems i am right....of 36 views i get only a few stupid remarks and one actual feed... man i thought someone would rise...

oh welll... i guess it's due to give props to Keys/Vital for seeing where im going with this...

time for another drop:

Somebody must be belatin, cuz im still waitin for ya'll to start hatin,
Everybody must be debatin how to start imitatin what im demonstratin,
Pulled off without a hitch, what i be creatin should be making your fingers twitch,
For an effort that's last ditch, it's ok im educatin, stop whinin like a bitch,
Another point, why do think it's so fine to write lines full of pointless half rhymes,
You should appoint me as a ghost writer to outshine ya anytime,
My mike is my muscle and im always ready for violence in this a flex duel fool,
Did I hear the leaves rustle? I think it's sounds like silence musta killed your textual tool,
All I see is reliance on how many times one can get their name on this websites boards,
This is my defiance, to see how many rhymes you'll write before use your vocal chords,
Maybe you'll hate cuz im light on the posts, but do you get your street cred for having the most threads?
Baby that's not my fate and i don't mean to boast, but i get all my cred for hittin the most beds,
FLIP IT
Bridge City
unh unh unh
I spit my own sweat, aint bit best you bet, licks fit so don't fret,
Playa sit for this set, my wit gets fems wet, Im lit so you let,
me roll a fat flow, tha C to tha dizzo, unh hunh like Munroe,
Quik fists like Appollo, and that's the MO, So Welcom to the Show....

{Peace}

hahahaha i htink it was kinda wack but kinda good
n vidal wut r u talkin about keep elevatin n he'll become like u hahahaha ur wack too look at ur rekord.......did u look at it ...? Now ask urself who wants to be like u.....if thats the case i wouls rather be WACK hahaha

kinda wack but kinda good eh?

is everyone just afraid to give a feed on this?

50 views and still no frontin...ill take it yall took it to heart...

{Peace}

Masta C why do you always say the same thing? This is like the 100th post you've had that you said the same thing. Dude give some advice and at least take time to look at tha damn rap or is it you I should hit in tha nut sack? jk on that part, but seriously its kinda annoying how you just post the same thing over and over.

Nice beat Magnificent

{Love}

I'LL BRACK IT DOWN!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I flow, an audible verbal spike, it's through a mike,
It's not slow, maybe not what you like, so take a hike,
I real man pays his battle fees, and in a single breath could bring a room to it's knees,
So text emcees please, why don't you learn to rhyme without your keys,
Ill make you wheeze, cuz your not fit for for this spit fanatic,
Your lungs seize, you'll think this is it, my attacks asthmatic,
I'm really not sure, if I should infer, with lines internal,
What might occur, when you see but a blur, Im goin infernal,
My skills are eternal, try keepin abreast, with this man from the west,
Yo im checkin my journal, when put to the test, how many whack did i best?
^^ THIS was a strong start good vocab good flow
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So from coast to coast, the fingers must be burnin of the fools that i roast,
especially this forums host, who must think he's the toast for having the most posts,
K I've had my fun, and by the way ive never heard the term wordplay,
It's called a pun, and if may can i step to the mike and call you all gay,
^^^Lacked the intensity you started with and vocab dropped
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's it im spent, id be shocked to see that one of you wrote me,
Magnificent, its likely locked theres a much better chance ill see one of you quote me.
^^^Weak finish You just need to write more take a lil more time you have talent you just aren't putting it all together
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you wanted constructive critisism you got it son now peep my shit
~1~

AHA! somebody with a little bit of brain....

I feel this feed! man i knew that middle section needed tweakin... i done wrote this shit in 20 mins.... yes! I AM Vindicated!

oh and personally i thought the end was strong but it does have a difficult flow to read so im sure you think it didn't work... so no worries..

thnx

{Peace}

Is that it yall???

come on i peep EVERYBODY in open mic...

{Peace}

u tried to emphasize the endings of ur sentences a little 2 much. bout ur vocab is nice and ur lyrical context is straight just dont try to overhyme

thnx... i hear what you're sayin about the last word...

i kinda feel like that's the point...but...i read it again and i do understand...

one thing is It's nice the flow was so natural that even without hearing it you could tell where the emphasis is....i'll take that as a compliment....

{Peace}

it wasnt intresting to me... flow was alittle off and ive heard everything you said already ...

yea the wankstas on this forum have likely been called out a lot eh?

No doubt...

well keep feedin

{Peace}

its was aight.....a lil basic in most things,

mainly i feel you gotta tighten the structure i mean this won't flow well e.g:

When I flow, an audible verbal spike, it's through a mike,
It's not slow, maybe not what you like, so take a hike,
I real man pays his battle fees, and in a single breath could bring a room to it's knees,
So text emcees please, why don't you learn to rhyme without your keys,


or aswell if you made it more like this:

When I flow, an audible verbal spike.... it's through a mike,
It's not slow, maybe not what you like so.... take a hike,
real man pays his battle fees,single breath could bring rooms to knees,
text emcees please, why don't you rhyme without your keys,

even then its not as good as it could be....but its much better in my opinion and ... reflect a pause so even tho the lines are much different in size (couplets) you are showin its longer then the text...

just keep droppin...main thing...take the CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISCIM only tho....thats only way to elevate

ok i hear ya...i don't have any plans to really work this piece... im kinda bored with it... but i also should add that most times you should privy a man with knowing his own flow will work in some way or another... i mean we all speed up or draw out lines for effect but it is impossible to read that...

but ya keep feedin...

{Peace}