"Kyle"
 

"Kyle"

[VERSE 1]
This is about a boy named Kyle who wasn't cool
Never had a girlfriend and sucked at school
He was below average height and refused to fight
So he was an easy target to the bullies delight
He wore big glasses and was the top in all his classes
But his peers made more fun for ever course he passes
He was used as a source for hurtful words to deposit
He'd spend his whole noon hour in the janitor's closet
The pain he must of endured is hard just to imagine
Kyle wasn't happy and never put on a grin
What a life to tryin' live at such a young age
But he kept his feelin's inside along with his rage


[CHORUS]
Life can be cruel, when you're all alone
No one on your side, you're on your own
Just stay strong, and stand your ground
Don't give up on life, happiness is abound

{VERSE 2]
The atmosphere at home was quite much the same
Parents would abuse him daily and call him every name
One meal a day was all he'd be given to eat
The weekends he spend with grandma he considered to be a treat
And when grandma would ask what had caused his bruise
He'd say his laces were undone and he tripped over his shoes
Kyle was too scared to up and tell the truth
'Bout how his mom had hit him and knocked out his tooth
Or how his dad would squeeze him till he was out of breath
Just a few more seconds would have resulted in death
Everynight before goin' to sleep he'd say a little prayer
For to be released from that house and put in foster care

[CHORUS]
Life can be cruel, when you're all alone
No one on your side, you're on your own
Just stay strong, and stand your ground
Don't give up on life, happiness is abound

[VERSE 3]
Now Kyle was fed up and decided he had enough
Became depressed and would get made over small stuff
He made his way down the hall and into his parent's room
Knocked everything off the dresser, anger had consumed
He got down on the floor and reached under the bed
"Whats goin' on up there" is what his mother said
His hand stumbled acrossed somethin' small and cold
It was his dad's pistol that his hands now hold
Now Kyle's dad was careless and left the gun loaded
So when Kyle pulled the trigger a shot exploaded
His parents ran up stairs to see what was the commotion
And discovered Kyle on the floor, no movement or no motion

[CHORUS]
Life can be cruel, when you're all alone
No one on your side, you're on your own
Just stay strong, and stand your ground
Don't give up on life, happiness is abound

Dope work on vocab and metas

UPPIN!

Quit sleepin' y'all!

ill, good story, structure was tight, voocab was aiight, topic was tight, nice imagery, all in all i thought this piece was ill,keep droppin tha hotness.~1~

i didntt like this actually, storyline was there but it was really basic, transition needs a lot of work, a lot of your rhymiung was basic 1 and 2 syllable rhyming, the internals didnt work with this, structure was decent, but you worded the lines pretty poorly, and that seemed to throw the imagery off as i read it, lost my attention on a couple of occasions, thats down to bad writers voice, you didnt do the topic justice to be fair, i take it your new to topicxal / story telling pieces so i wont be too harsh on you

elevate.

all i got ta say is that's pretty damn good! ya had the whole story thing goin and it made sense. only thing wrong with it is (i thought) it was too short... i wanna see more of it!!! keep up the good work!

This song wasn't meant to be filled with 5 syllable words and all that. I just wanted to keep it basic and get my point acrossed. Ya feel me?

UPPIN 4 MO' FEEDBACK!

Topic was good... I liked this story... shit, honestly,
I went through the same shit when I was a kid... so this topic
definately hit hard... mad props...
I dunno if this was the feed you were looking for but I was
touched by this story... and I actually grabbed my step dads
.45 and pulled the trigger but the damned thing wasnt loaded...
its prolly a good thing though... Im glad your wrote this shit...
it was well explained, good content, you could have worded your
lines a lil better but your point came accross clear as glass....
MAD PROPS!!!!!!!!!

can ya check my thread.... its a collab by me and word~perfect.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=86862
~Ashy~

Thanks a lot dogg

aiyo... I just thought I'd tell ya that I'm nominating this shit
for the Top Ten Open Mics for October...
madd props again dawg.
~Ashy~

Thanks a lot dogg, it's appreciated.

How do you nominate it because I also would like too?

nice kid 8/10 word up

Thanks for the feedback

that shit was hot...the whole point of the story was well thought out and it made sence to read all the way through...you kept building it up until the end, which was good...good finishing line, summed it up and left no questions...very good work

keep it up

check out some of my shit "Figure me out" or "Too Easy"

thanks

1

Real Nice Homie...
Aint Gonna Get Into All Dese Details...
Good Imagery...
Nice Story Idea...
Nice Work...
Holla....

With a name like Kyle I understand him shotting himself, i seen so many of these "a nerd with a bitch name becoms anger and shots himself", but all around it was tight and kept my attention, nothing creative, since i knew it was going to happen, but interesting and well-done....

Good idea, played but good and you've got madd potential... just work on the art a little bit. Work on your mutlis and finding original ways to get your points acros..