Just me and a mic
 

I'm starin out to the sellout crowd.....wow/
They're shoutin my name out loud there aint no backin out now/
The only sound is their voices as the noise echoes around/
Look at this superstar status that I have found....it's unreal/
I signed the deal not knowin the nerves I would feel/
I'm feelin so sick....surely I aint about to throw up my last meal/
Time to say my ritual prayer....should I stand or kneel/
Any wounds I've got they about to heal as I trust the man up above/
The lights dim....I'm about to hit the stage....I cant go freezin up/
There I go I burst into view as the decabells pick up/
The crowd go wild surely I can't fuck up/
Fans faintin and cryin as they watch me tear my shit up infront of their eyes/
I've made it....I'm a star I aint carin bout the hows and whys/
I'm insultin everybody who hurt me or told me lies/
I sprint across the stage....I got so much freedom in my thighs/
This is the only time I feel truly alive....rockin the stage, million dollar deal, my sponsership from nike/
All because I love it when it's just me and a mic/.


This is by far my favourite open mic peice. It is only my third one ever. All feedback is greatly appreciated.

too much like 8-mile.... but nevertheless a good piece. I think alot of people in Open Mic recycle stories and ideas, it would be nice to see something different. but good write

Yo to be honest I didnt even think bout 8mile when I was writin this. I just went on my own dreams in life and stuff. But your right it is similar

I didn't think you did it intentionally, the problem is so many rappers have covered so much, it's hard to do something that hasn't been done already to some degree... but anyway I liked the piece, so fuck it

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Like he said it was a little like 8 Mile:

Strengths: You had a good solid flow to it.
You also had some pretty good meaning.

Weaknesses: Try to make the line even and multi a little bit more.

Advice: ^^ and try to pick a really cool topic, a really orginal one.

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To be honest, I liked "mom Im sorry" and your other open mic better - youve got talent for emotional shit and your heaps good at it. but dont get me wrong, this was a pretty good piece. The flow was good through the keystyle, except at the point you tried to add some multi's in when u kinda flowed off... dont worry about that it just needs practice... i didnt really like the subject matter, its been done before (8 mile style), but you dropped the topic at hand very well so that doesnt really matter... rhyme scheme was good... the only thing i wasnt feeling was vocab, but i listen to canibus, so i guess i just crave all that dictionary shit... keep writing LM... your showing potential in battles and open mic

7/10

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yea did sound 8mile but never da less i thought it wuz tite, no guns or nothin just u chasin ya dreams. 8/10

If /:Ayura:\ see's this then Pm me and empty your inbox

Ok, Im looking.

You flow really really well, a roll-out-da-cheeck style here. But your lacking multis, and internals etc. Its really important to make you shit complex as that brings out the true colours of your subject. And expansion of vocab may be needed. But as for the subject, you got your point across, lol I didnt think 8mile when reading this though.

^^I still cant reply to your Pm it's sayin your inbox is full. I'll try again later.
Thanks for the comment anyway. I'm workin on the vocab....I might just sit and read a dictionary (or maybe not).

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yo dawg ya really got some skills
but I must say that I liked ya otha pieces more
this kinda lacked the vocab, but was full of emotions on the otha hand.
Keep droppin and speakin str8 from ya heart

peace

Thanks for the comment

LM, I read your other two open mics, haven't replied yet, but they were dope (specially Mom, I'm Sorry). This one.. ehh.. the 8 Mile feel to it turned me off. Don't get me wrong, the flow was there and love knowing that the piece is easy to read by the flow, but jus the lack of everything else is what made this piece below average compared to your others.

Work On: Multi's, definately. Make ya shit more complex, make us think about it when we're readin, nawmean? Ya got the deep part down (as you showed in Mom, I'm Sorry), just get more complex on it.

Don't Change: The Flow. The Flow is, in a sense, Makin ya piece real good.

Keep Droppin.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=89235
How's bout droppin a reply to that aight? Thanks.

-Formula.

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Yeah, this was real 8 Mile...

Kinda too much like it, but you flowed good and laid down the message like it's suppossed ta come.

I see alot of this around here...

I wonder if half the stuff I read is real.

No beef or insult meant, I just wonder why so many Open Mics are about just that...

Spittin, or the rap game.

I love it too, no doubt.

But I'd never in a thousand years wanna hit the stage.
Don't feel any kind of need to rock a crowd.
I have no need to insult certain people in my rhymes.

Sure, I'd like to get noticed for my writing, but just that...
Writing.
Writing, the art of it, has nothing to do with arenas full of fans, limos, bling bling, mics or anything like that...

Maybe I'm just confused.
The last piece I read from ya showed skill.
Emotion was portrayed. Reality. Fuckin...sorrow, I guess.
Reading the one about ya mom's made me feel ya.
This one makes me feel Eminem.

The reason I wrote this one is since I was young...like toddler age all I've ever wanted to be was a singer but I cant sing and then I got introduced to rap and before I knew it I was rappin all the time. And there's somethin bout the thought of an arena full of people wantin to see me that gives me a real buzz. My first two open mics...Mom I'm sorry and This Is my life were me lettin out steam and showin the sentimental side to me but this highlights my dreams and ambitions. I dont want the whole jewlerry and cars thing...I just want to rock a crowd and be who I feel more comfortable as and thats L the rapper not L the average white British kid who can rap. Plus writin this told people...in my eyes anyway that I aint after sympathy coz I had a huge row with my mom or I dont want comfortin coz the man I looked up to is dead. I just wanna be me. I aint gon' write bout all the down sides in my life all the time. I watch music award shows and think...that should be me. This was certainly the easiest to write out the three but it's true...makin it in music is all I've ever wanted to do.

Thanks for the honest comments

Nice drop...

Wordplay and Flow on point...

Not too many multies...

Keep chasin those dreams...

And keep sendin open mics...

Thanks man...I intend to keep chasin

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nice verse..stayed on topic n shit..only down side is the 2nd from lasy line...aint feelin it..reads rushed n pushed..overall tho nice concept..like peeps said a lil like 8 mile buts its hard to b original wit so much shit out..keep it commin

hit up the link in my sig

thnks

Thanks for the comments

yo man u gotta hella flow, and u stayed on topic wit showin what u feel. this one proly your best open mic to me, but u got madskills dawg and like Pac said... "Keep it Crackin cuz"

Peace (\1/)

You think this is my best one^^. Everybody else loves 'Mom I'm Sorry'