new RENEGADE (remix)
 

ay yall im remixing the JAYZ and EMINEM track "RENEGADE" but in text and im lookin for someone to collab with on it so holla. you'll need 2 verses. 1 verse with 10 bars (20 lines) and the other with 8 bars (16 lines) juss like i'll need so holla at me

the open mics i voted on were:
Sthash-my aim is
Jay-R-mic life
Jay-R-12 Line Keystyle


LOOKIN FOR A COLLABO
and im not done i still need 1 more verse

I’m the only rapper my age that’s classified as urban//
Disturbin, my generations’ methods of learnin//
Cuz I blaze fires and keep herb burnin//
A renegade for certain, never show wen I’m hurtin//
But I cant help it if I’m far further intriguing//
Than a bunch a dickheads have our youth completely misleading//
Pleading and bleeding// dragged around kicking and screaming//
Drownin in the hazards of dreaming// they beg us to keep reading//
When actually my blood has been heating// I been battered and beaten//
My spinal fluids been leaking// Hunched over everybody’s critiquing//
I watched for years as the hatred grew worse//
The sun set the moon dropped and I worked on my verse//
Yall had ya fun but there’s a new king to be crowned//
Everything I bring through my sound// RENEGADE for all 200 pounds//
I’m alive by surprise failed to open my eyes//
I been a RENEGADE for most a my life, till da day of my demise//
I been played through da lies// but I got a big hung set//
Was rewarded for something I haven’t done yet//
Da skill to work words, and structure my lines//
Rupture some spines, a RENEGADE for some time//

dats all i got for now...

LOOKIN FOR A COLLABO

some feedback

nice verse blud , if u looking 4 a collab i will yeh
the rhyme was heavy but u could of used a more multis to make it more interesting, but if u could get me sum audios of u i will send u some from me yeh. aight safe blud

alrite homie thanks for the feedback and yea fo sho if u wanna collab lemme know we could do this dawg peace.

MORE FEEDBACK PLEASE

yeah this was alright....you should try to keep your lines around the same length though, it helps the flow and structure of the piece, but yours was good though...vocab was pretty good, up it still though...overall this was alright...keep at it...and keep dropping.

if u were goin eminem or jay-z, u were off but hey, not many match up anywayz...

tha piece was aight, had to be read quicker than Renegade for me to catch tha flow but as soon as i did it was a nice read, props and keep elavatin...

ill drop,good vocab and multis.Ya sh!t just flowed over real well:

-Than a bunch a dickheads have our youth completely misleading//
Pleading and bleeding// dragged around kicking and screaming//
Drownin in the hazards of dreaming// they beg us to keep reading//
When actually my blood has been heating// I been battered and beaten//
My spinal fluids been leaking// Hunched over everybody’s critiquing// -

loved readin it.keep writin,Stay ^
-Avi

ay yall thanks a lot for the comments and feedback i appreciate it a lot and would like some more and uppin for sthash to spit his peice.

MORE FEEDBACK

i need some feedback and sthash' verse damn it.....................

HOLLA THE FUCK AT ME

ay yall come on i need more feedback and sthash's verse for this collaboration. COME ON YALL

HOLLA

yo that piece is pretty nice i mean it doesn't go wit the beat i would say or title or compare to em and Jay's vesrse's but i mean who can ya'mean and if u want a callbo holla at me iight ~1

Yo Obsenity,
That was nice still. I am interested in talking to you a bit about some collabo work and shit. I like the method... Anyways get back to me on it.... I'll give you a link to a url..

feedback yall come on __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ______

come on lets go

COLLABO STILL OPEN CUZ STHAS HAVENT ANSWERED

gimme some fuckin feedback yall. come on. i give feedback all over come yall return da foavor. and still open for da collabo

feedback
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oh fuck ya... nice drop, you could use some elevation, rhyming the same word sequence over and over again made it sound semi-noobish, but it was still hott...
~pvt

thanks homie i appreciate that and i still want some more feedback so holla the fuck at me yall.

Standing strong while enimies - put up difence//
Fire blazing / under-estimated but so intence//
Tables turn / the renegade arrives, as solidures commence//
you got to add to the equation/ or give in - to life's suspence//
Cowards wanna lie bleading - and the youth - still betrayed//
never knowing - losing breath - that you could die the next day//
music elivates the mind, take a breah and pray for better days//
couldn't imagion how many out there who feel the same way//

yo man, yours was nice still, like i said

ay that was nice for the collabo but ur missin 12 lines for that first verse and i already got my 1st verse. holla at me through PM so we could talk bout the collabo some more and make this shit raw to get some feedback.

As a RENEGADE soldier I apply a setting// re-addressing the parents of the children listening// an insult to many members of society// but to hate in discriminate, better off disliking me// sufficiently a RENEGADE with a chip on one shoulder// I carry a microphone as a weapon to conceal ya// illing n killing, creating a mass slaughter// laughing at these women, while im impregnating there daughter// taller n harder than most of these cats, slamming against instigators with metal baseball bats// throwing these caps like there worthless sapiens// how can I fuck this bitch, she’s only developed raisins// patients n parents ranting n raving// how can I react to this public fame craving// slaving over this industry that made me, as a RENEGADE soldier, to disappear isn’t that easily// So here's your sleazy collab for a reply, ay yo obsenity where’s the dots so I can apply.. Peace

I really like the ideas and shit, I realize being a renegade is the main topic, but if you use it too much in material it tends to get old.

real hott thas the best remix i seen on this site so far nice cpmonents.. flow vocab abd all that happy friendly shit.. keep it up 1