so whats your birth weight? soft focus (calisto~deacon~emotion) dont sleep on this
Calisto: Mother
Masquerading day to day, deciding whether to cry or celebrate This breathless wonder within me beats, but congers up such hate My decision with other’s thoughts, life or death I daringly designate Cutting circulation, a life on these strings, I reluctantly breathe Consequences weren’t present within the act of being conceived But he didn’t ask for this, it was my fault for naively believing Yet wondering what soul could place blame for such elation Who could bask in the misery of untimeliness, during celebration? Wondering how God could bestow a blessing as such devastation? I’m panicking during the day and wide awake in the evening Contemplating the realness of this life, if it’s not breathing But inevitably this precious being from my body is leaving Deacon: ~Baby~ Caught in-between a decision… Locked your insides to a weaker minds incision... A needle with perfect placement implements my stamina You rectified the problem by killing, did you think you’d reach an answering Hate flares to an unlucky medium, pick my casket some toilet paper and a soap bar. Clean yourself cause im dirt...the little in me is hardly worth… Time to spend happily, encountered through a lovely 20 minutes of ecstasy, Romantically, You divorced me and cursed me to a death, I lived inside a wall I didn’t even get to believe I could breathe yet, I fall, a short distance into acceptance, Receptive listening you’ll hear me make a splash, im finished My only touch, confused because pc bullshit… Retire me from pride to boast a worthless wishlist… How can you do that when theres nobody witnessing. Except the man with the green white shirt, “oh him well he’s just visiting” Worthless tempered fool makes more money than my body was worth, He scraps me from her insides and claims he loves child's birth… I hate you, I hate you, reject a single me, I wish i had a single sight a place where i should be I hate you, I hate you, infect me with this disease You wish you had a second chance i just wish that i could breathe I breathe a breath, i breathe Im a seed that lacked its soil, i just wanted to be normal, God saw a different side of me, saw a light you couldn't see Emotion: a person who is pro choice It's her body her choice, It's Her decision her voice, A man cant understand this, How a women cant handle this, Why should a child grow up unloved, When it's unwanted, but can be cherished from above, The love is a nonetity, The baby was never meant for an identity, It's a contempt decision, But are you sure you've done revision?, Because a babeys just not a financial obligation, Its not an assination, God seeks no retribution,Abortion? Male Pig it's her decision,She wants to make a mistake? It's her infliction, Dont worry about conscience cause' it will slowly fade, It wasnt youre fault, dont let any one ever call you a slut cause you got laid, |
this all in all was a very decent read..I dont mind reading
anyones piece..its not hard....deacon calisto emotion... favorite to least favorite but all good writtens calisto you always seem to get a little more sharper with your vocabluary and imagery and you no longer need my assistance..you can write pretty damn well on your own..please never stop writing with your heart deacon you made me think I was reading lyrics from aesop for a minute with somethign different from a babys standpoint and your whole verse didnt fall off at any point...this was done excpetionally well emotion you droped some knowledge well as the pro choice individual on this collaboration and got your point across very well...I thought your last part wasnt needed but it was good anyway and it wasnt mine..well done once again another good collaboration by us... |
thanks content for peeping this so soon..i always enjoy your critiques man...as for the piece yeah i was pleased with this...lets get some more feed back
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wow...this is...awesome...all piece were top level shit...
i like the views on this here... every1 hit their shit well... major props...way to rep soft focus... this was a very deep piece... deacon...i loved this I hate you, I hate you, reject a single me, I wish i had a single sight a place where i should be I hate you, I hate you, infect me with this disease You wish you had a second chance i just wish that i could breathe I breathe a breath, i breathe Im a seed that lacked its soil, i just wanted to be normal, God saw a different side of me, saw a light you couldn't see |
hahah yeah forsure that just flowed out mayne...it was a rough draft that i felt was perfect so i used it..
thanks for the resp/// -1- |
GOD DAMN. This piece was purely amazing in my eyes. I've seen girls go through this type of shit before.. this had every bit of emotion that could have come out of a piece like this. the vocabulary you guys used was on point and perfect. The flow of every piece was flawless. Every aspect of this peice was pure genious. Great job.
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Shit nice drop i like how yall keep collabing on these they all turn out rael well. Much respect on this I liked how ya'll take the figure or somethin else. In this a mother baby etc... and in ure others like elements and stuff. Really nice Props on this. Keep em comin.
Overall Grade: 9/10 |
thanks everyone...illspit i made actually both topics up...hahahah not givin me any glory..****.looks at the mirror damn i look ***good...hhaha
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^^Conceited bastard! lol thank you all for peepin this... I love how much you guys have accepted Soft Focus and our poetry an collabs!! I love you guys! MUAH!
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much love 4 all the positive replys.........
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Hm... I don't need to tell you all how good this is. I don't. You all know how good this is. You all KNOW it's good.
As for the issues... I don't entirely like how deacon portrayed things. I mean, yes, it was well written. And the opinion and veiw point and everything was on spot. But, from a babys perspective, it's individualistic. I mean, that's him. I'm just saying, I've said more than once that my life would've been a lot better had I never of been born. And I've wished on more than one occasions for an abortion of my ownself before I was born. That's how I would've written it. I also think Emotion could've touched up on the unloved part. I mean, a lot of people don't realize that the ones that actually NEED to have abortions, are doing so because they can't take care of their children. I mean, my mother had no job, no money, and for whatever reasons could've even get on welfare. Yet she had two children. If it wasnt' for the fact she could hand us over to our grandmother, we would have ended up dead. As in, not aborted, just starving to death. Literally. But... fuck... I'm not critiquing the peice you guys collabed on, I'm bitching my own stupid opinion. I'm sorry. That, and I think Tailsteak has a much more well rounded opinion. http://tailsteak.netherweb.com/archive.php?num=112 |
The Necromancer
^^^is dope |
nice piece, you really made me feel this one.
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shit the whole piece is too good for me to pick out just one part.
all I gotta say is DAMN...... |
pce..^^
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Necro see i've had a certain situation happen to a person close to me....Abortion was an option but didnt seem fair...They needed to except their fault and be responsible...ive also had a friend who was raped and she got pregnant from him...she kept the baby and loved it the same...If it’s a bad situation for the mother adoption is the answer....Thats my political belief...and moral belief...
So when i went into this piece i went into it merciless for the mother who made the decision....Theres always a chance that life for that baby may not turn out good…but theres babies that come from good homes who die at early age….Its for nobody to decide.. necro check this fim out "the crime of Padre amaro" its a spanish indie film that captures not only how sick Catholicism can be but also abortion...not that it will convience you or that im trying to but its forsure a sad movie thanks for the read ya'll |
Sure thing, I'll have to search for it though. Aint get a lot in the way of indie films round these parts, much less spanish ones.
But yeah, much repsect for this peice and your individual opinions. |
Quote:
It doesnt matter how close you are to a person who faces that decision deacon. Even the father of the child doesnt truly understand what it feels like for a woman to be faced with that decision. There is no way to describe it... you just truly cannot even to begin to understand, unless you are the woman who is pregnant. There are many reasons for and against abortion, however.. I do believe each case is individual, and at the end of the day it is up to the mother to make that final decision. And I do believe, you mean accept, not except. |
^^^^^thanks for the spelling correction....Wasn't needed.....I think the guy has just as much stress if he isnt some punk whose going to screw anyone....But whatever....Necro its a large indie film you can get it at blockbuster..
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Well I only pointed it out because it was pivotal to your sentence. To except fault, is to disregard it.. and I think you meant, they need to accept their part in it. Small mistakes can sometimes change the entire meaning of what you are saying :)
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YEAH nO..
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lol...how about some more reply....
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holy shit this one Calisto: Mother was fucking tight man. I like the others too all so respect but i like the stlye of the first one better tho but the rests where deep also.
~res man~ plez hit me up on my other ones like the 3 page poem. ~PEACE~ |
nice work on this piece
good vocab and structure nice topic and good point of views keep postin deac..................................... |
cheers^^
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