Interpritation Of Imprisonment
 

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95372 Verse112
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95847 Infinite Skillz
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95155 LM collabo


My interpritation of imprisonment

Every thing switched from slangin bars of good dope
to workin to get good bars of soap
walking to the hope the bars done broke
so dark I feel Im developing a better sence-of-smell
but so far the only thing Ive devoloped is a sence-of-hell
Im tired of sleeping on my back for lack of trust
shivering under a sheet hopin this da last month
wish I had one last blunt just one last puff
to put me into a place where I can deny reality
then clinching my jaw relizing my lifes a falicy
and in all actuality this the best system on earth
I been to different countries and ive seen worse
but nothing can prepare the mind for closet clostraphobia
every ones the enemy pushing me to constant paranoya
gettin swung on cause of the seeds I come from and where I grew
forced to become a long arm and bleed the dumb and destroy a few
tied and beat down cause fake niggas bumb they gums
they type of nigga to get scared and bust a gun
bring they whole click where theres supposed to be four fists
I cant afford this I have a life beyond this strengling fortress
was never my intention to snap or break those bones
but my opinion never matterd so my intentions wernt know
not to mention these gaurds trying to get me hurt so hard
had to carry steal on the yard then get 6 months for having it at all
was like fuck the system but wasnt able to fight it well
got fucked by the system with a first class ticket to hell
held my own did a few like like Tanya Harding
missing life waiting and wanting and longing to party
but I met some friends and started to do well when they pushed me
got out a year early cause I was in the pursuit of pussy
Id never wish that on any but those I hate the most
but the 1st thing I did when I left is made this toast
"To Life as a free man nothing can compare to free-life"
all I wanted was the American dream laced with free-enterprize
and all America wanted was for me to face three-to-nine

common people i need some feedback on this peice..yea i know i messed up the structure...

common now... i really need some feedback on this peice.... i wrote this 2 days ago...

holy fuck, now that shit painted a fucken picture, god damn

8.3/10

This was an excellent pz of art, good short story, you had good word play last couple lines were a little off but it did well. nvr got caught nvr did time but in this pz I did. Good lookin pz and luv.

reply to three other open mics, and post links to your replies in this thread or it gets deleted.
thanks.

aiigh thanks for the feedback yall....i still need more though

ummm reply to three open mics and post your links in here dude...

that was a dope piece..structure and flow were very well done...8/10...

this makes me happy to see your a member of DOI

on point till the end the end just wasn't climatic enough for the body of the shit.. also the structure is mad fucked and you some lines unrhymed try to rhyme your transitions to ... it take practice but you got skill overall......7/10 that a C bra

i don get it.. post the links of the three open mics that i have read..in here.. or post this link in each of the 3 open mics that i have read...

This was really good, paintin pictures with words. Flow and vocab were great and you told a story well.
Overall 8/10

80
 

80, that was good, u got some killer lines, hope to collaberate wich u, in the future dogg,

This wuz a good piece. It painted a vivid picture. Nice wordplay thru out the verse. The last couple of lines were but it wuz still good.

7.5/10

you have to post links to your three replies.
fuck it, read the rules

common yall give me some feedback on this peice of mine

dude man post in here 3 open mics which u have replied to or your thread will be deleted.

and for a breakdown, flow was there but some of your multi's seemed a little forced and like someone already said (to lazy to check who it was) try to rhyme your transitions, u had some good wordplay and some alright vocab and some imagery but I thought your structure was kinda wack, I had to rethink my reading over a few times to get the flow goin in my head but keep elevatin bro. peace.

hit up my open mic called "Freedom" if u got the time bro. thanx in advance. peace.

naw dog u have absolutly no reason what you are talking about..my structure might not be as good but its not "wack" as u say!!..i was telling a story if you actually read it..and know a little something about rap..you would know its not all about the flow..