My Bitch
 

Replied: Killa Keystyle-Explicitot.
Broke with no hope-Snakeyes
Merry christ missed-Evolve


Couldn't believe my luck, when i first went up to meet her,
I knew no-other women in the world, could possibly be better//
She appealed to me in every single way,
from her big brown eyes, to her luscious red lips,
right down to her sweet perfurm smelling spray//
Went up to her + hit her with a cheap chat up line,
''God must of made u an angel, coz you are damn fine//
She jus laughed + i offered to buy her a beer,
I knew from then that she was mine , it was jus fucking clear//
I had found my bitch, my rose from that grew from the concrete,
jus didnt figure that someone so beautiful,
could come from such a shit street//
I introduced myself + asked her for her name,
She replied ''Cheryl'', that name was now imprinted in my brain//
I asked her to come back to my place + get closer together,
knew after that night, we'd be together forever//
But i had to slow down, look at this perspectively,
all i knew she could become a hater + start disrespecting me//
Had to know if i could trust her + bring her into my world,
Found out a year + a half later, coz she gave birth to my girl//
All those thoughts i had before were jus gust in the wind,
never realised it would escalate this far, but i'm glad that it did//
From when i met her in the club, right up to the present day,
she had given me everything i ever wanted + needed,
I was in heaven everyday//
So how could i call her a bitch, + deny her the respect in her life,
coz the only thing i could call my bitch..... is my wife/

Hit me with some feedback. Cheers

HARSH

uppin for votes

i was feeling ya rhyme skeme i just think you could have uppin the vocab a bit but it was a good piece keep elevatin and thanks for the reply

thnx

uppin

i felt the rhymes and flow. the beginning was a bit difficult to
flow with but it came nice eventually. the topic was harsh as
mentioned. hopefully it isn't true. the vocab was decent and
the things made sense. props man. keep it up

check out my new verse wen i post it up please. thanx

peACE

Yeah this was pretty good here....i liked this, it was a good read i thought...i felt this pieces emotion....Your structure was alright, it could be touched up though here and there, nothing big though....flow was nice in this, stayed on point mostly got off at a few spots though but still good....but overall this was a good piece...keep at it.

thnx for the feedback

uppin'

uppin for more feedback ppl

another dawg reppin England...nice to see more british heads in here...seemed like a deep peice.......flow was there for the most....n structure was ok....vocab was average....but aqll in all pulling it together ...quite an intresting read......pZ....reppin UK...

tnx for the feedback deva, good to c more ppl from england.

uppin'

Tight flow and amusing to read. yo, fuck the wordplay, shit, ryme whatever is on your mind.

Couldn't believe my luck, when i first went up to meet her,
I knew no-other women in the world, could possibly be better//

^^ That didn't even rhyme.. lol

It was quite basic.. but quite good.. I sensed alot of emotion from you.. But it wans't very good for the reader.. Work On It

I liked it a lot, it showed a sensitive topic with great rhymes. I'm new to this "giving info" thing, but I thought it had an overall smooth flow and didn't drift off of the main topic. I hope to hear more of your rhymes-J

thnx for the feedback, much appreciated

uppin'

liked the closer alot on this one kinda brought the whole piece together. the flow wa s decent a little rough for me to follow in certain areas the rhyme scheme was correct overall this was clean nice story tellin-1

it took a while to get in the flow but after u did i thought it was good. it had great emotion.u could feel it was straight from the heart. good job keep that shit up.

Deep
I could see where you were coming from
work on structure

I thought the rhyme was tight, the way it flowed was easy to follow, and I didn't mind reading it because it kept my attention. The only thing I would have changed was calling the subject a "bitch" because of it's definition. I do like the last line at the end "coz the only thing i could call my bitch..... is my wife". It kinda puts the whole story together. Good work man, keep it up!

thnx for all the feedback again much appreciated

upin'

didnt mean to offend ne female mc's in here, jus couldnt fink of another title

ppin'

Surprisingly good verse here, dawg...

I was pretty sure I was gonna hate it cuz of the title, but it turned out to be pretty deep with good emotion in it.

Wasn't thrilled with your rhyme scheme at the begining, but you picked it up and your flow improved as the verse went along.

I'd have added some more complex vocab to this...

But all in all, pretty dope piece...7.25/10

And if it's true, man...

Then take care of that wife and daughter...

I know of which I speak.

Peace

Basically what was said before. The opening line threw me offf for a minute but you made up for it. Keep spittin mayn.

good shit dawg

good flow nd i found the rhyme scheme

not too bad and good topic

................................................

uppin

i dont like it
4/10

It was straight hommie. Everything flowed alright, maybe work on rhyme scheme and vocab. But that is the only thing lacking. It was a pretty good read, you got potential hommie...
Keep elevatine

--> Return the favor and check the flow in my sig ( The Link )

OUT

-High Class a.k.a Confusion

last time uppin'

THATS GOOD FOR YOU THA REAL RAPPERZ

Surprisingly good story........however.....I think the rhyme scheme should be worked on a little......sometimes you would rhyme "day" and "day" and that just doens't sound right.

thanks for the feedback ppl much appreciated

im tryin to test ma skillz on sum 1 u down?