Lose Yourself (remix)
 

Intro:

look, if u had one shot, or one opportunity
to sieze everything u everwanted-one moment
wud u capture it or jus let it slip

Verse 1:

yo, his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
theres vomit on his sweater already, moms speghetti
hes nervous, but on tha surface he looks calm and ready
to drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting
what he wrote down tha whole crowd goes so loud
he opens his mouth and tha words wont come out
hes choking, how every bodys joking now
tha clocks run out, times up over, bloah
Gap back to the dimension, snapped back to his detention
dont care wut n e body mentions
hes been bad, but not enuff to get a suspension
no, he wont have it, he knows his school rites
but he dont care, he still wants to fight
he had his own reasons, and to him hes still rite
hes so raged that he knows
when he gets back to tha foster home, thats when its
back to tha room alone
back to writing tha only reap he knows
he trys to capture tha moment, that someday he will own

Chorus:

u better lose urself in tha music, tha moment
u own it, u better never let it go
u only got one shot do not miss ur chance to blow
this opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

u better lose urself in tha music, tha moment
u own it, u better never let it go
u only got one shot do not miss ur chance to blow
this opportunity comes once in a lifetime u better

Verse 2:

his brain verges a briliant, and he wont b resiliant
in this world he stands, he wont b silent
he keeps on tryin, to succeed as a star, to make it far
a normal life is boring, but to b complex is hard
it only gets tougher, more thoughts than imagined
he blows minds on how much he knows
person to personhe shows, new roots are planted
life is slow, but god only knows, how its going to go
more obstacles can b standed
more rage is bein ranted
more problems are bein handed
but he still stands tall, ready to take another fall
waiting for life to give him his call
he waits as time stands still
his life is like a report, filled wot remorse
but still waiting for lifes main course

Chorus: repeat 2x

Verse 3:

my life aint no game, i dont belong in this cage
feel my rage when i end ur days
this aint no joke, iwill never change
my life isnt ment to be written down on every page
but to b filled to tha dullest
i live my life but i'nm not a cultist
i try frum down to duck, to find luck
to make it in life, from one day to another
fuckmy father and my mother
never met tha bastard and i hate tha bitch
but deep down in side, i know i love her
i try to show her, but shes to hesitant
i try again, and her actions are repetitive
but i keep on thinking, i gotta let her live
gotta lead to a different alternative
or get barred or shot
gotta beable to think on tha spot
get stopped or popped
my future is head my past is not
either wayi got, this maybe the only opportunity i got

Chorus: repeat 2x

thats my version og lose ur self
tha first half of verse 1 stayed tha same becuz i felt it shud stay, i felt it had a lot of meaning and then all tha other srtuff besidedss tha chorus imad, suiting my self and my life.

feed back apprciated

holla

pz

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed..

This was alright...structure could be a bit better, try keeping lines around the same length.....flow in this was alright, stayed on point through out it as i read through it....but overall this was ok...keep at it.

u ever look at eminem printed version of this his bars are almost tha same as mine, they arent even thats how he goes wit tha beat, and wut dou mean 3 links for 3 of wut?

links of replies u've done to other open mics,
i fort this was good. if its about u then a good biographic piece.
keep at it and do wat u gotta do.

hit my rhyme
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=98014

cheers

there Masta C 3 names ok

drops-check it
drops-bars
da chronic G-wuts gonna happen

now i wud like sum feed back plz holla

pz

Man ya verse had no flow and no intrestin parts
~!~

u know shit about rap man go fuck ur self.

I'm still waitin to find somethin he didn't reply the same thing to, calm down Masta C, yo this piece was horrible, wasnt worth my readin, i think i may have gotten stupider, next time be orginal, or atleast make up a name, u suhd be hit wiht biting

naw i felt like redoin a song aight mofo, fuck u shud b hit wit biting, fo biting tha mods dicks bitch

oh and thats y its says remix hello u fuckin stupid o sum shit

Uppin for sum comments.

pz

dont matter, if em didnt give u his own permission to do a remix its biting

hoe.

kill yourself, you ruined a good song

p.s. close this

i wasnt feeling this, jus a bad attempt at a good track....theres too much comparison between then...doesnt measure up to the expectations and far to un-original...so ...why not jus think up ya own shit from scratch...no beef...it wasnt all bad though, jus not for me..pZ

Fuck u Relik, i aint biting, i think ur biting, ur teeth marks match tha imprints on ya moms dick

it was jus a lil task i did fo myself aight, seein if i cud do a remix next step is my own song aight. but yea i shud do my own shit, but hey guess wut that was my own shit.

Rule No. 1 - Don't ever make a remix of some one else's song, well atleast in text.. Well I take that back, You don't ever do a remix to some one else's song.. I wasn't really feelin this man, I'm sure you'll get better soon though jus keep elevating.. so keep your head up

all i read was blah blah blah

you are an imature herb by what i can tell of your personality in your rsponces...clown....but this song was alright I just think you need to hink up your own stuff it sounds better because it's priginal and people don't compare it to artists on mainstreem lol...but take the advice it actually helps dont get affended.....for real

my 2 cents pz

thanx man, i am gon write my own song, i jus felt i had to start sum where, i listen to all tha comments but some are jus hate comments. apprciated dawg

pz

wack - this kid doesnt take replys at all
i bet if they said all 'sick/ill' 'no shit i am a thug'
but if they say wack he cries..
wack

its ur opinion and i will take it how i want it. but thanx for tha tip dawg.

Yo, dawg, don' piss off tha modz...don' want ya ta get banned when ya jus' joined X.L.G...

All this hatin'..This man's tryin' to get better..All you people with negative comments without critique \( A vast majority)..Should recheck your egos..Because half of you probably couldn't do half as good...Anyways.

For the piece....I agree, format was off..It went t the beat kind of..Just not near as skillfull...IMO..But keep trying...This is a good start..Remix's are a good way to test your talent..Gives you a topic someone else has already covered, also a chance to review what they wrote for an example..Much easier than a free-based idea but good for rap consoul...Keep tryin', i'll be lookin''...

6/10

1ne

I Don't really Like it when People Re Write Other songs ya Coulder Did Ya Own Open Mic.......ya structure was alright i think ya could use some work on that Bit......Ya Worked It well In some bits If.......ya Flow was Good not much To it...Your Vocab wasn't great too simple.......all and all Keep it Dropin Kuz.....Peace (v)

alrite i'll take all this into consideration yo'z thanx for tha better tips, it all makes me a iller emcee

pz

Yo ima give you some advice this forum open mic is for critism if you don't want critism you need to post in poetical scriptures. this pz was wack i wasn't feelin it. You talk about fucking grade school in somethin that was about comin off the block with the only thing going for you is a wicked free flow and over coming fucking stage fright. so the next time some one gives you critism take it because everyone needs to elevate i know i do and others ill admit the same thing. you need to calm ur 17 yr old ass down u erd pz