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-   -   Daemon Vs. Tweety (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=207622)

Dabatos 09-06-05 11:49 AM

Daemon Vs. Tweety
 
Rules and Due Dates

Topic: Animated Creatures

Dervla 09-06-05 04:18 PM

Lol @ This Check.......

Crazy Hades 09-06-05 05:18 PM

Paroxysm, Tweety, and Drama Queen in a week. Someone hates me.

Dabatos 09-07-05 11:45 AM

lmao you freal? lol o well hahaha

Sorry but i forgot to add line limit.. the line limit is 20 min and 50 max

Crazy Hades 09-08-05 06:03 PM

AWAKENING CREATURES

[I]THE[/I] door closes so slowly, viewing behind it all the places desolate;
the shadows are tesselate, engraving messages depicting pegasus.
Lives immaculate, permit the remains of time through one abacus...
Energy would omit the matters that plead in means of the advocate.

NOT having it, the clocks tick to an approaching limit to which I burst,
I'm a maverick, I stick to my own plans and quench the things I thirst.
From the day's first, I stick to a linen chrysallis I'm easily encased in,
to pass the speeding seconds as me and time are historically racing.
The hall I'm facing is a labryinth of secrets leading into many rooms,
Secluded in gloom, I ponder why I must awaken on this day so soon.
The sun raised to engulf the moon in a light that burns my lazy eyes,
and I actually seemed like a well-dressed person in this crazy disguise.
And maybe girls and guys, you'll one day face this very same problem,
to balance coffee in one hand, tie in the nother, with skin like a goblins.
With misplaced shoes, hobblin, a dirty shirt, and even more tired features.
I'd bag groceries with my eyes, on another day of an awakening creature.

Crazy Hades 09-08-05 06:04 PM

Err...nevermind the italics. Anyway, get a dictionary. If anyone says that they're voting against it because they can't understand it...you're a retard. Get a dictionary then vote for real.

Crazy Hades 09-08-05 07:29 PM

Gah, gah, gah. Some more lines.

Err...just let it pass, Dab. Does it matter?

Dabatos 09-08-05 07:44 PM

as long as its not too short

Sean Gunner 09-09-05 11:07 PM

Extension granted till Saturday.

Dervla 09-10-05 08:58 PM

Possessed by the evil spirit and no one even saw it coming
Not even the parents who gave her a heart that's pumping
but ceased with the evil devil powers. She's losing her mind
screams coming out of her vocals, she weeps while bind
Priest with the cross bear in his palms. Is this the cure?
will god angel's come and unleash the madness that's secure?
She can't be hold much longer. God please come quick!
The bind rips. she's loose and scared so she starts to panic
Scared of the creatures that's in the same room with her
So she runs away from it, but still the devil fire still amber.

Winds commencing in the air, her feet’s are sore and Tired
Rain coming down but not washing the devil powers inside her
Shaken and fearing for her Life, things in her sight are changing
Breathing so hard, blood pumping out of control her heart is aching
The Bushes in the tree's are turning into hands..Thier Coming
O God, the havoc. This like an nightmare without even sleeping
Tears starts to fall from her cheeks, eye's wide and skin is shaking
She's a goner she things. "There Coming" without knowing
.................................................B lood from her forehead is leaking
How can she stop this menace and creatures being formed around her
Burned in agony, The rain feels like acid it hurts as she makes
.................................................. .........................her way to the alter

Still the creatures starts to show, and the pain is getting hard every minute
now it feels like my heart is being ripped in pieces. God release this spirit
blood starts to gawk out of my mouth between my teeth’s. There everywhere!
Ghost with their devilish laughter surrounding me, holding onto my rear
Pulling me back trying to keep me away from the bible. I'm struggling hard
Every breath I take In I feel like every inch of my life is going away so far
Heart beating so slow, lungs decreasing.."I need air. God please give me air"
Wheezing through my nostrils." God Give me air. I don't want to breath in despair"
Still I hear laughter’s, darkness arise. Creatures from everywhere drinking my blood
As I watch these animated creatures drinking lavishly. I Drown, I drown in my flood

Dervla 09-11-05 11:58 AM

...................

DQ 09-11-05 01:06 PM

Nice battle...

Daemon: good concept you went with, interesting creativity used. The vocabulary was rather complex throughout the entire piece, imagery was excellent, emotion was there too. Flow was decent but what I felt was missing was depth, more details and a more indepth storyline. I would've loved to see you elaborate more and have an even stronger built-up towards the end.

.Lola Cruez. II: very nice piece from you here, I enjoy the approach, rather original. First part seemed right out of The Exorcist but then you gave it your own switch which I liked. Good balance in vocab, emotion was so raw but the imagery was at a very high level. It was as if I was there viewing everything right away, flow might be improved on though...

My vote goes to .Lola Cruez. II for a more indepth and interesting piece

Crazy Hades 09-11-05 01:11 PM

o_O Tweety's approach isn't that interesting, it's about possession, ooh, haven't seen that before. And obviously, the topic doesn't really call for EMOTION or for it to be INDEPTH. Voting for things like that when it doesn't apply to the piece is stupid... it's like saying a humor piece doesn't have enough emotion, so the other person loses. Whatever. 1-0 Tweety.

Dervla 09-11-05 01:14 PM

That's why i love Topicals so Much because you can take an stupid topic (Not saying this was an stupid Topic) and turn it to an emotional piece or a deph piece ect ect ya know? It's all about creativity, but w.e 1-0 me.

Crazy Hades 09-11-05 01:20 PM

How was possession as a topic creative? You know how many people I've talked to saying emotional pieces are boring as fuck? I don't use emotion all the time, but people still insist on making it part of their vote.


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