All I Need
 

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2630633
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=219882

All I Need

check it,
I need the love from my girl and crew the world i'll sue
babygirl if they touch u it'll be like pearl harbor 2
serious drama i'll mysteriously bomb on ya place
vietnam shit paced but i'll stay aplomb wit cases
tying them laces im ready i blow rhymes to confetti
finding them places im flowin thru time so steady
already my flow is nice and the glow seems right
so ima blow up aight, and maybe go up overnight
im outta sight i'll eliminate anyone that gets in my way
with might i'll disinergrate any son on any dry day
some say im insane in my brain cuz im creatin fires
into infernos with waiting desire im hatin the liars
leave the criers behind and stack them in line
my empire is coming its in the back of my mind
its almost here moving slowly just cruising lowly
when it gets here it'll 'touch u' and bruise u 'holy'

I need a pad and pencil when im mad or sentimental
anytime when im glad or tensile sad or gentle
its all mental just let me write it'll set me right
and yet it abets to obtain my bright delight
my insight gives slow scents in my moment
i have clarity that goes unspent during torment
whether it storming or nice im geared for whatever
i appear better and i'll make u disappear forever
im confident put me in a booth and allow me to flow
i plow people when i go i vow to stay with my glow
stay real when i sit and pray for real to the man above
damn i love this poetry people thinkin they knowin me
but i b-e-t they have no idea like MTV Diary
i got the fire in me all i need is a chance to display
to make my stance to portray my words in this way
to become great from some light to heavy weight
im in a ready state of mind let me go i dont want to wait

this was cool, not bad....some lines, eh, didn't like the mtv diary line, heh, just me....uhmm, lol, i just watched pearl harbour on the weekend, good stuff, getting better man, flow is better, rhyming is improving, stepping it up, i like that....

I need a pad and pencil when im mad or sentimental

that line was cool, didn't like the next one though, but you def are getting better, so keep up man, good job on the links too, worrrrrd

Thanks man, yea the MTV Diary just came real quick, really no thought put into it.

Word this was cool could have been alot better some of your bars were really good simpicit and really didnt hit really hard it would have been alittle better worded..to make it feel more poetic..your structure was good you had decent imagery..overall it was a pretty good drop keep it up.

killer. i really liked that one, 2 me i believe that was my favorite piece of urs. keep it up.

oh naw you didn't even come hard enough damn man suppose to be expressing anger dawg hell man this ain't how you talk to your dawg " man i'm gonna fuck somebody up" put some attitude up in this please homey anyway practice and keep on posting remember showing emotions earns millions nowadays

aight thanks ya'll uppin

This Was Pretty Good Homie......It Did Have A Few Flaws To It, But It's Still Nice. the Fact That You Had A Few Random Lines In It Made it Seem Like it Lacked Something. The Overall Topic Was Ok...Nice Job. RTF

yea im still tryin to work out those lines, gotta keep practicin.....uppin

This was ok. in topicals i like it when people spell the word correctly and forget about structure because structure wont get you anywhere if the emotion and imagery isnt good, imagery ws decent in this case but some of your lines were really mediocre. Keep It Up.

I need a pad and pencil when im mad or sentimental
anytime when im glad or tensile sad or gentle
its all mental just let me write it'll set me right
and yet it abets to obtain my bright delight
my insight gives slow scents in my moment
i have clarity that goes unspent during torment

Flow was water right here.

I call tell you write with your heart... bot a lot of textcee's so that anymore. so props
Some of your verse needs a lil editing. but other then that, this was something that i could relate with.

stay sharp

Thanks man for the feed

some of the flow was choppy but other than that i liked it homey

stay up

yea i feel u on that thanks for the feed