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Make A Change
Like breakin a dollar we need to make change The greed needs to be contained if were to be unchained They ain't learned their lesson In the great depression now again they got us stressin When will this mess end will Obama bring a change I hope to see it in my visual range Hope were not following false prophets, hope he'll stop it Gas prices ain't droppin they keep driving but we ceasing Decision to make go for a cruise or keep eating The commute to work ain't worth it Make 50 but spend 10 so whats the purpose Come home to an empty fride and crying kids Wife ready to split says she's sick of this shit Honey we in the same basket all i ask is That you stay this will pass if, we stick together A change gone come it'll all be better I promise on this day I'll make a, I'll make a change Its gone come keep your head up Gas rabbits'll let up once they stop seeing the lettuce Greed in their eyes every car on the road symbolizes dollar signs But I'm hybrid can't live in this environment Let me guide you invite you in to an altered universe No ambition left in young souls and I know it hurts How can you prosper in the spotlight of that helicopter Fast cash don't last suit and tie had to do it proper Quit, had to give up the game Gotta live up to the name, quick Lavish make a change I'll leave links later just gotta search for them no time I got some money to make. |
Sorry for not being able to post links this is from my phone once again. But I left feed on:
Kirk-This Old Town Charisma-Failure to Launch |
Ehh.. alright
you need to fix the flow.. it seems as if you were trying to occasionally throw in big words or make a point. Some of it was a hard read because your sintax.. punctuation helps alot. Make sure you read over it. But Good job. In the end, think your stuff out, clarify it, and don't rush development. If you rush it.. the emotion won't fully hit the reader nor will the desperation. Take your time, hone your craft, good looking |
huh.....this piece would be much better if you had a little more organization...this was all over the place..it's really hard to get into when theres not really any transition from one idea to the next....and then it goes back to the idea from before...it jumps here..and jumps back...and then jumps somewhere else completely....imagery wasn't really that great....message wasn't that profound or thought provoking...and technically..you could use a lot of work.
however...you're head is in the right place...and i see a good ammount of potential..keep workin at it...and you'll be dropping gems in no time. |
Thanks for the feedback i'ma definitly work on this piece and throw an Obama speech in the begining then do it Acappella Nas style like that track from the Hip Hop is Dead album.
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